I looked at my watch. “You’re back already?”
Sloane shrugged. “I said I’d go out for a drink. I had a drink. I got dressed, I wore shoes, I even wore lipstick. It was a big deal.”
I smiled and shook my head, secretly thankful that she was home. “So what is this news?”
“Mom, I’m up for a role. A big, huge, giant role. Biggest of my career in a real, big-screen movie.”
I gasped. “No!”
“It’s such a good opportunity for her, Mom,” Sloane chimed in.
“Well, great! Take it.” I was so excited. Emerson deserved this.
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” she said. “Because there’s a catch. I have to do Playboy.”
I could tell that Jack was trying not to laugh, while my mouth was hanging completely open. You’re supposed to try not to run your children’s lives, but sometimes you must intervene. “Emerson Murphy, under no circumstances are you going to be in Playboy.”
She put her hands on her hips and said, “Oh, no, Mom. It’s not what you think. It’s a promotion for the movie.”
I could feel the utter shock on my face. “I don’t care if it’s to end world hunger, you’re not posing for Playboy, and that’s final.”
I looked at Jack, who was now having trouble controlling his laughter.
“But Mom,” Emerson said. “It will be a wonderful bonding opportunity for us.”
I cut my eyes at her. “What do you mean, ‘for us’?”
“The movie comes out next Mother’s Day, so they thought it would be cool to do a mother-daughter spread. We’ll be partially clothed, and you look so great, I figured it would be fun.”
I could feel now that my face was completely on fire, and I was having trouble taking breaths. Jack was laughing in earnest now.
No words. There were truly no words.
“Look,” Emerson said softly. “I know it’s kind of out of the box for you, but this is major for me. I mean, it’s a real, big-screen movie, for heaven’s sake. They are going to run layout ideas by us, and it will be totally tasteful.”
“Ansley!” Mom called from downstairs. “I’m ready to go to bed now. Can you come get my pajamas on and move me in there?”
I felt like I might faint. I don’t know how the words came out, but I heard myself call, “Just a minute, Mom!” Then I said, “You can’t be serious, Emerson. This is . . .” I didn’t finish, because I didn’t know what it was besides totally preposterous.
Jack helped Adam out of the bath as Sloane said, “Looks like this is all settled. I can’t wait to see the spread. I’ll go help Grammy.”
“This is going to be so good for my career,” Emerson was saying, following me as I followed Sloane.
I made my way to the landing, towel still in my hand, still too stunned to speak.
“I really appreciate your being so on board with this,” Emerson said, as she walked down the steps behind her sister.
My mouth hung open, “Emerson, I did not say—”
“I was totally wrong,” Sloane was saying. “I thought she’d have a fit.”
“But I . . .” I started, but I was having trouble finding the words. I couldn’t tell if all the blood was in my head or if all the blood had left it, but I couldn’t formulate thoughts. I was trying to say, But I am having a fit. Can’t you all hear me? It was like the bad dream where you’re opening your mouth to scream for help, but nothing comes out.
“I’m going to help Sloane get Grammy to bed,” Emerson called cheerily. “You’re the best mom in the world!”
I felt Jack’s hand on my shoulder as I, with a very weak voice, called, “Emerson!”
Sloane and Emerson were both at the bottom of the stairs. They turned simultaneously and yelled, “April Fools!”
I balled up the towel in my hand and threw it at Emerson. To my surprise, it hit her squarely. She and Sloane were laughing so hard they had disintegrated into a pile on the floor at the bottom of the steps.
“Your face!” Emerson gasped between her hysteria.
“Oh, my gosh!” Sloane practically cackled. “That was even better than I thought it would be.”
I sat down on the top step and put my head in my hands. “I am truly traumatized.”
Jack squeezed my shoulder.
I turned to him. “Did you know about this?”
He laughed. “No! I had no idea. But to say it was the best five minutes of my life is not an understatement.”
“I am not speaking to any of you. Not a single one. You are all on my bad list.” I put my head back in my hands.
“Why don’t you let me get the boys to bed?” Jack asked. “You’ve had a big night.”
I noticed with relief that he didn’t call them his grandkids again. Thank goodness. What was I supposed to say to that? We were barely dating. We had kissed one time. He had given one bath. This did not a grandparent make.
Even still, I couldn’t have done it without him. “Thank you,” I said. “I don’t know why you keep coming back here to this madhouse.”
Emerson and Sloane were still bursting with laughter like a couple of howler monkeys.
It made me think of the Simon and Garfunkel lyrics, Something tells me it’s all happening at the zoo.
I understood now why the zookeeper was very fond of rum.
* * *
EVERYONE IN TOWN PLAYS bingo in Peachtree on Tuesday nights. Everyone. It starts at six so the kids can participate and goes on long into the evening. Mr. Jones is the best in the business at calling out letters, there’s a full bar and a fun band, and like I said before, everyone in town plays. Everyone, that is, except for Caroline when we first moved back to Peachtree. Sloane and Emerson would beg her, tell her how much fun it was, come home with funny stories of what happened. But she wouldn’t budge. She’d look up from her Vogue magazine like they’d asked her to help clean fish guts off the boardwalk and say, “These people’s IQs must be even lower than I thought.”
She wouldn’t go, that is, until she met Peter Hoffman. Peter was Alma Jeffries’s grandson, and he was a god among mere mortal teenaged boys. He would have to have been to catch Caroline’s attention. He came to town that Christmas, and let me tell you, she had one look at him, and he was going to be all hers.
Caroline was an attractive girl, but she has gotten prettier as she has aged. Even back then, she had something, this power over people. That first time he laid eyes on her, Peter Hoffman asked Caroline to play bingo. She said yes, much to the delight of her sisters.
Much to the horror of her mother, everyone in town was talking about how Caroline and Peter were making out behind the Shriners building downtown while the final card was being played. But I decided that I would trade the humiliation for the happiness it brought my sullen daughter.
Peter was from Connecticut, and they kept in touch for a few months, but once the whirlwind of college began in earnest, Caroline had enough attention from enough boys to keep her occupied for quite some time.