“You’re not ‘letting’ me do anything. I do as I please, just like you.” She crosses her arms over her chest.
I’m too tired to fight, and she’s right. I’m not above giving her credit. “You make your own choices and I make mine, but maybe we can still meet in the middle.”
“How?” Moving in front of me, she grips the front of my shirt. I can see desperation in her eyes. “Tell me how, Alexander, and I’ll try. I promise, but all I think about is Chad being shot and watching life leave his eyes right in front of me.” Tears roll down her cheeks while her fingers grip tighter. “Tell me how to get those memories out of my head. Every time you leave the manor, I worry you’re next. I see you in my nightmares—life leaving your eyes. What if you leave one night and don’t come back? What then, Alexander? Tell me how to meet you in the middle of our choices when I live with the fear of you never returning to me, and I’ll do it.”
One of her hands falls to her side before she tries to drag it to her head, her body swaying. “I’m not feeling wel—”
“Sara Jane?” She faints and I catch her, her weight pulling me down. Reaching down, I lift her into my arms. “Sara Jane?” I set her down on the couch. “Call 911.”
Jason rushes over, kneeling beside her as Cruise flicks on the lamp. Jason says, “No. We don’t need paramedics.” He takes her wrist and presses two fingers to her pulse. After a few seconds, he sets it back down. “She was in pain. This is her mind’s way of protecting her.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. That’s why women don’t remember the actual pain of childbirth. They remember the process, but the mind blocks out the physical pain they endured. Give her a few hours. Her pulse should remain steady, but if it spikes, call 911.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“I watched a lot of ER growing up.”
“Cruise, call 911.”
Jason stands. “No. I’m kidding, but she will be okay. I used to assist with emergencies on a boat I worked on.”
I eye him up. “For real?”
He nods. “Yeah. Let her get some rest.”
Picking her up, I hold her carefully and make my way down the hall to the bedroom. I lay her on the bed and take her shoes off. Cruise comes in as I tuck her in. I can hear Jason shuffling around the kitchen down the hall, and I look at Cruise. “How much can we trust him?”
Cruise shakes his head. “I don’t think we have a choice.”
“Fuck. That’s what I thought.”
16
Sara Jane
My eyelids flutter open then quickly close again. The dim light from the lamp is too bright for the dreamy state I wish I could remain in. I roll over and groan. For a few seconds, I was lucky enough not to remember the pain, or the past, or . . . I sigh. The present.
I open my eyes again and stare at the ceiling. Looking right and then left, panic sets in. Where am I? Checking the clock next to me, it reads 6:59. By how dark it is through the blinds covering the window in front of me, I assume it’s morning. It’s not the time or the darkness that holds my attention though. It’s the little plate with a stack of four Oreos and the glass of milk on the nightstand that calms me and fills my heart equally.
Alexander.
Smiling, I carefully climb out of bed, and when I open the door, I realize where I am. I pad softly down the hall to the living room and wonder where Alexander is.
“You’re a terrible patient. You know that?”
I know the voice and smile. Turning to the kitchen, Jason stands in a T-shirt and red and black checked flannel shirt, pulling an Oreo out of the package on the counter. “Why are you eating my Oreos?” I move to sit on a stool, the kitchen bar separating us.
Frowning, he analyzes the cookie. “You sure? They’re here for anyone to take.”
I reach for the package and dig one out. Pulling the cookie apart, I raise my eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure they’re for me, but you’re lucky I’m so nice and like to share.”
With a mouthful of cookie, he winks. “Yes, I am lucky you like to share. Your boyfriend doesn’t subscribe to the same philosophy.”
“Depends on what you’re asking him to share.” Glancing behind me for evidence of his presence, I ask, “Where is he anyway?”
“Out.”
Disappointment mingles with the earlier anger I felt. “That’s all I get.”
Leaning forward, his hands placed firmly between us on the marble, he whispers, “I’m not his keeper.”
“No, you’re just another link in his chain of command.” I struggle to hide my true feelings these days, so the frustration comes out stronger than I intend.
“Tell me how you really feel, Sara Jane.”
My eyes lift to meet his. “You called me Sara Jane.”
“It’s your name. Guess I should get used to it.”
“I guess.” A new disappointment coats my throat, remembering how much lighter things were with Eric. “Jason,” I say his name just to remind myself of it.
This time our eyes look into the other’s too long, though neither of us bothers to apologize or turn away.
The front door opens, and I turn to find Alexander walking in with a carrier of coffees and a box of what looks like donuts. His indigo eyes shine until he spots Jason. He glances from me to Jason and then to the Oreos between us. Ignoring Jason, he focuses on me. “Hey,” he says, “you’re up. How are you feeling?”
“Starved and wondering where you are at this hour?”
He sets the box in front of me on the bar. “I brought you breakfast. It’s from that place you love.”
I mentally kick myself for being upset moments earlier for him being gone when he is being so sweet. “That’s not close.”
“It’s okay. I know you love their donuts.” He pulls a coffee from the carrier and sets it down for me. “Mocha latte. It may be cold now.”
“It’s the thought that counts.” I roll my eyes because my emotions start getting the best of me. So embarrassing.
Alexander smiles and wipes the corners of my eyes. “Why are you crying?”
“They’re happy tears.” Looking at the box and coffee cup, I wrap my arms around his middle. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” His hands cover my back as he rubs gently.
“Breakfast in bed? Want to join me?”
“Yeah, you go ahead. I’ll be right in.”
“Okay.” I take my coffee and head back to the bedroom.