He laughs as his hand grabs right above my butt cheek. “Honey, I’ve known you my whole life. You were always untouchable though.”
I lift my head to find Zach glaring at me and my dance partner. I return the look briefly before giving my attention back to him. “Well, I’m not untouchable anymore.” I move my hand up his chest slowly.
His lips close in and brush against my cheek. “I see that.”
I turn my head so I can look back at the man who held that role for so long. He gazes down at Felicia, and then she grabs his neck and kisses him. I start to shake and drop my hands. “I don’t feel good. I’ll be back,” I explain and rush to the bathroom. I feel sick, but it’s not the booze.
I take a few minutes to collect myself. He was kissing her, but she’s his girlfriend. It’s irrational and completely insane to think I should care. I was married. I have two kids and clearly had a life after him. But I didn’t ever consider him having the same. My hands hold the sink as I try to get a freaking grip.
My mind goes to the way he stared at me. The way he kissed me. Zach is engrained so deep in my soul I don’t know how to expunge him. I don’t want him in there, because he doesn’t belong to me anymore.
I promise myself I won’t let myself acknowledge any of those feelings. This is just my loss and pain reflecting on the past. The sands of time have fallen and buried Zach and me. Now it’s up to me to find a new hourglass.
I close my eyes and step back, ready to live this new drunken life.
“Watch it.” I hear from behind me.
“Did I step on your foot? Poor thing.” I want to say sorry, but it’s Felicia, so I don’t. I couldn’t care less about hurting her right now. Plus, I’m not really certain that I’m speaking in coherent sentences.
Grace opens the door. “Pres! There you are!”
Felicia looks at her before returning to me. “Zach’ll rub it. He rubs all my pains away.” She shrugs. “I bet you remember how that feels. Or maybe you don’t.”
I go from annoyed to hostile in no time. “Fuck you.” I step toward her with my fists balled. “I’m pretty sure he’d much rather be rubbing me than you.”
Oh, my God. I actually said that.
By the sound of Grace’s gasp, I really did. She comes around behind me and tries to pull me away.
“That’s why he’s here with me?”
“Is that why he kissed me?” Keep it up, Presley. You’re on a roll. I want to punch myself. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t be letting her bother me. I need to leave and get sober. But for this one second, it feels so good. I’m not bottling anything up or thinking about anything. I’m letting it all out.
Grace yanks me harder toward the door. “Pres, let’s go dance.”
“He already told me.” She crosses her arms. “He told me how he felt nothing when it happened. It reaffirmed you’re his past.”
It hurts me in the depths of my soul where I’ve been hiding all my emotions. It was a stupid mistake that meant nothing. Maybe it was just old times. Maybe it was something else, but there is a small part of me that still loves him. And her saying that . . . cuts me deep.
“You’re a bitch,” Grace says over her shoulder as she pulls me out of the bathroom.
“I want another drink,” I say to Grace. She nods and rubs my back.
Zach is standing right outside the door when we exit. His eyes meet mine, and I’m sure he sees it. “Presley. Are you okay?” The sound of his voice soothes me, even though I don’t want it to. I look at him and remember the good things. The way Zach could make me feel so protected. His heart that he wore on his sleeve. His heart that was mine. I remember the nights he’d hold me in his arms, promising me we’d always be together. The way his lips felt against mine, and how I never wanted to lose that.
I close my eyes as a tear falls. I won’t let him see me though. “No.” I say the word as we walk away.
It’s honest.
It hurts.
But it’s the first real thing I’ve said to him.
Grace pulls me against her, and we move. The tears don’t stop. The alcohol has unleashed the things I’ve hidden. I plop into a chair with my head in my hands. “I’m so foolish,” I say as Grace rubs my arms.
“Go grab her some water, Grace. I’ll take her outside for some air.” Zach’s deep timbre is close to my ear.
I look up with blurry vision, but I know it’s him. I would be able to see him if I were blind.
“Let’s go outside. You don’t need eyes on you.” His hand extends, and I don’t hesitate. When our skin touches, my chest aches. I don’t want to feel anymore. Why can’t I close myself off? The confusion whips around in my head, tying me up and fusing me to him. Zach’s touch spurs a myriad of reactions.
Once we get out back, I rip my hand from his. “Why are you here? Why do you have to be here? Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“Why are you so hell-bent on pushing me away?”