Just like me.
“Evan,” I ask hesitantly, needing to have some security despite very much enjoying the adventure. “What is this going on between us?”
His hold on me loosens as he comes up on one elbow to hover over me. His eyes are serious. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… I’m still your attorney, and you’re still sort of my boss.” I try to explain my misgivings. “This is really pretty unethical what I’m doing, and I need to know what your expectations are?”
“Expectations?” he asks, and I might add, a little thickly.
“Yes,” I say exasperated. “Like is this part of my job for you? Or was this a one-night-only type of thing? Or were you just imparting a little lesson to matronly little Emma?”
Evan blinks at me in surprise. “This is about me wanting you. And you clearly want me. How do you not see that?”
“Okay, fine.” I blow out a gust of frustrated air. “We want each other. But… is this just like for sex? To get off on each other?”
“Is that wrong?” he throws back at me.
“Yes,” I exclaim, and then immediately know that’s not quite true. “No. I mean… I don’t know. I’ve never had sex like that before, and I’m a little off balance, okay?”
He tilts his head at me and gives me a sly grin. “You mean you never had such dirty, unadulterated sex before? Never came so many times? Never had a man eat you out like that?”
Well, yes to all of that. But that’s not what I mean.
“I’ve never had sex with someone without having very deep feelings. I’ve never had hook-up sex. I’ve never done one-night stands. You’re a professional at this, and I’m an amateur. I just don’t know what any of this means.”
The cocky grin slides off his face and he brings a hand to my jaw. His fingers slide slowly down my neck, over my collarbone. He slides them down the center of my chest, over my belly, and right down between my legs, which part in complete obedience to him. Evan drags his fingers through my lips, which feel wet and swollen with need even though I just had an amazing orgasm not long ago.
“This,” he says softly as he flicks my clit with his fingertip. “This isn’t just hook-up sex. And it’s not a one-night stand as I expect you back in this bed tonight after the show. I have no clue what this is either, Emma, but I know I like this a whole fuck of a lot, and I’m not about to give it up.”
“Do you even like me?” I ask him bluntly, despite the fact he’s got a finger resting against me that’s a bit disconcerting.
“Do I like you?” he asks in surprise.
“Well, yeah… I mean, I like you,” I tell him as honestly as I can. “I can’t have sex with someone I don’t have some feelings for, but I think maybe guys are a bit different. You didn’t even remember that girl’s name you had sex with the night Keith was killed. So I’m just trying to establish some expectations… or maybe some boundaries.”
Evan stares at me for what seems like an eternity, his face completely blank. Then his eyes crinkle and he smiles at me. Leaning down, he kisses my lips and says, “God, you’re utterly fucking adorable. And yes, Emma… I like you. And I could never forget your name. You’re absolutely unforgettable.”
Pleasure such as I’ve never known wells up inside of me as I realize… I’ve thought of myself as unforgettable. Time and time again, I don’t think I ever felt that I was worth notice.
Maybe that’s why I make myself not worthy of notice.
It’s just easier than being let down.
CHAPTER 15
Evan
Four lines into my song Near Silence, and I’m settled.
At peace.
Completely in tune with myself and the crowd as they sing along with me.
Five minutes ago, before I walked out onto this stage for my second Miami concert, I was a bundle of writhing, screaming nerves. Felt like I was going to puke. Had to remind myself over and over again while looking into the mirror that I could actually sing. I had such an exquisite case of stage fright for a few moments, I almost walked out of my dressing room and instead of turning left for the stage, wanted to turn right and walk the hell out.
Get in a cab.
Go to the airport.
Fly back home to Raleigh.
But I’m okay now. It truly only took the first line of the song for my nerves to be soothed and through to the fourth line for me to know that part of my home will always be on a stage. I have to wonder if I will always go through those moments of hell before a show, or if it will get better. Maybe I’ll ask someone who’s been in the business a lot longer than I have at the record label parties when we get to L.A.
It doesn’t matter though right now. I’m singing from my heart, and the music from my guitar and my back-up musicians is flowing to near perfection. I feel it through to the soles of my feet that tonight will be another epic experience.