Fuck, it’s sweltering. I need to do this or go home.
Impulsively, I tossed the first rock, and then the second. She appeared at the window a moment later and opened it.
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
“Come down.” This was not the kind of conversation you had through a screen.
“OK.” She closed the window and disappeared from view. I loved how she didn’t even question why I wanted to talk to her in the middle of the night. She just said OK and trusted that there was a good reason. This was a good reason, wasn’t it? The truth?
But then she came out of the house and tiptoed across the deck toward me, and my chest got tight. She wore shorts and a little white top that showed off her swimmer’s arms and the tops of her breasts. I’d stared at them a lot this summer when I hoped she wasn’t looking and got myself off daily to the thought of them. Her ass, too. She had the most unbelievable ass you can imagine, and in my wildest jerking-off fantasies she let me come all over it. Sometimes I felt guilty thinking about my friend like that, but not enough to stop.
“Hey,” she said quietly. Even in the dark, I could see the concern on her face.
“Hey.”
“God, this heat.” She reached behind her neck and piled her hair on her head. My dick jumped to life. She had no idea how sexy she was. “So what’s up?” she asked. “You OK?”
For a long moment, I just stared at her. A strange hollow formed in my chest, creating an ache I’d never experienced before and couldn’t name. Or maybe wouldn’t name. But one thing was certain—I couldn’t hurt her. The truth wasn’t a good enough reason.
“Yeah. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye!” She dropped her arms. “But you aren’t leaving until next week.”
“I changed my mind. I’m going in the morning.” Until that moment, I hadn’t planned to leave early at all. But standing here with her, seeing how perfect she was and knowing that she was giving herself away to that asshole was too much to handle. She’d told me sex with him was “beautiful” and “fast” and I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or hurl.
“Why are you leaving so soon?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Just ready to get out of here, I guess.” I glanced toward the driveway. “Saw Dan’s car here earlier. You guys get back together?”
“Yes.”
My hands curled into fists inside my pockets. “Why?”
“What do you mean, ‘why?’ Because we want to be together. We shouldn’t have broken up in the first place. They were only rumors. I was just being jealous and stupid.”
Jesus. She thought it was her fault? How could she be so smart and so stupid at once? “Yeah, I was gonna tell you that.”
Exasperated, she put her hands on my chest and shoved me backward, and I smiled at her feistiness.
“Kidding, kidding. You know I’d never think that about you.”
“No, I don’t.” She stuck her hands on her hips. “You say that stuff to me all the time.”
“That’s only because your reactions are fun. I love making you mad.” That was true, but right now it also felt safe. Her body was looking way too good to me right now, and my shorts were way too tight in the crotch.
“This is what you had to tell me before leaving? How you really feel about me?”
Oh, Jesus. I put my hands back in my pockets and tried to adjust myself. “How I really feel about you. You don’t want to know that.” I’d sort of meant it as a joke, since I was dealing with an uncooperative erection at the moment, but Natalie’s face was serious.
“Yes, I do. Tell me.”
Oh, fuck. What was the right thing to say here? The thing that wouldn’t ruin our friendship forever?
I decided to go with a truth, if not the truth. “I think Dan is the fucking luckiest bastard on this planet, and he better fucking realize what he has and treat you right.”
“That’s what you think about Dan.” Her eyes dared me to answer differently. “What do you think about me?”
Thunder growled above us, and the rain would start any minute. The air was hot and heavy with it.
Fuck it. I’m just going to be honest.
“I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. I think no one will ever be good enough for you, least of all me, but all I want to do right now is kiss you. Well, that’s not all I want to do. But it’s a start.”
She gasped and went perfectly still. And then the most amazing thing happened. She swayed forward, lifting her lips toward me as if she actually wanted me to do it. My hands clenched and my stomach muscles contracted. God, if it were any other girl, I’d have grabbed her and pulled her down on top of me in the grass already, impending thunderstorm or not. But it wasn’t any other girl—it was Natalie, and I knew she’d regret this. I had to do the right thing.
“But I can’t.” I tore my eyes away from that waiting mouth.
“Huh? I mean, no. You can’t.” Flustered, she backed away from me, her hands knotted in front of her.