Say You Love Me

“I’m not sure.” She shook her long blond hair and looked at me with a tentative smile. “Are you asking me because you want to know about me and TJ or because you want to know about you and Cody?”

“You’re too smart.” I laughed at my best friend and leaned my head back on the red leather couch. I was surprised at how comfortable the seating was in the bar. I was used to cheap plastic and vinyl and this was a pleasant change. “Why can you always read my mind?”

“Because I am in your mind.” She handed me a bottle of water from her bag and sat next to me. “Plus I was in your shoes just a few months ago. Drink this while we wait for the boys to bring our drinks.”

“Water?”

“I know how you get when you drink too much.” She nodded. “We don’t need you telling Cody anything you’ll regret in the morning.”

“True,” I agreed and opened the bottle of water and took a sip. “I shouldn’t get drunk. I’ll either tell him I love him or that I hate him, and neither of those statements sound like a good idea.”

“Yeah, no.” Mila laughed and I watched as she rested her head back and smiled at me. She had such a look of contentment on her face and as I smiled back at her, I realized just how much I envied her, her peace of mind and happiness. And that made me feel horrible. I loved Mila, she was my best friend, I wanted nothing but the best for her, but seeing how happy she was with TJ sometimes made me feel like my own life was even more of a mess. I felt like I was living in daydreams. I wanted so much to be with Cody that every little smile he gave me meant something more than it did. I needed to get out of my head, but I just didn’t know how to do that.

“I know how hard it is, Sally.” Mila gave me a sympathetic smile and stared at me for a few seconds. “It’s such a mentally exhausting position to be in. I’ve been there.”

“Yeah, but now you’re engaged to Mr. Wonderful and I’m just here still wondering what I’m doing wrong with my life.” I sighed before taking a large gulp of water, wishing it were wine. “Am I wasting my time waiting around for Cody?”

“Is that what you’re doing?” Mila asked me softly. “Waiting around?” She looked at me hesitantly, her eyes soft as she looked into mine. She looked beautiful, but I always found that the glow of love gave you something makeup never could.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “It sounds stupid to say I’m waiting around on someone who might never love me. Might never want me. It sounds pitiful.”

“You’re not pitiful.” Mila grabbed my hands and squeezed them together. “You’re the man.”

“Only, I’m not a man.” I made a rueful smile at her and laughed. “I’m a woman. A woman desperately in love with a man who doesn’t even know I exist.”

“He knows you exist.” Mila laughed, but she stopped laughing within seconds as she surveyed my face. “Are you okay? And before you answer, let’s go to the bar and grab the bottle of wine that the bartender just gave the guys.”

“I’m fine.” I sighed a long, deep, dark sigh. “I’ll be fine,” I said and followed her back to the bar, trying to still the excitement in my heart as we neared Cody.

“We can always come up with a plan,” Mila said thoughtfully, her eyes sparkling as we walked. “I can’t say it will work, but maybe.”

“A plan?” I asked her curiously. “What sort of plan?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” She grinned at me and then lowered her voice. “Hold on, I’ll tell you more when we get back to the table.” She winked at me and we stopped next to the guys. “Hey, we’ll take the bottle now, thank you.” She grinned at TJ, who looked at her lovingly and I just stood there, avoiding eye contact with Cody.

“You girls don’t want to wait here at the bar with us?” Cody said teasingly and I looked over at him. His eyes were on me and I shook my head and smiled. He winked at me then, a slow teasing wink and I couldn’t stop my heart from fluttering. Why was he such a flirt?

“I think we’ll wait at the table for you guys,” I said finally. “We’d rather sit than stand, thank you very much.”

“You can sit on my lap if you want,” Cody said and winked again, and my mind went to all sorts of naughty places. “There’s a barstool.” He nodded at it and grinned at me.

“I think I could just sit on the stool directly as opposed to your lap,” I retorted, and he laughed.

“What fun would that be?” he said, and my face flushed as he continued to stare at me.

“I’m not sure either way would be fun,” I said, and he nodded with a sly smile.

“Touché.” He handed me two wine glasses and I looked over at Mila, who was staring at us curiously.

“You ready?” I asked her before she could tell Cody to stop playing with me.

“Yeah.” She nodded and I watched as TJ leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled up at him happily and then started walking towards our booth. I followed behind her and we stood next to the booth. I handed her the wine glasses as we stood there.