‘I’m sorry, Lillian. So, so, sorry.’
‘Oh, don’t pity me over that. Thankfully, his companions had collapsed in drunken stupors in the entranceway and couldn’t remember the bet in the morning. Neither could Geoffrey. Being naked and kneeling was rather exciting actually. It was the other part that I loathed.’
Brent’s face paled. ‘Wha…what other part?’
When he stumbled over the question, she was reminded that he’d been her friend for most of their lives, and even though he hadn’t come to rescue, as she’d dreamed many times, he’d be furious on her behalf if she disclosed everything. Many times she’d wanted to share some of her hurt and shame with him, knowing that he’d understand and give comfort where he could, but she’d not wanted him to look upon her with revulsion. Not wanted him to know that she’d failed to give her husband what he preferred in the bedroom, and failed her parents by not giving them grandchildren.
She sucked in a breath. ‘Even when he brought his hand down on my back and bottom, hard, I was intrigued rather than repulsed. I became excited at first, but then the pain always became too great and I screamed and cried, which angered Gregory. He told me, repeatedly, that other wives bore their punishment with good grace and made their husbands proud, whereas I yelled and sobbed and reminded him of a baby, and he didn’t want to create a child with someone with such a pathetic nature. He wanted his children to be born from strength, not weakness.’
‘I knew that Geoffrey’s crowd sometimes chose women who liked a little rough treatment, but I never imagined he’d dishonor his marriage vows, and his wife, by causing her pain. Was nothing he did pleasurable for you?’
She shrugged. ‘As I said, he cared little for me and what I needed. Two weeks before he died, he dragged me out of bed and pushed me to the floor on my stomach, with all his weight pressed on my back as he pushed himself inside me. I cried because it hurt and when he noticed the blood, he insisted it was normal part of marriage and that I was abnormal because I bled.’
‘Christ Almighty, he took you like an animal.’ He gripped his head in his hands, his face contorted in agony. ‘I’d no idea it was so bad. Did you tell him that he hurt you?’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘Yet he showed no remorse?’
She nodded again. ‘At times he became obsessed with planting his seed in me so that I would conceive, though only at his family’s urging. So after I had my courses, he’d visit me.’
‘What about the bleeding? Did he summon a doctor?’
‘No. He didn’t want anyone to know.’
‘I’m not surprised, considering he brutalized you.’
‘I was Geoffrey’s wife, so as he said, he could do whatever pleased him.’
‘Huh, so he practically raped his wife, used you as brood mare each month, and enjoyed doing so. A man whose preferences were depraved and should never have been brought home to the marriage bed. Even some brothels forbid entry to men who harm their girls.’
‘Brent, I was his wife.’ She shrugged. ‘His chattel.’
He shucked in an audible breath. ‘Taking a woman from behind can be pleasurable for both parties. But forcing a woman, wife or not, to accept him forcibly, against her will, is rape. Wife or not. He didn’t deserve a wife like you.’
Lillian smiled at Brent’s vehemence on her behalf. ‘It’s over now, my friend, so don’t feel enraged on my behalf. Be pleased for me because I’m now free to enjoy some of the pleasurable things that men do with women. I’ve listened to women who crave amorous attention from their husbands, or lovers, so I understand that what happened in my marital bed wasn’t normal.’ She ran her gloved hand down his cheek, hoping to elicit a smile. ‘I have tonight, and many more nights, to make up for what I missed.’
‘But this isn’t the right place for you to test the waters.’ He waved a hand towards the ball room and the noise from a hundred animated conversations. ‘One day soon, you’ll meet a man who loves you, and who wants to marry you and adore you. Let him teach you about pleasure. Anything you see, or hear, tonight will also be leaning towards perversion. Some things here will shock you, even if you think of yourself as experienced.’ He took her hand and lightly shook it. ‘Let me call Michael’s carriage to take you home. Or find your companion and insist that she leaves with you.’
She laughed softly. ‘You’ll never convince her to leave early. She’s attended a party like this once before, and was enthralled. Neither of us knew that women could enjoy being with a man, but she discovered that here and she wants to flirt and have fun, and if it leads to something more, then so be it. We’re ready.’
‘What can I say to convince you to leave, now, before masks are removed and identities revealed. You’ll be shocked to find how many gentlemen of your acquaintance are here tonight.’