Slouch Witch (The Lazy Girl's Guide to Magic, #1)

Weathers deposited the pair of us in a pentagonal meeting room; another acknowledgment of the abilities of Geomancy no doubt. Seemingly from out of nowhere, Winter pulled out a sheet of paper with a list of names on it. I peered over his shoulder. There had to be at least twenty people. I heaved a silent sigh of despair. We were going to be here forever.

‘You should take the lead in the interviews,’ Winter said, surprising me.

I blinked. ‘Why?’

‘Because people seem to like you. You have a way of getting them to open up. Look at that man there. Weathers. I thought he was going to tell you his whole life story.’

I pursed my lips. ‘I’ve been a taxi driver for quite a few years,’ I said. ‘And people like to chat. Maybe it’s rubbed off.’ I grinned. ‘That, or I’m supremely talented.’

Winter smirked as if the idea were ridiculous and I punched him in the arm. He yelped, startling the first interviewee who almost backed out of the room again.

‘Come in, come in!’ I called out cheerfully. ‘I’m just beating up my associate.’

The woman shuffled into the room, throwing me a wary glance. She sat down on the chair in front of us, perching on the edge in case she had to make a run for it. So much for my winning ways.

I knitted my fingers underneath my chin and relaxed. ‘Hi.’ I checked the sheet. ‘Bethany.’

‘Hi,’ she responded.

I thought about how to start. Given how many names there were on the list, and that I wanted to get home again before the next millennium was up, I decided there was no point in beating around the bush. ‘Have you ever stolen anything for Adeptus Diall?’

Shock rippled across her face. ‘What? I … what? No!’

‘What was the last thing he asked you to do?’

‘Make him a cup of coffee.’

I leant forward. ‘How did he take his coffee?’

‘Three sugars.’ She stared wildly at Winter as if praying he would rescue her. He didn’t.

‘You may go now,’ I said, dismissing her.

‘But…’

‘Go! Shoo!’ I waved her off. ‘Send in the next one.’

As soon as she left the room, Winter leant across to me. ‘Ivy,’ he said patiently. ‘The reason I said you could take the lead is because you’re nice to people. It encourages them to tell the truth. I don’t think the approach you just used is going to do that.’

‘We’re on a clock though, aren’t we? We need to find the missing Cypher Manuscript before whoever’s taken it grasps all of its magic.’

He looked at me suspiciously. ‘Is that the only reason?’

‘Of course!’ I smiled innocently.

‘Why did you ask her how Diall takes his coffee?’

‘To see whether she was lying or not. The devil is in the detail. She didn’t hesitate. She’s nothing more than a coffee flunky.’ I amended this slightly. ‘At least as far as Diall was concerned.’ I paused. Hang on a second.

The next witch was edging into the room. I held up my hand and he halted in mid-step. ‘Bring Bethany back.’ He didn’t say a word but turned on his heel and did as I asked.

‘Actually,’ I murmured in an aside to Winter, ‘this power thing is kind of fun. If we get Volume 9 back maybe I should keep it for a while. It’s not as if you lot can look after it safely.’

Winter tutted as Bethany, looking more nervous than before, came back in. ‘Sit down, please,’ I told her.

She did as I asked. ‘What is it?’

I leant forward. Bethany leant back. ‘I’m going to assume that you make coffee for a lot of people in this office.’

Her eyes darted to Winter. He was watching me intently. ‘I suppose.’

‘That must be a bit shit. You’re just as much of a witch as them, right?’

Her nose twitched like a rabbit’s. I was right. ‘Yeah,’ Bethany admitted cautiously. ‘It’s a pain but I don’t mind that much.’

I pointed towards the door. ‘That guy.’ I glanced at Winter’s sheet of paper. ‘Bill January. How does he take his coffee?’

‘He doesn’t,’ she answered. ‘He prefers tea. Weak and milky.’ Her expression told me exactly what she thought of his preference.

‘How much of your time do you spend by the kettle?’

She looked wary, as if I were trying to accuse her of something. ‘Quite a bit.’

I pressed ahead. ‘I bet that when you give them their drinks, they barely even notice you.’

‘Sometimes they say thank you,’ she muttered.

‘And sometimes they don’t.’ I smiled. ‘Sometimes they’re in mid-conversation and they barely pay you any attention at all.’

Her bottom lip jutted out. ‘Yeah.’

My smile grew. ‘As a result, you probably know more about what’s going on under this roof than anyone else. You hear things. Lots of things.’ She didn’t say anything. ‘Bethany?’

‘Was that a question?’

I liked her. ‘Am I right?’ I asked softly.

She shrugged. ‘I guess.’

‘Are there any illicit romances going on?’

Winter sucked in his breath but didn’t stop me. That was good. I knew what I was doing. Sort of.

Bethany’s eyes shifted. ‘Deborah from marketing is having an affair with Tony.’ She hesitated then dropped her voice. ‘He’s married. They think I’ve not noticed but they share looks all the time. Brush against each other when they think no one is paying attention. That kind of thing.’

She clearly disapproved. To encourage her, I pursed my lips and shook my head. ‘Awful.’ I crossed my legs. ‘You have an eye for detail.’

The compliment pleased her. ‘I do.’

I kept my voice soft and went in for the kill. ‘Have you noticed anything unusual lately about anyone here? Anything at all? You could really help us out. Winter will put in a good word for you. He’s terribly important but he doesn’t let it go to his head. In fact, he’s made coffee for me and I’m a nobody.’

Bethany thought about it. ‘The HR Head. What’s his name? Adeptus Price? He was round here looking for Adeptus Diall. He seemed quite desperate to talk to him.’

‘Did he say why?’

‘No. He was pretty frantic though.’

I exchanged glances with Winter. ‘Anything else?’

Bethany shrugged. ‘Some people are missing. We’ve not seen them for days. No one’s saying anything because they think that they’re on some kind of secret mission for Diall. But I know they weren’t expecting to be away for so long because I’ve had to field calls about their missed appointments.’

‘Who? Who’s not here?’

‘Matthew Bellham and Alice Fairclough. They work together as partners. They left three days ago without telling anyone where they were going or what they were up to and we don’t know where they are now.’ Oh, yeah, them. I grimaced slightly but Bethany wasn’t done. ‘And another witch has been gone for ages. A First Level witch called Oscar Marsh.’

A triumphant trumpet sounded in my head. ‘Tell me about him.’

‘He’s a drunk,’ she said dismissively. ‘Adeptus Diall seemed to like him but he’s useless. And he’s a bastard.’

‘What makes you say he’s a bastard?’

‘He was born out of wedlock, of course.’

I blinked. ‘Er…’

Bethany ignored my startled reaction. ‘He doesn’t hold with the old ways. He brings a laptop into work.’ Her eyes grew saucer-wide. ‘A laptop,’ she repeated, obviously shocked at such a heinous infraction of the rules.

‘Unbelievable.’

She nodded fervently in agreement.

‘When was the last time you saw him?’