Slightly South of Simple (Peachtree Bluff #1)

“Exactly like when we were kids,” Emerson said.

It soothed me, that thought, that while the world seemed to be spinning too fast around me and I had lost my grip in so many ways, some things, the best things, stayed the same. Sloane took my hand, and I took Emerson’s. “It’s nice to know that all these years later, we’re still the Starlite Sisters.”

And it was.

“The skinny Starlite Sisters,” Emerson said, groaning. “So get your tails up before I wimp out.”

We sort of half-assed our ab work and sipped sparkling water to settle our stomachs and hydrate us during the leg work.

I didn’t even yell. There was no energy for that. But the few people walking down the beach all had plenty of energy to stare at us as if we had grown extra limbs. It was exercise, people. Get a grip. If you did it, you would recognize the action.

“Ohhh,” I groaned, rolling over onto my back, the cool sand feeling soothing and refreshing.

Emerson sat up and leaned her head almost to the ground to sip her water through a blue-and-white-striped paper straw. My paddleboard had a cooler on it that I, very smartly, had stocked with hangover essentials to get us through. “I’m too weak to lift my can,” Emerson said.

“Why did we do this?” Sloane asked, groaning. “Why would I let you people talk me into this?”

I rolled onto my side and looked at her. “Because a few months from now, you need to be doing a little better than sex letters. Got it?”

Paddleboarding back home felt less taxing, since the breeze was so nice. So, no, we weren’t really paddling fast enough to get our heart rates up and call it cardio. But it was so peaceful early in the morning. It was like the whole world belonged to us.

As we pulled our paddleboards back up onto the dock, Sloane said, “Since we worked out this morning, can we drive out and get McDonald’s?”

Peachtree didn’t allow chains of any kind in its downtown, so you had to drive a few miles for fast food. I mean, other people did. I hadn’t had fast food since 1998.

Emerson looked at me warily. “Can we?”

I scoffed. “Emerson, I expect this from her. She’s one of them now.” By “one of them,” I meant a Southerner, of course. “But I expect more from you.”

Emerson flopped dramatically onto her mat. “Do you know how long it has been since I have had a cheeseburger? I mean, a real one with a bun, not a lettuce wrap? And cheese, and ketchup with sugar, and all that stuff?”

“You weaklings!” I chided. “When you all have mad cow disease from cows fed their friends as a snack, I will not take care of you.”

“But think about the fries,” Sloane said. “Do you remember them, Caroline? Thin and the right amount of crispy, with plenty of extra salt?”

I didn’t want to. But I remembered anyway. They were oh so delicious. And hot. My head was pounding, and my stomach rolled.

“And a Coke?” I whispered. “A real, sugary, delicious Coke?”

Sloane nodded. Emerson sighed with happiness.

“If either of you tells Vivi, I will deny this until the day I die. She has never had fast food, and if I have anything to say about it, she never will.”

Emerson laughed, and Sloane actually clapped. “Well, Caroline Beaumont,” Sloane said, “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“I’ll drive,” I said, suddenly able to taste the flavors combining. The cheese and mustard, the ketchup, pickles and onions, all on that fluffy bun. With gluten! And that skinny patty that wasn’t too overpowering. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. But, you know, when in Rome.

Before I could get into the car, I saw James walking up the driveway. Shit. How was I going to get out of this? He couldn’t very well know that I was getting fast food.

Before I could even say “Hi,” he said, “So I heard you were on a date last night?”

That he was asking it like a question boded well for me.

“Who told you that?”

“I’m sorry. You were out on a date, and the biggest issue to you is who told me?”

Sloane took a step toward James and said, “Excuse me. Did you forget the hell you’ve put my sister through the past few months? Were you around while Ladies Who Lunch was airing, while every idiot with a Twitter account was talking about her? And it sure as hell wasn’t her fault. Did that occur to you?”

The Pilates and hangover combination must have made Sloane strong.

“Well, I—I . . .” James stuttered. “I just heard at coffee that you were out with Peter Hoffman, and it made me jealous.”

I rolled my eyes. Those old men at the Palm House made the beauty-parlor women in Steel Magnolias look tight-lipped.

“Who cares, anyway?” Emerson said. “It’s just Peter the Panter. It was a drink. She doesn’t even like him.”

“Wait,” James said, laughing. “Peter Hoffman is Peter the Panter?”

Sloane burst out laughing. “Oh, my gosh. I had totally forgotten about that!”

We all cracked up, and I guessed our laughter must have driven Hummus downstairs.

“You are going to wake the children with all this noise,” she said.

I burst into tears. It was absurd. Very Emerson-like. But this was Hummus’s last day. She had been a savior. And now she was going to be gone. I hugged her, and she squeezed me to her ample chest.

“You are going to be fine, my sweet being. This isn’t good-bye. This is simply the beginning of a new chapter.”

I felt another sob in my throat. It was a new chapter where I was going to go back to being a real, full-time, on-my-own mother.

“I need to leave for the airport in twenty minutes,” she said, turning to walk back upstairs.

As if on cue, Preston started crying. “I’ll get him,” I said.

“Does this mean the adventure is off?” Emerson whined.

“No,” I said. “This means get Taylor and Adam and move Preston’s car seat into the minivan.”

“Where are you going?” James asked, following me up the steps.

“It’s sister stuff,” I said. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh.” He looked dejected. But really, it wasn’t my job to protect his feelings. That ship had kind of sailed.

I picked Preston up out of the crib, and James said, “I’ll get his bottle ready.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

Vivi, bleary-eyed, walked into the room. “What is all the noise downstairs?”

“Say good-bye to Hummus,” I said, my voice catching in my throat again.

Vivi walked into the hall, where Hummus was rolling out her suitcase, and said, “’Bye, Hummus.” She squeezed her around her thick middle. I loved that woman. How could she leave me like this?

“’Bye, sweet being,” Hummus said to Vivi. Then she turned, blew me a kiss, and said, “Live your truth, Caroline.”

I was getting choked up again, and James looked like he might gag. “I guess I’ll take Hummus to the airport,” he said, handing me the bottle.

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