“For being an asshole tonight. I’ve been downstairs hating myself ever since we got back.”
“Whatever. No big deal.” I breezed by him and went into the bathroom, where I pulled a clean washcloth from a bathroom drawer, wet it with warm water, and started scrubbing off my makeup. I had no intention of letting him see how much he’d hurt me.
He came and stood in the bathroom doorway. “It is a big deal. You’re angry.”
“I was, earlier. But now I realize that was stupid. You were just being you. You don’t owe me anything.”
He flinched. “Yes, I do. An explanation, at least.”
I shrugged and rinsed out the cloth, hanging it on a towel bar.
“Hey. Look at me.” He took me by the shoulders and forced me to face him. “I need to tell you something.”
“OK.” I hoped my expression read Cool and Detached, but my stomach was churning.
“I’ve been a dick all night, and I can’t keep it up.” He cocked his head. “But that will be the only time I ever say something like that. I can always keep it up.”
I remained stone-faced.
“Wow. You’re really mad. OK.” He cleared his throat. “Here’s the thing. I’m…”
His eyes searched mine, for what I don’t know. It almost seemed like he was going to make a big announcement, but couldn’t find the words.
“You’re what, Miles?”
“I’m moving to San Francisco,” he blurted.
“Huh?”
He dropped his hands from my shoulders. “Yeah. I’m moving to San Francisco. I’ve always wanted to check out that area, and I’m kinda done with Detroit, so I figure now’s the time.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Good for you. I hope you’re happy there. That still doesn’t explain your behavior tonight.”
“Oh, right. That. Um…I was concerned.”
I raised my eyebrows. “About?”
“About your feelings. These last few days have been…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Intense.”
“And?” I wondered if he was going where I thought he was going with this, and if so, I might be up for kicking him in the nuts. He better not blame me for that intensity. It was his idea to bring me here.
“And you’re in a really weak and vulnerable state right now, having just broken up with Dan, and things with us just sort of got serious quickly.”
“Serious?” I rolled my eyes. “We fucked in your closet last night, Miles. That isn’t serious.” I knew that wasn’t what he meant, but I couldn’t let him see he’d been right to worry about my growing feelings for him.
His face went a little red. “OK, maybe that part wasn’t serious, but it seemed like…feelings got serious. And I think we should just take a moment to remember that we’re friends, that in the end, we don’t want the same things. I don’t want the whole marriage and house and kids kind of life, and you do. So we just have to make sure things stay friendly.”
I screwed up my face. “So that’s what you were doing tonight? Being an asshole so I didn’t get feelings for you and you wouldn’t leave me heartbroken when you go to San Francisco?”
He looked a little relieved that I’d explained it better than he had. “Yeah. That’s it. Exactly.”
“Oh my God.” I shook my head. “Well, you can relax, Miles. Despite the nice time we’ve had, your little display of assholery tonight was quite sufficient to remind me that we are not compatible for the long haul. And yes, I did just break up with Dan, but I have to say, I’m not feeling all that weak and vulnerable right now. In fact, I feel stronger than I have in a long time.”
“Good. I’m really glad to hear that.” He gave me a hopeful smile. “Does that mean we can still have sex tonight?”
“No. We will not be having any more sex. Not because your dick is some kind of mystical love wand that will put me under your spell, but because you’re right—we are friends and need to remember that. This last week has been totally insane, but it’s time to go back to reality.” I put a hand on my chest. “I’m going back up North, where I own a home and a business and have roots and family. Those are the things that are important to me.” I poked his chest. “You can go flying off to anywhere you please and fuck all the girls you like, watch cartoons and porn, eat cereal, drink beer, and never have to worry about me again.”
His face fell, and I swear to God his eyes teared up. “I’ll always worry about you, Natalie. I just…can’t be what you want.”
“Stop it, Miles. Just stop it.” I was doing my best to control my emotions, but he wasn’t making it easy. “I’ve never asked you to be anything other than what you are. Do I think we could have been good together once upon a time? Yes, I’ll admit it. Do I think it would work now? No. Because you were right—we don’t want the same kind of life. You’re not capable of it, and you’ve shown me that repeatedly.” I put my hands on his chest and pushed him backward. “Now get out. I need to pee and then we are going to sleep. I’d like to leave early tomorrow.”
I shoved him out, shut the door, and locked it. Then I stared at myself in the mirror, hands gripping the edge of the sink, legs trembling.