My stomach growled. I escaped into the kitchen to see if we had any food left and almost collided with Alison, who sat near the back door pulling on shoes. “Mom gave me money. She said we should get lunch at Mister Donut before we leave.”
I twisted my belt so it sat in the right place. “You’re talking to me again?”
I could hear Mom in the hallway now, explaining something to one of the movers. Alison stood up. “Captain’s orders.”
Jamie had left his red sunglasses in my room, so I wore them on the way to the station. My sister eyed me suspiciously.
“You’re smiling a lot,” she said. “Did you knock your head on something?”
“The other day you thought something was wrong because I was sad,” I pointed out. “Now you think something’s wrong because I’m happy.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Your face is warped with a new and unique emotion every time I see you.”
Mister Donut was a donut shop in Yoyogi-Uehara Station. I waited in line with Alison, overwhelmed by how familiar everything was. The glass cases of donuts and the cheerful yellow decor and the rumble of the trains overhead. I used to hang out here with Mika and David on boring Sunday afternoons. We’d sit at a table in the back, and they’d laugh and tease each other for hours, maybe flirt with each other, now that I really thought about it… .
“Hello?” Alison snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Are you ordering or what?”
Alison and I ordered two donuts each. She got black coffee, and I got a creamy latte and dumped three sugar syrups into it.
“Blech,” Alison said when we were sitting down. “This coffee tastes like garbage.”
“But they give you free refills.” I gestured at the employees in bright yellow shirts who walked briskly between tables, topping off everyone’s cups. I ripped my pink frosted donut into halves and then fourths. I wished I hadn’t let myself think about Mika and David. Now I was obsessing over how much I missed them. How I would never karaoke with them again or go to purikura booths after school or text them nonstop when I stayed home sick.
I sipped my creamy coffee and tried to concentrate on Jamie instead.
Alison stared at me. “So. You’re still pissed at me, right?”
“Nope.” Since I wasn’t wearing my watch, I reached for my cell to check the time. But I didn’t have it anymore. Mom was taking it to the Docomo store to cancel my contract.
Alison took a bite of her jam donut and chewed. “But you were pissed at me. At Tokyo Tower. You were royally pissed at me.”
“I’m not pissed at you.” It must have been almost three. Which meant I needed to hurry. I needed to get to Shibuya so I could meet Jamie. So I could hear his voice and touch his skin. Because when I did, I didn’t feel like everything was ending. I didn’t feel the future dragging me toward something I couldn’t control.
Alison leaned over the table, and a curtain of dark hair dangled near my latte. “Where did you go that night? After Tokyo Tower?”
I sighed. “Mom told you. I was with Mika.”
“No,” she said, “you weren’t.”
“Yes,” I said. “I was.”
Alison frowned. Deeply. “I heard you and Mika in the kitchen yesterday. You guys didn’t sound like you’d just had a fun little slumber party together.”
I felt a rush of annoyance. “You were listening to us?”
“God, Sophia. Have you been to our house? I can hear when you freaking breathe.”
I thought about last night and about Jamie, which made my face blaze all the way up to my forehead. “Look,” I said. “It’s nice that you care. Weird, too, I guess, but nice. Do me one favor, though. In the future, if you find yourself worrying that I’ve locked myself in a public bathroom for the rest of my life or something, call me. Don’t wake Mom up in the middle of the night. Don’t panic her.”
Alison sat back and made a tsk sound. “You’re not an adult yet. You were acting crazy, and Mom should know when you’re acting crazy.”
“Well, she does know,” I said. “And that’s why I’m moving to Paris.”
“Wait… what did you just say?”
“Yeah. Mom called Dad, and they said I can live in Paris this year. If I want to.”
Alison didn’t seem fazed. “But you’re not going.”
“You actually have zero say in this. Zero.”
“You’re not going,” Alison said. “What the hell, Sophia? You’re not seriously considering this?”
I shoved two large hunks of pink donut into my mouth. “I have considered it.” I swallowed. “Seriously.”
“Sophia,” she said, angry now. Angrier. “You can’t do that. You can’t leave Mom alone.”
“Why not? She already said I should go.”
“Fuck!” Alison slammed her hand on the yellow tray, making me jump. “Are you kidding me? She’s our mother. You can’t abandon her. Not for someone who walked out on us because he was too French or we weren’t French enough or whatever bullshit reason he had for doing it.”
“He didn’t…” I shook my head. “He was young. And I know he used to be unreliable, but he’s not like that anymore. He has a family now.”
“Yeah, the family he wants. A real family.”
“Stop saying stuff like that!” I shouted and then lowered my voice. “Just stop talking about us like we can be replaced.”
“Fine.” Alison jabbed the air with her finger. “Then why don’t you go to Paris? Why don’t you go find out how reliable he is? Part of me really wants to watch this whole goddamned scenario go down in flames, to be honest.”
I bristled. “Why do you always get so bitchy about this? The last time I almost went—”
“He didn’t want you there! Don’t you get that? He’s the one who decided it wouldn’t work. He’s the one who said you shouldn’t go. Mom didn’t tell you, because she thought it would wreck you.”