I couldn’t read Emerson, couldn’t tell if she was happy to see Mark or just being polite.
After a few more minutes of eating, Emerson and Mark headed down the street with Vivi and Adam for dessert, since the cake was extra tipsy, while Sloane put Taylor to bed. I frantically dialed Caroline again. And texted her. Twice.
Jack walked into the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“Why would you be like this?” he asked. His hurt expression really did make me feel bad. “The girls acted like you’d be happy I was here.”
“Jack,” I said, “you know why I would be like this.”
He shook his head. “Ansley, it was fine. Nothing is going to happen. It’s all fine.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Carter’s gone, Ansley. Carter’s gone, the girls are grown. We haven’t seen each other in decades. It’s all fine.”
I bit my lip, wanting to believe him, wanting to be able to erase my uneasy feelings as easily as he could. Jack took my hand. “I know. I know that this may never happen. But Ansley, knowing something shouldn’t happen is different from knowing it can’t. And neither of those things is going to keep me from wanting to be with you.”
I smiled sadly, knowing that was true. “I know, Jack. But it doesn’t leave us in a different place.”
He nodded and glanced down, looking so sad for a moment that I almost wrapped him up and kissed him hard right then and there.
“Ansley, I have let you be for years and years. I’ve respected you, respected your wishes, played the role that you wanted me to play. But everything is different now. I can’t see any logical reason that we have to be apart. I stayed away from you for so many years. Now I’m just done.”
I knew what he meant. I knew the feeling. Because I couldn’t count the number of times I had wanted to go to him over the past fifteen years, the number of times I had pictured what it would be like if I showed up on his doorstep, if he pulled me to him, kissed me like no time had passed at all. In my heart of hearts, it was what I wanted. In my head, it was all more complicated than that.
I didn’t know how to answer. So I said, “Caroline.”
“Want me to help you look for her?” he asked.
I didn’t answer. I suppressed this incredible urge to be close to a man, to be held by him, to be safe in his arms. Not just any man. The man. Jack. If Carter wasn’t ever going to come back, I only wanted Jack.
My phone rang, and a bolt of fear jolted through me. I held up the phone. “James.”
“Don’t panic,” James said when I answered.
Nothing good ever starts with the words “Don’t panic.”
“What’s happening?”
He sighed. “Caroline is in labor.”
“Oh, my gosh, but she isn’t due for . . .” I did the math in my head. “Nineteen days.”
“Yeah,” James said. “I know. She isn’t happy.” He paused. “She’s very unhappy that I’m here. She’s very unhappy that Hummus isn’t here. But on the bright side, she’s not freaking out about the hospital germs.” He paused. “Obviously, I’ve already sterilized every surface and put new sheets on her bed. But that’s pretty benign, considering.”
“Does she want us?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “She wants you all.”
“Even Emmy?”
“Even Emmy.”
My phone beeped, and I looked down at the screen. My brother Scott. Obviously, this was not the time to chat, so I texted him, BABY TIME!!!!
He texted back, Right on! Tell Caroline if it’s a boy his name better be Scott.
“Tell our girl we’re on our way.” I looked up at Jack. “Is this what you imagined? All those times over the years you thought about coming to see me, is this what you envisioned?”
He kissed my hand, which I realized he had been holding all that time. “Ansley, this is what I’ve dreamed about my entire life. The only thing that could make it better would be to rewind thirty years and get to start from there.” He paused. “Or, well, you know, at least fifteen.”
I took a deep breath. I called Emerson. “Hey,” I said. “Caroline is in labor, and she wants all of us, even you.” I was so excited and distracted I didn’t even have time to consider what was happening between Mark and her.
“Oh, my gosh! OK, you guys go ahead, and Vivi and I will meet you.”
“OK, then. We’ll see you soon.”
I grabbed my keys and my purse. “All right, Jack,” I said. “I’ll let you know if my new grandchild is a boy or a girl.”
He looked at me, confused. “Let me know? I’m going with you.”
“Jack!” I looked at him in amazement.
He put his hands up. “I’m kidding, Ansley. I get it.” He paused. “In my defense, this dinner wasn’t my idea. What was I supposed to say? Those girls are persuasive as hell.”
“Just please remember what I said.”
He nodded. I grabbed my keys and ran out the back door.
My fourth grandchild was getting ready to come into the world. Three weeks early. But it’s at moments like these that you have to trust that the universe knows what it’s doing. Any fool could see that our family wasn’t at its best. But I couldn’t help feeling that all was right with the world.
EIGHTEEN
pipe dream
caroline
Emerson had taken a long time to grow hair when she was a baby. I mean, she had some, but it was really short. By the time she turned three, I was sick and tired of people saying, “What a beautiful little boy.”
Mom and Dad did not seem terribly concerned about this state of affairs, which annoyed me to no end. I considered getting her a wig, but she wouldn’t even keep a hat on, so I knew that wouldn’t work.
One afternoon, when Mom had a dentist appointment and we had a sitter, I formulated a plan. Sloane would distract the sitter, saying that she needed a lot of help with her homework. I would kidnap Emerson.
It worked like a charm. I had Emerson in the stroller and out the door before anyone was the wiser. I was ten, so no, I wasn’t allowed to babysit or go out by myself. But, well, as you might imagine, the rules have not always been my primary concern.
I walked to the jewelry store two blocks away, pulled out the allowance I had stuffed into my pockets, picked out a tiny pair of diamond studs, and said, “I’d like to get my sister’s ears pierced, please.”
The angst-filled teenager with the earring gun gave me a second look. To my surprise, I didn’t even have to launch into the neatly planned diatribe I had practiced to talk her into it.
Emerson screamed, of course. But I gave her the sucker I’d brought, and that calmed her down quickly. On the way back to the apartment, someone stopped me and said, “What a beautiful little girl.”
Mission accomplished.
What I hadn’t counted on was that my mom would come home early or that she would call the police. I mean, yeah, I knew she was going to be mad. But I didn’t know how mad.