I sat up against the headboard and began to unbutton my nightgown. Phillip yelped “Hold off!” and exited the room as if he were on fire.
I had the mask and the gloves handy, and I pulled them on before I took the baby. Poor Sophie. She must have thought her mother was very odd. But since she was seriously hungry, she didn’t object to the mask. I popped out my boob and got her situated on a pillow across my lap. As I looked down at her, I marveled at the reddish fuzz on her lovely round head, the curve of her plump cheek, the grip of her tiny hands.
Having her had been the worst physical experience of my life. When I remembered it, I shuddered. But as I looked down at the prize I had received for a few hours of suffering, I knew I would have gone through twice the pain to have my baby. Considering the ages of her mom and dad, Sophie might well be an only child, but I was not troubled by that. I was lucky to have a baby at all, because for years I’d believed I wasn’t fertile and would never have a child. I was so in love with her.
Big love notwithstanding, by the time Sophie was through all I was able to feel was my own misery. She was full and wakeful and wet again. Virginia, who’d glanced in a couple of times, deftly scooped Sophie out of my arms. I stripped off the gloves and the mask with some relief, and rebuttoned my nightgown.
“After I burp her and change her, I’m going to put her under the activity station,” Virginia said. “Let her enjoy some wiggle time. Can I bring you anything? Some fruit juice?”
I pictured a glass of apple juice. I didn’t feel nauseated. “That sounds like a good idea,” I said. “Thanks so much.” I’d always heard nannies were just supposed to take care of the baby in their charge, not act as maids. When Virginia had shown herself willing to cycle the laundry through on her first stay with us, I’d been impressed.
“Your brother is a nice-looking boy. Polite.” She had brought me a glass of juice. She stood in my doorway, looking across to Sophie’s room to watch her having “awake” time.
“He is,” I agreed. The cold fluid felt good on my throat, though I shivered even harder. I rearranged the pillows bolstering me up so I could lie flat, and pulled the covers up to my chin again. “We’re glad to have him here.” Almost all the time, I added silently. From being the parents of no one, we’d become in loco parentis for Phillip when he’d run away to live with us, and now we’d added our very own infant. From footloose and fancy-free, to moving in together, to adding Phillip to our family, to getting married. And having the baby. Within less than a year.
That was a lot of life.
I managed to stay awake to read, though I didn’t enjoy it much. I had to read through the same passage over and over to get the sense of it. What I needed was a book I’d read before. When I was ill, a familiar book was a better companion; but I didn’t have the energy to go to our home library, which lined the walls of Robin’s office. I turned on the television with the sound down low and closed captioning on, and watched a show about law enforcement in Alaska. I couldn’t have told you what had happened, when the closing credits ran.
Virginia came by the door a few times. I realized I could call her if I needed her, but she was here to take care of the baby, not me. It took me ten minutes to talk myself into crawling out of the bed and staggering into the bathroom, where I found some Tylenol and gulped the pills down with a mouthful of water.
I surfaced some time later to hear a voice rising and falling. I lay with my eyes closed, trying to figure out who was talking. Oh, Virginia. Since she could hardly be arguing with Phillip, especially with such vehemence, she must be on her cell. Her voice was suppressed, but angry. I started to call out to ask her if she was all right, but then I realized it was hardly my business.
Virginia’s agitation made me anxious. I was relieved she seemed calm when she brought Sophie to me a short time later. I couldn’t have told you what time it was, and we didn’t speak. I nursed Sophie automatically. Afterward, Virginia, blessedly, swooped down to whisk Sophie away. I could hear her singing to the baby, in a very pretty voice, and then I was out again.
Chapter Three
When I woke up in the morning, the sun was shining through the blinds. I had to visit the bathroom in a very urgent way. To reach it, I had to hold on to the furniture. That scared me. It was after seven, and the monitor was on the bedside table, so Virginia had left.
At eight thirty, Phillip came in with a weeping Sophie. He was already dressed in jeans and an old T-shirt for his job on the cleanup crew. “I changed Sophie, and I walked around with her. But she keeps crying.” He was clearly anxious.
“Okay, hand her over,” I said, trying to sound like I was on top of the situation. Sophie, red in the face and screaming, was still beautiful, but maybe on a more primal level. I took my precautions with the gloves and the mask—again—and put her to the breast so quickly that Phillip didn’t even have time to turn around. I flipped the sheet over her head so I wouldn’t traumatize my brother.
There was instant silence, except for the adorable little noises Sophie made when she ate.
“Wow,” Phillip said, with some relief, appreciating the quiet. “Um, Roe, you really don’t look any better. Are you sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone?”
“Just come home as soon as you can,” I said. “I can handle her until then. Virginia will be back this evening. And before you go? If you can bring me some diapers and the box of wipes, I can change her in here.”
“When do you think you’ll be better?” Phillip actually sounded worried. “Should I call the doctor? Or take you to an emergency care place?”
“I’m sure I’ll run some more fever later today, but right now I’m okay.” That was somewhat true. “And you know, if I feel terrible, I can call … someone.” I’d been about to say my mother, but she was gone.
He looked relieved. “So when does Robin get his award?”
“Oh, don’t jinx him! Tonight, I hope. They’ll announce the winners at a banquet.”
“This is a big deal?”
“If you’re a mystery fan, it’s just about the biggest deal. It would make Robin so happy.”
“You’re really crazy about him, aren’t you? I mean … you didn’t get married because of Sophie being on the way.”
On the one hand, this really wasn’t Phillip’s business. On the other hand, he seemed to need reassurance. “Never doubt that Robin and I are a real couple,” I said gently.
He reddened. He kissed Sophie’s head to give himself a moment. “Sorry,” he said gruffly. “It’s just, I would hate it if you two started fighting.”
Phillip had seen and heard enough arguing between my father and his second wife, Phillip’s mother. “We won’t,” I said firmly. “I can’t say we won’t ever disagree, because we do from time to time. But we’ll never have screaming fights.”