As I walked back to the bar, a pretty female bartender was leaning over the bar chatting with Miles, and he was clearly turning on the charm, judging by the grin on her face. Jealousy kicked me in the gut. Not only of the way he was looking at her, but at her freedom to write her number on a coaster and slide it over to him. He’d call her, wouldn’t he? Anyone would. She had super long blonde hair and big breasts and a great smile. A Barbie doll. Maybe he’d even meet up with her tonight. Maybe they’d fuck at his parents’ house, in his old room. I’d slept in one of those beds once when we were seven or eight. Our one and only sleepover. Would he fuck her in my bed? And brag about how great it was tomorrow?
I was irrationally angry by the time I got to my chair. Angry at him, angry at her, and angry at myself. I was even angry with Dan for going out with the guys tonight. Why didn’t he want me like he used to? Why was our relationship so boring? And why was I here flirting with Miles, envying the bartender he’d probably bang heartlessly later on? I didn’t want that. I wanted to be banged with heart! And I wanted it tonight.
“There she is.” Miles turned to me. “I was just telling Jamie here about Coffee Darling. She’s new in town.”
Jamie gave me a friendly smile, which made me feel even worse about hating her. “Can I get you anything besides water, hon?”
“No, thanks.”
“Oh, come on.” Miles slung an arm around my neck, pulled me close and rubbed his knuckles on my head. “We don’t see each other enough, so you should get drunk with me. You don’t have to drive; I’ll drop you off. Or better yet, spend the night at my house. Give me one night to convince you to leave that asshole and run away with me.”
“Knock it off.” I pushed him away and ran my hands over my hair. “You’re crazy.”
“She doesn’t want me,” Miles said sadly, his expression crestfallen. “She never has.”
Jamie laughed. “Then maybe she’s the crazy one.”
He sat up straighter. “I think so too. So what are you doing later?”
“Oh, lordy.” I pulled my wallet from my bag. “You know what? It feels late, and I get up early. What do I owe you?”
Jamie disappeared to pour Miles’s beer, and he put a hand on my arm. “Hey, I was only kidding about her, Nat. Don’t go.”
“It’s not that. I really do have to go to bed.” I avoided looking at him, because I knew he could probably convince me to stay, and it was too dangerous. He was too tempting. I needed to go have sex with Dan, remind myself that what we had was real, and loving, and good.
It was, wasn’t it?
“OK.” He took his hand off me. “Put your money away. You treated me all day long. This one’s on me.”
“Thanks.” I put my wallet back in my bag and threw it over my shoulder as I stood. Glancing at Jamie, I added, “She’s hot. Looks like you’ll have fun tonight.”
He shrugged. “Eh, she’s no Natalie Nixon.”
My face warmed, and I shook my head. “You are such a flirt.”
“I know. And I love the way it bugs you. Hold on, I’ll walk you out.” He signaled to Jamie he’d be right back and put his credit card on the bar before following me to the exit. Stepping around me, he opened the door and allowed me to pass through first. “Where are you parked?”
“Just down the street.”
He walked next to me, hands in his pockets. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
“About what?”
“That I think you’re more beautiful than that bartender.”
I snorted. “No.”
He said nothing more until we reached my car. “Do you remember what I said to you the night before I left for school?”
It was still warm, but a shiver ran through me as I unlocked the door. Don’t do this to me, Miles. Not here in the dark with no one around. You’re confusing me. “No,” I lied. “What was it?”
“You really don’t remember?”
I laughed nervously. “Should I?”
He paused as I opened the door and stood behind it. “No. Never mind. Drive carefully.”
Sliding behind the wheel without hugging him goodnight, I dropped my bag on the passenger seat and gave him a too-bright smile. “I will. Have fun tonight.”
I started the engine and he shut the door, lifting one hand in a wave. Then he stood there as I drove away, looking sadder than he had a right to.
Well, maybe he had a right. What he’d said to me that night, the almost night, was unforgettable.
It was hot, the hottest August we’d had in years. And the heat was mean, the kind that made you feel exhausted all day long but refused to let you sleep at night. I don’t know how long I stood beneath her window, toying with the rocks in my hand, sweating my balls off and arguing with myself. Should I tell her or not?
Yes. She deserves to know.
No. It’s none of your business.
All summer I’d listened to Natalie ramble on about Dan, a thick-chested, empty-headed jerk-off I’d seen making out with another girl in his car at the fucking gas station two weeks ago. And I knew it was him because of his stupid license plate that read DAN 32 for his football number. Why the fuck I didn’t pound on the window and punch that bastard in the face, I have no clue. And I said nothing to Natalie, either, although it made me crazy to keep it from her. But it wasn’t like I was in love with her or anything. What the hell did I know about love? I was eighteen, for fuck’s sake. I loved sex and blowjobs and nachos.
But she mattered to me. And she could do so much better. It killed me to think of the way he’d betrayed her trust. I thought relationships were the worst idea ever, but if you were going to be in one, you should fucking be in it and not dick around. Especially on a girl like Natalie.