And just like that, the sacrifice is given—my life for Sinner’s Creed.
—
Two blunts and a bottle of whiskey later, we’re still sitting in silence. I’d asked about Shady, and Roach had assured me that he was safe. There was no mention of him even being there. Good. The Prospects had listened; so had the patch holder. My life would be taken, but it would be the only one. I wouldn’t let another brother take the fall.
Time seemed to stand still on the back of the patio, in an old bar, in Jackpot, Nevada. But the real world was still happening outside this place. And in that world was Saylor. Roach needed my company. He needed my reassurance that I had no hard feelings against him or any of my brothers. But I’d given him all I could. Now I needed to devote the time I had left to the other most important thing in my life—Saylor Samson.
“Thank you, Roach. And I don’t just mean for telling me this. For everything,” I say as I stand to leave. He stands with me and I embrace him in a hug.
“I love you, Dirk. Love you like you’re my own. ’Cause you are.”
“I love you too, brother.” And the words feel right. And I see peace in the eyes of the man before me. When I leave, my last image of Roach tells me this is our good-bye. But it’s not me who will die first. Roach is knocking at death’s door, and my life is just getting started.
I’ve made a promise to a woman and I don’t plan on breaking it. I also made a promise to myself that if death came for me, I would fight him. I’m not scared to die, but now I have something to live for. And I’m not scared of Death Mob. I know that once they get the okay from Nationals, they’ll come looking for me. I sent the message that I wanted all those motherfuckers to come, and I meant it. I’ve got something for them. And it sure as fuck ain’t my life.
—
I get back to the house to find Shady and Saylor watching TV and eating ice cream. Saylor smiles when I come in, and I wonder what lie Shady told her to keep her calm. I lean down and kiss her, give her a smile, then tell her I need to holler at Shady a minute. I see the question in her eyes, but I shoot her a wink and it’s reassurance enough that everything is okay.
Shady follows me out back and I fill him in on what I was told. It goes about as well as I expected.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I shhh him, then stop and replay the moment in my head. I’ve never shhhed someone in my life. What the fuck was wrong with me? But Shady didn’t notice because he is still ranting.
“Calm the fuck down before Saylor hears you.” He bites his lip, then kicks the dirt, runs his hands through his hair, then makes a grunting noise before finally calming down and turning his attention back to me. “It’s my decision. I won’t let the club take the hit for what I did. It’s my fuckup, my responsibility. This one is on me. It’s protocol, Shady. Don’t act so surprised.”
“Well, I am fucking surprised. I’m surprised that the club you’ve devoted your whole life to isn’t ready to go to battle for you. Instead, they just want to turn you over to the wolves with a pat on the back and a ‘thank you very much, have a nice fucking day.’ You may have a say, but you are not the deciding factor. I don’t care how important you think you are.”
He’s right, but my only other option is to run, and I refuse to put Saylor through that—not that I would even if she wasn’t in my life. I’d rather stay and die than to go out like a coward.
“Fuck, Dirk. I can’t sit back and let these motherfuckers just take you out.” Shady kicks at the dirt again and mumbles a string of fucks, using the word every way imaginable. His behavior isn’t unusual, but tonight I find it more comical than I normally do. So much so that I smirk at him. “What’s so fucking funny?”
“You. I don’t know if I should be offended or honored.”
“Offended? How is that offensive? And what am I doing in this moment that is so honorable?” Shady looks like a whiny-ass teenager, and I find it so funny that my smirk forms into a smile that soon turns into me laughing. He looks at me like I’m crazy. Hell, maybe I am.
“I’m honored that you think so highly of me as your brother to be bothered by this.” He nods in understanding, and when I don’t continue, he throws his hand out and looks at me expectantly.
“And?” My laughter is short lived, but I’m still smiling.
“And I’m offended that you think I’m actually gonna let these motherfuckers get to me. When have you ever seen me lose, Shady?” He shakes his head, his own shit-eating smile replacing the look of confusion on his face.
“Never, Dirk. Never.” Losing was something I didn’t know how to do. And it was something I refused to learn.
—