“Why didn’t you stop taking the pill?” Boyz asked, but he didn’t speak with anger or pain. What Darcy had done in their marriage wasn’t compelling; what mattered was his marriage to Autumn, the possibility of Autumn carrying his own child.
Darcy was glad for that, glad she’d revealed her secret. “I’m not sure, Boyz. At first, I suppose, in the early months, I didn’t want to get pregnant until I sort of got my sea legs in your family. I wanted to be part of your family, but you are all so powerful, so convinced of your own importance, and so tangled together. I couldn’t find a way to get in. As time went on, I realized I didn’t love you, not really, and you didn’t really love me. We were young, we had dreams, but we were so different, you and I. We wanted such different things.”
“Okay. I guess I can understand. Although people do have babies when they aren’t prepared for them. Babies can come at inconvenient times.”
Darcy smiled at Boyz. “That’s true. They can also come at convenient times.”
“So you’re saying since I want a child, I should stay with Autumn and let her go through the pregnancy. There’s a chance the child is mine.”
“I’m not saying anything,” Darcy insisted. “Whatever you decide is for you and Autumn to discuss, and by the way, I believe it’s Autumn’s decision about going through with this pregnancy, not yours. Or not yours alone.”
“I know, feminist blah-blah-blah,” Boyz muttered.
Darcy watched her ex-husband struggling to come to terms with it all. “I suppose another option you have is to divorce Autumn. After all, she’s been unfaithful to you.”
Boyz’s face cleared. “I couldn’t do that, Darcy. I love Autumn.” All of a sudden, he looked strong and sure. “Darcy, thank you for telling me about your, um, secret. It helps me a lot to know that.”
“And no hard feelings?” Darcy asked.
He grinned. “I could have some very hard feelings if you’ll give me a minute.”
Darcy laughed. “Oh, for heaven sake. You’re ridiculous.” She couldn’t help but wonder what Boyz would do if she took him up on his offer. If she wrapped herself around him and kissed him…how would he respond if truly put to the test?
She’d never know, she decided, because truly, she didn’t care.
But she did care about someone else.
“Boyz, sometime before you go, I’d like to speak with you and Autumn about Willow. I would like to keep in touch with her. I’d love to have her come visit me, here on the island. Fall is gorgeous, and we’ve got the Cranberry Festival. And Willow is such a smart, wonderful girl….”
“Sure, fine,” Boyz said. “But no apartment in Boston, right?”
They smiled in shared understanding.
“Absolutely no apartment in Boston.”
Darcy walked him to the door.
At the threshold, he turned. “Goodbye, Darcy, and thanks.”
“Goodbye, Boyz.” She considered kissing his cheek. Decided against it.
After she’d closed the door and returned to her sofa and her one inch of wine, Darcy stared into space, trying to juggle her ideas into a sensible line. It was true, she had come to care about Willow and would enjoy having the girl visit now and then. But it was also true that if that happened, Darcy would have to be in touch with Boyz and Autumn, connected to them in a way she hadn’t foreseen. She wasn’t certain she wanted to be connected to them.
Boyz hadn’t mentioned the real estate business at all this summer. Darcy hoped that meant that whatever he’d found on Nantucket had deterred him from opening a branch of his family’s company on the island. She did not want Boyz or Autumn on this, her, island. They could have all the rest of the entire world, but this isolated territory out in the sea was hers.
And what else, what else did she claim as hers? The Nantucket Atheneum, because it was where she worked and where she felt at home. She felt sheltered by the library but also responsible for its well-being. This house of her grandmother’s, absolutely she claimed as hers. And what else? Well, Muffler.
But maybe other people, too. Definitely Jordan was hers, her best friend. She wished she could claim Nash, but she couldn’t, and she couldn’t think of him now. It hurt too much. As for Willow, Susan, and Mimi, they weren’t really hers at all. They would all leave soon. Darcy felt a pang of guilt. She had ignored her island friends, Beverly Maison and Beth and the women in the chorus…but of course they’d ignored her as well, overwhelmed with summer responsibilities. Labor Day was late this year, giving vacationers an extra week on the island. Once that week was over, those who remained on the island could take a deep breath and relax. They could find time to chat as they walked into town, they could run into people they knew in the grocery store, they could swim in the ocean and lie on the beach without braving the summer crowds.
Of course, as the season turned toward fall, a new set of tourists would still come to the island, and Darcy enjoyed this bunch, whom the islanders jokingly called “the newlyweds and the nearly deads.” These visitors would come without children, and they would leisurely stroll the streets and the beaches, taking time to appreciate the sun on the water, the glitter of the sea. Summer people in general cared much more about the fundraisers and galas where they could be the glitter themselves and schmooze with other, even more wealthy and high-profile people than themselves.
Two more weeks. Two more weeks, and summer would be over for this year.
22
For a few days after Boyz’s visit, Darcy remained hopeful. If Boyz could forgive Autumn her affair, surely Nash could forgive Darcy for one stupid little kiss with Clive. Nash would call. She was sure of it. Or he would come by her house. She had told him she loved him. Those words had to mean more to him than the sight of a brief kiss with another man.
She worked tirelessly at the library, as cheerful and helpful as Mary Poppins. By Thursday, though, her optimism sagged. But Melody was throwing a birthday party for her husband, Rick, Sunday night, a huge crazy bash at their enormous old house near Surfside Beach. Nash would be there, for sure, and if he hadn’t forgiven Darcy by then, she would maneuver him into a quiet corner and convince him to stop being so stubborn.
Sunday evening, Darcy was in the process of getting dressed, which meant trying on clothes, deciding they looked awful, tossing them on the bed, and trying on something else, when her cellphone rang.
“Darcy,” Jordan said, “have you left the house yet?”
“I’m almost ready,” Darcy stalled.
“What’s the holdup? I had to get Kiks fed and rocked to sleep, and I’m almost to Melody’s house. All you have to do is dress yourself.”
“Yes, well, that’s the problem,” Darcy said. “Nothing I have looks right.”
Jordan snorted. “Everything you have looks right! You’re only nervous about seeing Nash again. You want to look irresistibly sexy so he’ll fall at your feet and beg you to take him back.”