“My mood is fine. You can get a latte or anything else you want, but you can’t change destiny.”
“We don’t have to accept our fate either.”
To her back, I ask, “Or do we?”
She stops, her shoulders falling a bit before she leaves.
I’m not alone long enough for repercussions or regret to set in. Alexander walks in with a smile on his face. “Hey there. You’re awake?”
“I am.”
“I was hoping to be back before you woke up.”
He sits down next to the bed and holds my hand. I like the way he treats me as if nothing’s changed, as if we haven’t, when everything has. “Where’d you go?”
“Fresh air. No offense, but this hospital is stale and your parents aren’t the most welcoming.”
“I’ve noticed. I’m sorry.”
“It’s their problem not ours.”
I sigh. “I mean about earlier.”
“Don’t be.” He sits back in the chair. “You’ve been through a lot, baby.”
Tears form and I slowly move my arm to lift the front of my gown to my eyes. Just dabbing them hurts. I can only imagine what I look like. I’ve not been given a mirror and since I’m confined to the bed, I haven’t gotten to the bathroom. I look up at the ceiling. Two tiles over to the stained tile in the corner and five tiles to the window. It’s too sterile here, cold for my arms and my emotions equally. I want to be in bed with Alexander holding me. I want to see Shelly. “When will I be released?”
“Released?” He scoffs. “You do realize you just came out of surgery like, I don’t know, not even twenty-four hours ago, right?”
“I don’t want to stay here. Please.”
“What are you asking? You want me to bring some clothes and you walk out of here? You can’t walk, baby. You shouldn’t. Not yet.”
“Please, Alexander.”
“I can pay for the best care around, but if something goes wrong, you need to be here at the hospital. Anyway, I was told you’d be out of ICU tomorrow if everything continues to go well. A few days in the regular hospital wing and then I’ll take you home.”
Home?
“Where is home exactly?”
His voice is low with his head dipped down, his eyes on me, when he asks, “Where do you want it to be?”
The question throws me. He asks as if he doesn’t know me, doesn’t know I’m his home, like he’s mine. Looking at Alexander, at this broken soul before me, the answer is so clear. “I want to be with you.”
When I’m gifted with the smile I love so dearly, I wish I could kiss those lips for days. I whisper, “Marry me. For real.”
“I love you. You know that, right?” His hand finds mine again and his thumb runs over the top of my knuckles.
“I do. That’s why I want this with you.”
“No, Firefly. You don’t get to take that away from me.”
“I just want to be with you.”
“And I, you, but I’ve stolen everything of value of yours—your heart, your virginity, your kindness, your life. I won’t allow this, something so important to be treated as casually as the rest. Not now. Not ever.”
“I don’t care about the superficial stuff like elaborate weddings and all that. I just—”
“No.” His answer is curt. Firm and final.
“Everyone treats me like I’m a child, like I don’t know what’s best for me.”
“What’s best for you, Sara Jane? Tell me.”
“You. And apparently, you felt I was for you or why the elaborate lie about us?”
“Because you know they would have kept me out. I couldn’t bear it. I lied, and I would do it again because I’m sitting next to you, looking at your pretty face and hearing you tell me you love me when I didn’t know if I’d ever get the chance again.”
“You did get this chance again, so I want—”
“I want to be with you, too. In all ways. Please believe me. First, I want to make things right by you as well.”
Our gazes hold and though I’d love to stand my ground on this issue and marry him right now, I’ll respect what he wants. “What a fine mess we’re in.”
“They believe us.”
“But for how long, Alexander?”
“As long as we don’t confess.” Standing next to me, he comes even closer, bends down and kisses my forehead. “I’d do anything for you. You know that. I want to be with you. Let me have this. Let me propose when it’s right. It’s the only thing I have left to give that will wash my sins away.”
“My love can do that. Just let me give it to you.”
My hand is brought to his lips. “You’re my beautiful firefly. So delicate—”
“Not breakable. They tried to break me. They didn’t. I’m strong, babe. I can be what you need.”
“You say this as if we aren’t together, as if our destinies aren’t so entwined already that we haven’t become one for eternity.”
“I say this needing more right now, here on earth.”
“I’ll give you everything you need, baby. Just let me do it my way.”
His way. As much as things have changed, they still remain so much the same. If proposing to me is so important to him, I can give him this. I just want the happily ever after. “Okay. I’ll wait.”
“Thank you.” The tip of his finger traces along my collarbone and down my arm. “I have something to ask you, but I don’t want you upset. It can’t wait though.”
“Okay.” I brace myself, the muscles in my shoulders tensing.
“When you’re released from the hospital I want you to come stay at the manor.”
The manor. It’s a subject that makes my stomach hurt and my head spin. So many memories—good and bad—wrapped up in one location. When I was driving back, I knew what I was choosing when I decided to return to Alexander. It’s not my favorite place, but it’s where he is, so I’ll go. Taking a deep breath, I try to settle my nerves, and just when I’m about to answer him, a doctor walks in with my parents following. “Good to see you awake again. I have good news. We’re moving you out of ICU. Your numbers are good—blood pressure, heart rate—they have remained in the desired range. There seems to be no slowing down for you post-surgery.” He smiles. “You’ve improved at a tremendous rate.” He pulls out a penlight and instructs me to relax while he checks my eyes, shining the light inside. “Any drowsiness that feels abnormal other than from the medicine or post-surgery tiredness?”
“No, I’ve felt fine. I’ve actually not felt much at all, which I appreciate. I hate pain. I have such a low tolerance.”
Standing back and clicking the light off, he replies with a chuckle, “I could argue that. You’re doing well, but if you do have any pain, don’t hesitate to let me or one of the nurses know. You don’t show signs of a concussion, so we won’t need to schedule a scan.”