She pretended to be outraged, despite knowing it was the truth. Her parents said she was too stubborn for her own good, her sisters said she argued too much, and Geoffrey… He’d put her to her knees and whipped her bottom to bend her will and force her to submit to him, body and mind. Bowing to a dominant husband had been rather exciting, so if Geoffrey had stopped at light trails of the whip ends across her bare body she’d have been tantalized and aroused, but his tastes had been extreme and their nighttime interludes had ended with tears and pain and the embarrassment of inventing explanations for the blood on her clothes when they stuck to the raw slashes across her back the next day.
Money had sealed the lips of her maid, but she couldn’t bribe all the servants without exposing herself and the truth about her marriage. Servants gossiped, and she feared that her parents would learn how she’d been subdued by her husband, though intervening would have been illegal because the law stated that a husband could beat his wife, within limits. Geoffrey had stretched those limits and investigators had visited her house and asked her questions, but by then it was too late. Her sadistic husband was dead. She only hoped that the murderer of the two prostitutes would be caught before he killed again.
She smiled. ‘No, I’m not normally biddable, but if you take me upstairs I’ll submit to you. Do whatever you like with me while in this house, and tomorrow we’ll pretend it never happened.’
‘Doing whatever I want with you, Lillian, would change our relationship forever. We could never go back to being good neighbors who shared their news. If I have you once, I’ll want more. I know that. Have known it for a long time, which is why I’ve trained myself to keep a respectable distance between us. As it is, I knew you were in attendance this evening because I recognized your perfume. I was aroused before I ever found you, the way I always am when you’re around.’
She gasped. ‘Why have you not said something?’
‘Because being able to discuss things with you, estate matters, politics, our peers, has kept me sane. My family believes that my daughter occupies all my thoughts, and time, but they’re wrong. You’ve occupied my thoughts far more than they know.’
Her chest felt tight and her breathing strained. ‘What sort of thoughts have you had about me?’
‘Sexual ones. Very erotic. Are you shocked?’ She shook her head, unable to reply. ‘I’d like to take you upstairs to a bedchamber and show you how much I need you, and for more than friendship. But…’
‘But what? We both want the same thing, so what’s holding you back?’
‘Being intimate often begets certain expectations for women.’
She frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’
He let out a ragged breath. ‘I’m not making my self clear, I know. I’ve vowed to never marry for love again, to never risk the devastation that often comes with that emotion, especially if one partner loves and the other doesn’t.’
‘You’re remembering your wife, but I’m nothing like her. I may be a little strong willed--’
‘A little?’ He laughed.
‘Very well. Somewhat strong willed, but I was never unfaithful to my husband, and I would never shame my marriage vows by having an affair.’
He tangled his fingers in her hair and brought her face close to his. ‘I know, and that’s the problem. If we’re intimate, you’ll expect more from me than I might be able to give in return. You’re the warmest and most giving person I know, and you deserve to loved in return. You deserve more than my respect and admiration.’
She shook her head. ‘You already treat me far better than Geoffrey ever did, and that means a lot to me. So we’ll speak no more of poetic love and we’ll give our bodies to each other as freely as the courtesans do with their protectors.’
‘Doing that demeans your life, your station as a lady.’
She smiled. ‘Not if it’s what I want, what I need.’ She ran her hands up and down his arms, squeezing his muscled forearms and making him groan. ‘I’m desperate to see you unclothed. To touch and explore you.’
Brent groaned again. Lillian and the warmth she radiated always charmed him, but in this setting where they were free to explore their desires, his resistance crumbled. Despite knowing that keeping Lillian at arm’s length would be impossible if they shared this one fantasy-fulfilling night, he’d used up all his half-hearted arguments regarding them walking up that staircase together. If her family discovered that he’d taken her to bed instead of tossing her over his shoulder and taking her home, they’d shoot him anyway. Yet, he found her impossible to resist.
She took his hand and started towards the steps and he followed like an obedient dog. Two hours ago he’d been protesting about attending this ball, yet now he wanted to scoop Lillian into his arms and run up the stairs so she couldn’t change her mind. For the next few hours, she was his and he intended enjoying every moment she was in his arms.
Guilt would come tomorrow, though not regret. No matter what happened here, he could never regret hearing that she thought him handsome, when he’d thought she’d never viewed him as more than a friendly neighbor. And when she’d said she wanted to see him unclothed, his trousers had tightened over his swelling groin and he could only think of releasing her breasts and worshipping them as he’d longed to do. Of revealing her curves to his gaze and being able to touch her soft skin.