She's Not There

“Staying home, looking after two little kids. I’d go crazy with the lack of adult stimulation. It must turn your brain to mush. I think you’re amazing. I really do.”


Caroline tried not to bristle at the subtle insult embedded in the compliment or at having to defend her decision to be a stay-at-home mom. “It’s only for a few more years. Then I’ll go back to teaching.”

“Another job I could never do. Especially math. It’s so boring.”

“I don’t find it boring at all…”

“Really?” asked Rain, eyes wide with wonder.

“I guess everything must seem pretty dull when you compare it to modeling,” Peggy said, as the waiter returned with a fresh round of drinks. “Jerrod says you’re still in a fair bit of demand…”

“More than a fair bit. And I’m offered way more jobs than I’m able to accept because of all my charity work. Plus Jerrod travels so much, and he likes me to go with him, so I’m limited in what projects I can take on.” She leaned in, motioning with her hands for the others to do the same, as if she were about to impart a great secret. “We made a pact when we got married that we’d never spend more than two nights apart. That’s what put the kibosh on Jerrod’s first marriage, you know. Made him especially vulnerable to women like me.” She gave a smile that could only be described as dazzling. “My husband has an insatiable libido, and I’m happy to say he’s finally met his match.” She tossed her head back, her honey-blond hair cascading halfway down her back, then held that position, as if waiting for a photographer to snap her picture.

“I didn’t realize he had to travel that much,” Caroline said, although what she really wanted to say was “Oh, God, no. Please let’s not talk about that.” She didn’t want to discuss Rain’s sex life or her role in the dissolution of Jerrod’s previous marriage. She didn’t know much about either Rain or Jerrod other than that Jerrod was the lead director of a major mining corporation, and he and Hunter had become friendly when Hunter’s firm was hired to handle a recent acquisition. Rain was fun to be around, in large part because you never knew what outrageous thing she was going to say next, but she and Rain would never be bosom buddies. In Hunter’s words, “a little of her went a long way.”

“Every month we’re off somewhere new and exciting,” Rain was saying. “Alaska, Vancouver, South America. Visiting mines. Meeting with local dignitaries. These last five years have been quite the adventure.”

“No time for kids, I guess,” Peggy said.

“God, no. Besides, Jerrod already has three with his first wife. That’s more than enough.” She made a face. “I don’t know. Children have never been my thing. They’re just so…”

“Boring?” asked Caroline.

Rain laughed. “Kind of like math.”

“I don’t think children are boring,” Peggy said.

“That’s because you have them. You have to feel that way. But we know the truth, don’t we, Becky?”

Once again Caroline found herself holding her breath, understanding that Rain likely knew nothing of Becky’s situation. The two women had met only a week ago and Becky wasn’t in the habit of discussing her fertility problems with relative strangers. Or with anyone, for that matter.

Caroline looked toward her sister-in-law, who acknowledged her glance with a roll of her eyes before turning away. They’d been close once, more like sisters than sisters-in-law. But Becky, fueled by her mother-in-law’s constant comparisons, had grown increasingly distant over the years, more so after Samantha’s birth. She’d tried to hide it, but it was pretty obvious she regarded Caroline’s fecundity as something of a personal affront.

Caroline took another sip of her drink, leaned back in her chaise, and closed her eyes. She was exhausted. Who knew that relaxing could be such hard work?

“Time for more sunscreen,” a voice said. “Your nose is getting burned.”

Caroline opened her eyes to see Peggy’s face looming above hers. “What?”

“You’re getting a bit red.”

Caroline bolted upright, knocking her canvas bag off her chair, its contents spilling onto the concrete. “I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?”

“Five after four.”

“Shit. I was supposed to pick up Michelle at four.” She scrambled to retrieve the items that had escaped her bag, then pushed herself to her feet. “Where is everyone?” she asked, looking around.

“Becky had a headache, so she went back to her room about half an hour ago. Rain had an appointment for a massage.”

“Well, I hate to leave you here alone…”

“No problem. I’ve had enough lounging. Time to go upstairs and take a nap.” Peggy slipped her hand through Caroline’s and together they headed for the lobby.

“I can’t believe I passed out like that. Did I miss anything?”

“You mean with Little Miss Met-His-Match? No, thankfully she spared us further details. For a minute I thought we were back in high school.”

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