“Too fucking bad. Now what it is?”
He turned to face me. “OK, I feel like we’ve been together for so long, and now we’re talking marriage, and…” He struggled with what to say next.
“And what? You don’t want to get married? You fucked someone else last night? You don’t love me anymore? Just say it, Dan!”
“No, of course I love you.” He took my left hand and looked down at it. “I love you, Nat, I do. You’re the perfect woman. And I want us to get engaged—eventually.”
“Eventually?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yeah, but not right away. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. We’re only twenty-six and twenty-seven, you know? And we’ve only ever been with each other.” He flicked a nervous glance at me. “So before we commit to marriage, maybe we should…take a break from each other.”
“A break?” I gaped at him and yanked my hand away. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Just step back a little. Spend some time apart, be free to see other people.”
“So you did fuck someone else last night.” I shook my head, tears of humiliation burning my eyes. “Oh, God. And then I tried to—”
“Natalie—”
“Please just admit it.” I looked him in the eye. “Be a fucking man, and admit it.”
He swallowed. “Fine.”
I felt an inexplicable rush of relief, followed by anger when he spoke again.
“That’s why I think the break will be good for us. I think we need this time to really be sure we’re right for one another.”
“I think you’re fucking insane. This is not how it works. Either we’re together or we’re not. And right now, I think not.” Opening the door, I elbowed my way out of the car and slammed it shut. Dan jumped out as I was stomping my way to the front door.
“Natalie, wait!” He ran up and grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him. “I don’t want this to be the end of us. I just want some time to breathe. We’ve been together for so long. Don’t you ever feel like you want some space for yourself? See who you are when you’re not just half of Dan and Natalie?”
“No,” I said through clenched teeth, although hearing him say that made something start ticking in my brain. “Because I like being part of a couple! It’s never occurred to me that I would need time and space away from that. From the person I’ve spent ten years of my life being devoted to. The person I thought loved me the same way.” But even as I said it, I felt kind of horrible because a truly devoted girlfriend would probably not spend as much time today as I did thinking about Miles Haas naked. Was Dan right? Did we need to step back instead of forward, make sure what we were planning was right? But it had to be right! We’d put ten years of time and effort into this!
“I do love you. It’s not about that.” Frustrated, Dan let go of me and fidgeted with his keys. “But I need to do this, Natalie. Or I’ll always feel trapped.”
I stuck my hands on my hips. “Fine. You go do what you need to do.” I lifted my chin as my eyes finally filled, because I saw this for what it was, even if Dan didn’t. “But I won’t be waiting around for you once you’re done with your alone time or your other people or whatever.”
He pressed his lips together. “Don’t say that. This isn’t the end, Nat.”
“Goodnight, Dan.” Without another word, I marched to the door and let myself in. Slamming it behind me, I locked it and went straight for the booze.
Unbelievable! I thought, as I pulled the top off the vodka. A few tears fell as I poured myself a generous shot, slammed it, and then another. Sniffing, I swiped at my eyes with the back of one hand, my mind a swirling mass of confusion, anger, hurt, dread.
How dare he think he can treat me this way! How dare he fuck someone else and let me sleep in his bed? And how long has he known he was going to do this! He should have been honest from the start. I feel like a complete fool!
I slammed a third shot, and somewhere from underneath all the turmoil in my head sprang a little well of relief. Finally, the truth was out there. Things weren’t perfect between Dan and me, and I didn’t have to go on pretending they were. I didn’t have to wonder why the sex wasn’t passionate. I didn’t have to worry that something was wrong with me. Because there wasn’t! I was hot, dammit! Maybe I wasn’t as gorgeous as Skylar or as thin as Jillian, but I had some nice assets of my own. Miles said my buns were amazing.
Miles.
My blood warmed at the thought of him. Or maybe it was the vodka.
But Miles wanted me, right? Miles would never turn me down.
I took another swig of vodka, right from the bottle. Little seeds of want planted themselves inside me.
I want to kiss Miles.
I want his hands on me.
I want to touch him everywhere.
I watered the seeds with more vodka, and they multiplied.
I want to hear him say he wants me.
I want to see him lose control over me.
I want to feel him inside me.
I tipped back the bottle again and admitted to myself what I’d been denying for two days.
I want to fuck Miles.