My nerves jittered as I walked into Wetherspoons, wondering if she would recognise my face. I had changed so much from the girl I used to be. Meeting Alex had turned my life around. It felt like a rebirth, going to university and living a normal life. It was only when I shared a house with other students that I realised my disruptive upbringing was far from the norm.
She had asked to meet in the Playhouse pub in Colchester. My profile picture had left her with little clue to my identity, but when I entered the bar I recognised her straight away. She had kind eyes behind her designer glasses and I could see a tiny bit of Luke in her. She was slimmer but not as tall as her brother, and her hair was a couple of shades lighter: brunette with a touch of sun-kissed blonde. The lines around her eyes suggested someone who was optimistic by nature. With her black dress and red court shoes, she made me feel underdressed. She extended her hand, gripping mine in a strong pumping action. I remembered my close encounter with my angry bride, imagining what Noelle would do with those fists if she were angry enough to take her frustrations out on me. But still, I felt a pang of sympathy for her. I knew what it was like to live without a family member, to feel the ghost of their presence, unable to move on. As we sat, I looked from left to right checking we had a quiet space.
‘You don’t remember me, do you?’ I asked, mirroring her smile.
‘I have to say your face rings a bell, but not your name. You’re local, aren’t you?’ Noelle said, tilting her head to one side.
‘Mersea Island,’ I said quietly. ‘I knew your brother, Luke, from school.’ I waited for an outburst, or at the very least some mumblings of disbelief. Instead, she took out her business folder, spreading a set of leaflets on the table in front of us.
‘Oh there’s lots of interested clients in Mersea Island, you should make a killing out there. There’s lots of people keen to supplement their income selling aloe vera, especially when it works so well.’ She spoke in full business patter mode, barely stopping for breath. She had either not heard my comment about her brother or she was deliberately choosing to ignore it. Being a businesswoman myself, I could see that her focus was on getting me to subscribe to her network marketing team. By the end of her presentation, her fingers were positively twitching as they held the pen for the sign-up form.
‘Have you heard from Luke lately?’ I said, my gaze falling to the paperwork on the table.
‘Why do you ask?’ she said, her smile fading.
I glanced at her, trying to mask the guilt I felt inside. ‘Oh, no reason. I heard he went off the radar and I was just wondering if you’d been in touch.’
It felt like the air was being sucked out of the room as she scrutinised my face. Like a worm baking under the sun, I squirmed under the heat of her gaze.
‘Has Luke sent you? Because if he has, I don’t want to know.’ She snapped the paperwork from the table, giving me nothing to look at as I tried to divert my eyes. Her chest was heaving now, as if she were short of breath.
‘I told you, I’m an old friend. Why, is there a problem with that?’ I straightened in my chair. I had been assaulted once already, I did not want to make a habit of it.
But Noelle wasn’t having any of it and tucked away her paperwork before getting in my face. ‘You’re not interested in these products at all, are you? Mum told me to be careful meeting strangers online.’ She shook her head. ‘Has Luke sent you? Run out of money, has he? Is that it?’ But each word seemed difficult for her to express as her breath became strained. She fumbled in her bag, the colour draining from her face as she searched for something inside.
I was grateful for the precious seconds that gave me time to work out what to say. I had not expected this response at all. Luke’s family had supported him when he’d taken out the injunction against me in school. Noelle was chalk white with fear. What had happened since then to turn things around?
With obvious relief, she pulled a blue-tipped asthma inhaler from her bag. It was similar to the ones my dad used to use before his emphysema was diagnosed. Giving me a weary glance, she attached it to her mouth and delivered two short puffs of air.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘I didn’t mean to waste your time. Luke didn’t send me, but I do need to know where he is. Does he still live in Colchester? Have you heard from him since he disappeared?’ My words fired out at an alarming rate. I told myself to slow down, but I couldn’t help it as my anxiety took hold. Was he alive or not? I wanted to shake her until she told me what I needed to know.
She gathered up her things, almost toppling over her chair in her haste to get away. Grabbing her bag from the floor, she pulled a set of car keys from her pocket.
I rose too, ready to follow her out. But Noelle had other ideas. She spun on her heel to face me. ‘Why are you following me? I don’t know where he is, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. The best thing you can do is steer well clear of him.’
I followed her as she made her way out, under the steady eye of the barman. Her feet pounding the pavement, she beat a retreat towards her parked car. Anger flared inside me as I trotted beside her in an effort to keep up. ‘It’s a shame you didn’t think that way when he was taking an injunction out against me.’
Noelle came to a dead stop, a glimmer of recognition in her eyes. ‘You’re . . .’
‘Emma Hetherington. Luke taught me in school.’
‘He did more than teach you, from what I remember,’ she said, her brows knitting together in a frown.
I flushed. ‘Yes, well . . . that’s in the past. I’m married now, trying to get on with my life.’
‘Well then why are you following me?’ My time up, she continued her walk to the car.
‘Because I’m scared,’ I blurted. ‘Please. I need your help. He’s tearing my family apart and I don’t know what to do.’
Noelle stilled for a second time. She leaned against her car, her fingers digging into her bag, gripping the inhaler for another puff.
‘Get in,’ she said, nodding towards the passenger seat of her grey Ford Focus.
I pushed away an empty Coke can with my foot and settled in the passenger seat. My nerves were bubbling up inside me as I wondered if this was such a good idea after all. What if Noelle drove off and brought me straight to Luke? I could be walking into a trap. I took a deep breath.
‘I don’t want to bring any trouble to your door,’ I said, encouraged by the sympathy in her eyes. ‘But I need to know where Luke is. I’m scared he’s come back.’ I filled her in on the recent events, omitting the incident four years earlier.
‘I don’t know where he is,’ Noelle said, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel. ‘And I don’t want to know. Luke’s . . . well, he’s bad news. I’m sorry we didn’t believe you before. We underestimated him.’
‘When’s the last time you heard from him?’ I said, my eyes on the footwell of her car.
Noelle exhaled a lungful of breath. ‘Three . . . four years ago? I’m sorry I shouted at you, but you put the wind up me. The last thing I need . . . the last thing my family needs is to see Luke again.’
I gave her an imploring look, desperate for a semblance of help. ‘Can you tell me what happened? Give me some idea of what I’m dealing with? Luke said he had a difficult childhood. Maybe if I knew more about him I’d know what I’m up against.’
‘Pfft,’ Noelle said. ‘Tough childhood my backside. When did he tell you that?’
‘When we met,’ I said. ‘I used to talk to him after school.’
‘And were you by any chance telling him about your own difficult childhood?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But what’s that got to do with anything?’
Noelle’s mouth jerked upwards in a sardonic smile. ‘He was mirroring you. Luke’s an expert manipulator. That’s what makes him so dangerous.’