I know that he can sense my apprehension when that last piece of clothing joins the rest on the floor, because he slows down then, trailing soft kisses along the inside of my thigh. His kisses are traveling higher and soon his mouth will touch me where no other person has ever been. The thought terrifies me, but the want overpowers the fear, because I do want him. I want him so much.
“I’ve wanted to do this since the first moment I saw you on that beach,” he says, and when I look down, I know I’m wrong about the sight of his teeth around my panties being the sexiest sight I’d ever seen, because the sight of that beautiful face between my legs, exceeds that by far.
His eyes are fixed onto the center of me, and he lets out a shuddering breath.
“God, Jaz, you’re so damn beautiful, every part of you.”
I don’t get a chance to respond, because a split second later I feel his mouth on me and the world, hell the entire universe disappears, leaving only the feeling of his mouth licking and sucking at the most intimate part of me. His mouth moves with a hunger that brands me, claims me and I let him lay that claim, because I want every inch of me to belong to him and only him.
My back arches clean off the plush rug as his mouth closes on the throbbing bud at the center of me, and I feel like I’m coming out of my own skin. I feel his groan of approval vibrating through me and I can’t think past the feeling of his mouth on me, working me until I’m at a fever pitch, every inch of my skin burning.
When his finger thrusts inside me, I think I forget my own name and when his tongue slips inside me to replace it, I remember only his. I’m breathing it out over and over as the tension inside me mounts, until my body can’t contain it anymore.
I’m still crying out his name when his mouth covers mine, devouring the sound as my body shudders and shakes uncontrollably. He holds me through it, his tongue caressing mine in the same way that it had just been caressing the most intimate part of me, and I can taste myself on his tongue as I kiss him back with utter abandon.
I collapse in his arms and he drops delicate kisses along my jaw, down the side of my neck as I struggle to piece myself back together. But he’s there with me, holding me, and although it feels like I’ve just lost my own sanity, the feel of his warmth, of his solid arms around me, makes me feel safe.
Eventually, he carries me to my bed. The soft covers feel heavenly against my naked skin. But not as good as the feel of his arms around my waist as he pulls me against his side. I glance up at him and his expression looks like he’s just had his mind blown, but that doesn’t make sense because I’m the one who just lost my mind in all of these crazy sensations.
Something occurs to me then, and I suddenly feel awkward as hell. Because this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this, so I have no idea how to reciprocate.
“What about—”
But he doesn’t let me finish, cutting me off with a kiss deep enough to remind me what his mouth, his tongue felt like in other places.
“I wanted to touch you first, Jaz. Tonight is all about you,” he says when he breaks away.
Our gazes lock for a long moment, and I feel like I’m losing my grip on the universe again. Nothing exists outside this world that we’ve created.
I rest my hand on his chest then, my fingers touching the hard smoothness of his skin.
“Is it always like this?” I find myself asking. “I feel like I’m going to burst into flames every time I look at you,” I confess.
He smiles, but his eyes are serious, midnight blue and dark with emotion.
“No, baby. It’s never been like this for me before.”
He pulls me closer to him, his chin resting on top of my hair and I can feel him breathing me in.
“God, Jaz, what are you doing to me?” He lets out a shuddering breath and I want to ask him the same thing, because I feel like I can’t even think straight right now.
We lie like that for what seems like forever, but at the same time not long enough.
Then I feel his mouth curling into a smile against my hair, just as I’m about to drift off to sleep.
“I love it when you say my name, Jaz.”
Embarrassment floods me and I lift my arm to deliver a punch squarely to his rock hard gut. But he catches my fist in his hand and quick as a snake, he thrusts forward and shifts me onto my back again.
His lips crash onto mine and although I’ve only just pieced myself back together, I let him unravel me all over again.
26
When Monday morning comes, I find myself slipping out of my room soundlessly, not wanting to wake Raph. I leave for class much too early and it’s because where it really matters, I’m one hell of a coward.
The memory of Raph’s mouth on me, not just on my lips, but on every part of my body, is seared into my mind. The first time on the plush rug in front of the fireplace, the second time before we both finally succumb to sleep, once more in the middle of the night and again when we both woke up on Sunday morning.
Then there was the whole of Sunday when we spent the whole day in my bed. What started off as an innocent plan to watch movies all day, turned out to be not quite so innocent, with Raph making me cry out his damn name way too many times. I’d been dying to touch him, to make him lose his sanity in the same way that he had made me lose my mind, but he kept telling me he could wait, that it was all about me, although the way his body trembled and the naked pleasure in his eyes told me that he had enjoyed every minute of it as much as I had, if not more.
I flush as I remember the feel of those sensuous lips against the most intimate parts of me and the way I’d come apart against those lips, over and over again. I let out a groan of frustration as I make my way to campus, suddenly feeling like I need another cold shower.
But as undeniably pleasurable as each moment has been, it feels like all of it happened in some isolated world that we had created all for ourselves, a world where it didn’t matter who and what Raph was, a world where his throne and the duties and obligations that came with it, didn’t exist. But it’s back to reality now and in the cold light of day, I can’t ignore the questions, the doubts that I’ve kept at bay since Friday night when Raph spoke those words to me that seemed to steal away all sanity and reason.
I kick myself for letting any of this happen. I should’ve stayed away from Raph, I shouldn’t have accepted his truce or his offer to help me. That way, we would’ve stayed enemies, because things were so much simpler when I believed that we hated each other.
I should’ve stayed clear of him when he told me that he didn’t want me, that he couldn’t want me, that none of this could ever matter because apart from the not wanting me part, the rest of it is still true.
“What happened to you this weekend?” Dani asks, as we settle into first period, thankfully not a class that I share with Raph.
“I tried calling and I texted you a few times because you seemed kind of upset when you left the Fall Ball on Friday.”
I consider lying, but I decide against it, because Dani is my friend, the first one I’d made in this place and I want to confide in her.
“Oh, Dan,” I sigh. “So much has gone down since then.”