“I like who I have on my arm just fine,” I tell her.
She doesn’t believe me. I can see it in her eyes. “But… it’s just sex, right? I mean, you saw a girl who I suppose you’re attracted to and we’re sharing space together, and you got me to take a risk. And well… we had sex, and it’s just an adventure, right? That’s what you told me that first night. For me to do something crazy and impulsive, and well… I did. And we’re still doing it, and I’m not sure what this is now.”
God… she’s adorable and pathetic at the same time, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just that Emma can’t quite seem to understand that she’s very intriguing just as she is, and any guy would be amazingly lucky to have a crack at her. She also seems to forget… I’m just a dude too. I write and play rock music for a living, but that’s not all there is to me.
“So, you know Midge has never been married, right?” I tell her in an abrupt change of subject, but to something that is ultimately relevant.
She blinks at me in surprise and slowly says, “I think I heard that.”
“Sad, really,” I say with a nod. “She was in love with the founding partner of Knight & Payne and they had a passionate affair, but he was married and wouldn’t leave his wife. When he died, she never again found love.”
Emma’s eyes soften. “That’s so sad.”
“Totally sad,” I agree with her. “And I grew up spending a great deal of time with Midge. Weekends, summers, and holidays when my parents were traveling. I got an up close and personal view of what a woman looks like who has the capacity to love but doesn’t have what she wants.”
Emma doesn’t say anything, but she looks completely lost. So I enlighten her.
“You remind me of Midge. Granted, you don’t have the sad tale of a doomed affair—at least I don’t think you do from what I know—but you’re a woman who’s actually built for a wild and passionate relationship. You’re about as genuine as it gets, and I’m not quite sure why you could even doubt that I would be interested in that. Why you don’t think I deserve that?”
“Evan—”
“I’ve watched Midge pine after a man who was dead my entire life, because she was afraid to take another risk,” I continue. “And I think it’s because she honestly didn’t think she was worth anything more. She wasn’t good enough for the man she loved to leave his wife. So she buried herself in her work and behind books and behind a closed office door to become a virtual recluse—and you know I’m right about that—because she didn’t want to take the risk again. She was a very lonely woman.”
“But she—”
“So when I told you to take a risk and do something daring and impulsive,” I say, coming to my conclusion. “It wasn’t just so I could fuck you. That was going to happen one way or the other. But it was so that you would open yourself up entirely to something you probably deserve and would never have the guts to reach out for.”
Emma stares at me a moment, her face inscrutable. I wait for her to process, and for her to understand, that this isn’t just sex to me.
She lowers her eyes to her wineglass, perhaps contemplates another sip, but then gives a cough to her throat and looks back to me. “You said you think I deserve something,” she says hesitantly. “But I don’t have the guts to reach for it.”
“That’s right.”
“And that something would be you?” she asks for clarification.
“I’m a fucking phenomenal catch,” I tell her with a grin.
“And this is more than just sex to you?” she adds on, because she’s still not quite ready to believe.
“Not going to lie,” I tell her with a wink. “The sex is beyond amazing. But yeah… it’s a bit more than that for me.”
Emma takes a deep breath and when she lets it out, she smiles at me. “Okay, then. I’ll reach for it.”
“That would be me you’re reaching for, right?” I tease her, but my lungs sort of seize up as I realize just how important her answer is.
“It would be you,” she says with a laugh, and suddenly, I can breathe easy again.
CHAPTER 18
Emma
I stand in a corner and assume a wallflower position. I force myself to sip patiently at my wine rather than gulp it down for fortification because while I’m starting to get the hang of really high heels, I’m not the best at them and I’m pretty sure I can’t manage them if I’m drunk.