“Jesus, Nat, the only place I’d take you tonight is the loony bin. Now let go so I can turn on the light and get you some water. Or a tranquilizer dart.”
“Come on, you want me,” I cooed. “I know you do.” I reached beneath his arms and ran my hands up and down his torso. He sighed exasperatedly, but he let me. Beneath his soft black t-shirt I felt the ridges of his abs and giggled. “I like your nice muscles. They’re hot. You’re hot stuff.” One of my hands strayed south to his belt. Putting my lips right by his ear, I whispered, “Why don’t you take off your pants, hot stuff?” This might have had a more seductive effect had I not punctuated it with a giant hiccup.
He shook his head. “You know, I’ve had a lot of fantasies about you. A lot. But they never went like this.”
“I was less daring?”
“You were less drunk.” He put his hand over my wrist. “Just how much alcohol have you had?”
“Dunno.” I shrugged. “Doncare.”
He sighed again. “Yes, you do. You will.”
“No, I won’t! Now why aren’t you being fun? Your whole life is all about sex and fun and now that I’m ready for some, you don’t want me?”
“It’s not that.” He tried to get up but I hung on tight.
“Then what?” I succeeded in sliding my palm over his crotch, and I could not resist a squeal of delight when I felt the solid bulge there. “Ha! You do want me!” I hiccuped loudly in triumph. “You’re hard!”
“Of course I’m hard!” he snapped. “A hot girl has her legs wrapped around me and her hand on my junk. And you’re not wrong—I do want you. I’ve always wanted you.” Two seconds later, he had me on my back, my wrists pinned over my head. His face hovered right over mine, his breath warm on my lips. “But not like this.”
“Like what?”
“Impaired.” His eyes searched mine. “Angry. Hurt. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you and your asshole boyfriend, but I’d be the biggest dick in the world if I took advantage of you right now.”
“You wouldn’t be! I want this.” His knee was wedged between my legs, and I squeezed it with my thighs. God, that feels good. “I need this.”
Miles closed his eyes and exhaled. “Yes, you do. You need this and want this because you’re looking to get back at Dan. But I’m not interested in those terms.”
“Since when do you care what the terms are?” Angry that he’d fuck a stranger at the bar and had many times, I got in his face. “Casual sex is your thing, right single guy? Just treat me like another body or whatever.”
He laughed, brittle and quick. “That’s out of the question.”
“Why? Why is it OK for you to have sex with total strangers, even two at a time, and not me?”
“It just is.”
“Fuck you, Miles! You’re a tease!” Panicking that he was going to reject me too and I’d die of frustration, I changed tactics, wiggling anxiously beneath him. “Look, I need this and want this because I haven’t had sex in months, and I’m all hot and bothered right now, and you’re gorgeous and you’re here and I like you, so just shut up and do it already, OK?”
“Oh, fuck. This is a nightmare.” He glanced toward the ceiling. “I hope you know the sacrifice I’m making here. You could at least give me a bestseller after this.”
“Miles, please. Please.” Lifting my head, I brushed my lips against his scruffy jaw, softening my approach. “Say yes.”
He groaned and looked down at me again. “I can’t. Because tomorrow, when you and Dan make up from whatever fight you’ve had, the way you always do, I’ll be the asshole that fucked you when your defenses were down, and you’ll never speak to me again.”
Oh, God. He really was saying no. Just like Dan had. I turned my head to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears of humiliation in my eyes.
He squeezed my wrists tights. “Look at me, Natalie. Look at me.”
His tone was so forceful, his grip on me so tight, I had to do as he asked.
“Believe me when I say I want nothing more right now than to tell my conscience to fuck off, take you upstairs, blindfold you, tie you up, and spank you for being such a bad girl. Then I’d spend the rest of the night making you come over and over and over again. I’d fuck you so hard you’d forget your own name, let alone your stupid boyfriend’s.” He lowered his lips to my ear. “But if and when I fuck you, it’s going to be about you and me, and no one else. Understand?”
A shiver moved through me, making my entire body tingle. In fact, for a second I thought I might come just from hearing Miles say those words to me. “Yes,” I whispered.
“Good.” Releasing my wrists, he stood up. “I’ll get you some water and put some coffee on.”
He left the room and I shut my eyes, putting both hands over my stomach. Oh God, oh God, oh God. I didn’t know which was more powerful, my humiliation at being turned down or my raging lust. Had Miles really just said all that to me? It sounded so good. Not once in twenty-six years had I been talked to that way, or treated the way he’d described.
I wanted it.