“And you don’t?” he asks with his head tilted and his eyebrows furrowed, clearly perplexed.
Smiling, I shake my head. “I always want to get better, but I’m not sure about bigger. Or richer. Or more famous. Maybe. I just don’t know, and that’s the problem. It’s all so new to me I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what is the best for me on a personal level. But what I do know is that I’m not sure I want to be owned by a label. I’m not sure I’m cut out for that type of life where I’m at their beck and call, and I have to be where they want and when they want it. I have to produce music for them, and not for me. It seems a little plastic feeling to me, you know?”
“You know your deal with Phoenix doesn’t have to be typical,” he offers. “I mean, I’m sure they are willing to give up some of that stuff. With indie music on the rise, they know they have to move with the change in the industry. They have to appease their artists a bit more.”
“Maybe,” is all I can say, because I’m not sure I really trust that sentiment.
“Maybe I should talk to Emma about this,” Tyler muses thoughtfully. “I mean… if I could get her to understand that if we approached Phoenix more from the perspective of these things, she would feel better about the deal.”
“Wait a minute,” I say as I now lean forward and put my hands on my knees. I pin him with a direct look. “Emma isn’t pushing me to stay indie if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“She’s not?” Tyler asks, clearly surprised by this news.
“Fuck no,” I assure him. “She’s done nothing more than advise me about the pros and cons of each. We’ve talked about it a lot, but it’s basically her making sure I understand the legal implications. She won’t take a stand either way, despite me asking her to.”
And that’s the honest fucking truth. She’s refused to tell me what she thinks I should do, point blank insisting it’s not for her to decide and she doesn’t want to sway me. I even tried a different tact with her one night when we were talking about all of this, and asked her, “Well, if you were in my shoes… if this was you with these choices, what would you do?”
She just laughed at me, kissed me on my jaw softly, and said, “That’s the oldest trick in the book, Evan. And I’m not falling for it.”
Minx.
Fuck, I miss her.
Tyler shifts in his chair. As I examine him, I note he looks perplexed. “What’s wrong?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. I just… I guess I just assumed Emma was pushing you to stay indie.”
“Not at all,” I assure him. “She’s only told me to trust my gut and follow my instinct after being clear on all the facts.”
“Huh,” Tyler says, almost in an acknowledging grunt.
“Although honestly, man,” I feel compelled to add on, “if she’d actually give me an opinion, I’d take it seriously.”
“Because she’s your attorney?” he asks for clarification.
“Because she’s that and more,” I tell him firmly.
Tyler gives a nod of understanding, a thoughtful look on his face, but it’s not dismissive of my declaration about Emma. “Understood.”
Things feel okay now although he’s no more enlightened about what my decision will be than when he came in. That’s because I haven’t made my decision. I want to talk to Emma again, and I want it to be face to face, so I’ll wait until she gets here. I’m thinking of perhaps pushing at Phoenix on a counter offer that gives me some more autonomy and control, as well as to make some demands of things I don’t want to do, or I don’t want to do too frequently as it were. I know I’m not going to get away with completely removing myself from all the things that are associated with a label marketing their star.
“Want to go out and grab some lunch?” Tyler asks me as he stands up from the chair.
And you know what? That sounds good. We arrived in Portland from San Francisco in the early morning hours, and I wouldn’t mind seeing a little bit of it before I have to start prepping this afternoon for tonight’s concert. “Yeah… I would actually. Let me grab a quick shower.”
“Okay,” Tyler says as he stands up and gives me a short but soft punch on my shoulder. “Just come grab me on the other bus when you’re ready.”
As soon as Tyler leaves and the doors close again, I grab my phone off the side table at the end of the couch, ruffle Sirius’ head briefly, and then call Emma as I head back to the bedroom to grab some clean clothes.
She answers on the second ring. “Hey stud,” she says softly, and that greeting goes straight to my dick. It’s not dirty in the slightest, but it’s affectionate and speaks to Emma’s ever-increasing ease in flirting with me. While I still enjoy embarrassing the shit out of her, I’m equally turned on by her unexpected endearments.
“Hey,” I say back. “You’ll never guess what?”
“Ed McMahon paid you a visit?” she guesses.
“Who?” I ask, befuddled.