Angie gasps. “I . . . I’m,” she struggles to speak.
I know I’ve hurt her, but it’s why we haven’t spoken. My anger turns to sadness as I decide to lay it all out for her. She didn’t do this to me and doesn’t deserve my hostility. “I’m sorry. He was your brother, which is why talking to you is so hard. I’m really angry, Ang. I mean, deep in my soul kind of anger.” A tear falls. “I’m not sad or longing for him anymore. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way,” I confess the feelings I keep bottled up.
“I’m sorry. You’re allowed to feel,” she says.
“It’s different for me now. And when I talk to you, I remember the life I had. The job I always wanted, the house I loved, the friends and PTA I had to leave.” She doesn’t say a word, but I can hear the hiccup through the line. “You remind me of him. You remind me of the happiness I once had. It hurts to talk to you, and it hurts to know that.”
“I’m angry too, Presley. I’ve lost everyone.” She’s sobbing now. “He tore a hole in my life too. I’m dealing with the same emotions. I just want you back here. I want my best friend and my sister back.”
The agony in her voice breaks me. Hurting her is the last thing I would ever want to do. “I wish it were different.”
“I wish a lot of things.”
We both sit quietly, coming down from the emotional outbursts and raw truths.
Angie clears her throat. “How’s Bell Buckle? Are you holding up okay?”
“It’s . . . the same.”
“How do the boys like it?”
I smile. “Surprisingly well after the shock wore off. They’re loving being around Cooper and Wyatt. Cayden has really taken to the horses. And you know Logan, he’s easy.” That’s the one thing I have to be most grateful for. They may have lost their father, but they’ve gained two male role models.
“Wyatt is on your ranch?”
Shit. “Yeah, he’s the foreman.”
I can imagine the wheels turning in her head. I give her five seconds before the next question comes.
Five.
Four.
“What about Zach? Is his stupid ass still in Los Angeles or wherever the fuck he left you to go?”
Angie is not a fan of Zach. She’d have castrated him if she could’ve back then. He has no clue about the mess I was in. But Angie does. She picked me up off the floor and forced me to live. “Zach’s here.”
“Well, I hope you kneed him, slapped him, or some other form of physical pain. It must’ve been great to let it out on him though.”
“Yup.”
I can’t tell her what I’m feeling. It feels like every part of my life is lying to the other. The tangled web is so immense—I don’t know where the beginning is anymore. The lies about how Todd died. The lies about how seeing Zach makes me feel. The lies about how badly I’m in debt. It’s suffocating me.
“I gotta run, Ang. I’ll call soon. I promise.”
“Okay,” she says with disappointment in her voice. “Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I disconnect the call and wipe my face. I’ve never kept secrets from her. I’ve never lied to her, but this isn’t something I can share. I don’t even know what it is anyway. I have old feelings. That’s normal. I mean Zach was my first love. He was my world for so long, of course seeing him would make me nostalgic. That’s all this is.
Of course my mother asks me to head into town to get her some things she needs for dinner. Apparently, she and Wyatt are in on the same plan. Push me off the ranch and force me to deal with living here. I was doing fine pretending otherwise.
I head to the general store, which is no bigger than a 7-11 but packs more items than a major chain grocery store. It baffles me.
I grab the things I need and head to the register. “Well,” Mrs. Rooney says as she looks up with a smile. “I was wondering when you were going to come see me.” She comes around and draws me in her arms. “Get over here and let me get a look at you.”
She hasn’t changed much. She’s still under five foot, her hair still hangs to her mid back, only now it has a lot more gray in it, but it’s her eyes that I remember most. She has the kindest eyes. One look and I instantly feel better.
“I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner,” I say, hugging her back.
Mrs. Rooney was the only one who didn’t try to hold me back. She was easily my favorite person in this town. I can remember coming in here as a kid and sitting on the stool and telling her everything. She was the kind of friend that you could bare your soul to and she’d never judge you. I feel guilty for not coming to see her before now.
She pulls back with a smile. “I understood why you’ve stayed in hiding, darlin’.”
“I’m not hiding,” I defend myself.
“No? What do you call a month of living here and only leaving your house a handful of times?”
“Adjusting.”