I found myself filled with electric nervous energy that spilled out as I moved around the kitchen. Even washing my hands was a frantic scrubbing rather than my usual quick rinse and dry.
“Now, Aiden, I want you to know that this is your home and you’re welcome here,” Jake said as I busied around the two men in my life, trying not to think about the moment Rob had wrapped his arms around me in this very spot. “But there are some rules.” I turned and watched. Aiden appeared to be listening intently. I had been about to tell Jake to go easy, but he certainly had Aiden’s attention, and even though I didn’t particularly agree with giving Aiden ground rules so soon, it was good to see my son actually listening. So I let him continue. “We keep a tidy house here. We wash our dishes straight after using them and we put things away. But don’t worry too much, okay. Don’t get stressed out about it. We’ll help you out. Okay, kid?”
I couldn’t help but smile. Jake really was trying his best to deal with the situation.
As I stirred my casserole, Jake directed Aiden in setting the kitchen table. They unfolded a tablecloth together and put down the placemats. My damaged old heart fleshed out just a little bit as I watched them. If only Aiden had smiled, or said something. Perhaps listening would have to do for now. But the way Aiden quietly followed Jake’s instructions felt like progress, and I loved Jake all the more for the way he was handling my psychologically wounded son.
“All right, who’s ready for hot dogs?”
Jake stuck his hand up like the suck-up kid in class. “I certainly am. What about you, Aiden?”
“I hope you’re both hungry,” I said, trying to fill the silence while Aiden ignored the question.
As I placed the hot dish onto the table, the phone began to ring.
“I’ll get it.” Jake started to stand, but I flapped my hands at him and shook my head.
“I’m on my feet anyway. You two get your teas while it’s still hot.”
I padded into the hall to pick up the landline. There were only a handful of people who bothered to call the landline, which could explain why my heart was pattering beneath my grey woollen jumper. I shook my head, trying to ignore the irrational heat of anxiety worming its way through my veins.
“Hello.”
“Emma, it’s DCI Stevenson; are you well?”
“I’m fine. Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine, Emma. But I wanted to talk to you about an idea I have.”
*
The next morning, I stood on the edge of Rough Valley Forest with Aiden on my right and Dr Foster on my left. We’d always called it ‘going rough’ when we were teenagers. We’d drink in ‘Rough’ as a dare. To me the forest had always been a place of silliness, of youth and irresponsibility. That day, standing next to Aiden, could not be more different than ‘going rough’. I had an important job to do as a mother.
I’d agreed with DCI Stevenson to keep our intentions quiet. Jake had wanted to come with us, but I advised him to go to school instead. The less fuss the better. I hadn’t called Rob, which I was trying not to think about. Would he understand? He’d want to be here, I knew that much, but I didn’t want to crowd Aiden.
We all had on our waterproof coats against the rain. Aiden’s was brand new, bought only a few days ago. But I hadn’t thought to buy wellies, so trainers had to suffice.
It was a grey, drab day. A nothing day. A day that should barely be a blip on our own personal radars. And yet… it was a something day, because of what was about to happen. There was also a hint of beauty in the low-hanging fog. The rain pattered against the hood of my jacket. The air was very still, without even a hint of wind, which brought the rain directly overhead. Mist clung to the branches and blocked the path to the forest.
“I would have waited,” said Stevenson. “But with the story beginning to spread, I thought it would be best to try it now before the press start following us around wherever we go. How’s Aiden doing?”
It was a loaded question and we both knew it. DCI Stevenson was, of course, desperate for Aiden to start talking. We all were.
“Small steps,” I said. Then I added, “Still no words.”
“It’s going to take time, Detective,” said Dr Foster. I was glad of her presence, though she had remained relatively quiet so far. It was nice to have another woman around sometimes, especially if she backed you up from time to time.
Stevenson nodded, with his thin lips even thinner due to his sombre expression. The disappointment was easy to read on his face. “You know what I’d like Aiden to do today, don’t you?”