“I said you’re an idiot. It’s one thing for you to cut yourself off from town, and another to hold your family at arm’s length, but why push Elise away? You do realize what a gem you have there, right? She’s beautiful and kind and sweet and giving. Meanwhile, you’re shutting her out of your life like a cutting horse keeping a calf out of the herd.”
“Of course I know what a gem she is. I married her, didn’t I?” Grabbing a currycomb, he started in on the colt, his movements brisk. Who did Austin think he was, barging in here and poking his nose in where it didn’t belong?
Austin waited, a favorite tactic of his. Well, it wouldn’t work this time. Bowie wasn’t about to spill his guts to his brother and admit what a failure he was.
“I married her so I could get my inheritance. We have a paper marriage, not a real one. A marriage of convenience.” The words were out before he could stop them. Great. It had worked. Even when he knew what Austin was doing, he still fell for it. Yet, it felt good to unburden to someone.
“You mean you’ve never …?” Austin stopped, his eyes wide. “No wonder you’re so surly.”
“I’m not surly,” Bowie snapped. “The whole thing has been a colossal mistake. I should’ve just gotten on my horse and kept on riding when Pa came up with this stupid plan. I should’ve known I couldn’t be a good husband, not even on paper. If I had an ounce of sense, I’d head to town right now and have Harley Burton start work on annulment papers before I ruin Elise’s life forever.” He threw the currycomb into the box with force. “Nobody could be happy married to a freak like me.”
“Don’t you think ten years and more is enough time to feel sorry for yourself?” Austin reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a toothpick, jamming it into the corner of his mouth, his expression bland.
“What are you talking about?” Bowie slipped the halter off the colt and vaulted over the fence. He planted his hands on his hips. He hated it when Austin acted superior, like he knew everything.
“So you were wounded. So you have some scars. So what? I’d wager Elise doesn’t even see them when she looks at you. I got shot, too, if you’ll remember, and I have some nasty scars, but Rebekah doesn’t care. She says they are marks of courage, not cowardice. So you were captured and spent time in a Yankee prison. Big deal. You weren’t the only one in Elmira, were you? Were all those men failures? It’s beyond time that you got over yourself. You’ve held on to your bitterness for too long, and you’ve made it an excuse to push people away.” Austin shifted the toothpick in his mouth, staring at Bowie, his face hard, but not without compassion. “We love you, Bowie. You’re our brother and the equal of any of us, and that’s a fact, scars and surly disposition and all. Elise loves you, too, and it’s tearing her apart.”
A tremor went through Bowie, and it felt as if someone was scouring out his lungs with sandpaper. “You think she loves me?”
“Even a one-eyed man should be able to see that. She lights right up when you come into the room, and when she talks about you, I feel as if we should all bow before your royal highness. And don’t even pretend that you don’t love her. You care about her so much it’s eating you alive. You want her so bad, it’s like you’re running a fever. She’s the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of before you go to sleep, and pretty much everything you think about in between. You’d do about anything to see her smile. And you’re scared stiff that she doesn’t feel the same about you.”
Bowie sagged against the corral fence. “How do you know all this?”
Austin grinned. “Because I’m in love with my wife. I recognize the symptoms.”
“I do love Elise.” Saying it out loud terrified him worse than facing a Union charge. “But it’s too late. I’ve ruined things with her. She’ll never love me now, and it isn’t about the scars.” Bowie waved toward his face. “No, it’s because she’s found out the secret that I am an idiot.”
“That’s not a secret.” Austin clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ve known it for years. But, it’s time for you to decide what you really want. If it’s Elise, then you have to let go of the past. You’re going to have to drop the armor and let yourself be vulnerable. You’re going to have to trust Elise with your heart. If not, you’re relegating both of you to a miserable existence, and yes, you should start the annulment proceedings, because Elise deserves better. What you need to realize is that you do, too.”
Chapter Seven
Austin helped Rebekah with her coat before turning to assist Elise with her cloak. Elise thanked him, smoothing the polonaise of her gown.
“Annie was right, red suits you beautifully.” Rebekah checked her hair in the cloakroom mirror. Music drifted down from the ballroom on the third floor. Her own gown of ivory satin complemented her rose-petal complexion and brought out the blue in her eyes. Austin offered her his arm, grinning down at her with pride.
“I’ll be the envy of everyone at the party tonight with two such pretty ladies to escort.” He offered his other arm to Elise, who took it, wishing she was at home in her room.