Unfortunately for me, the members of my family were in similar mischievous form.
“Well, would you look at Lady Muck herself,” Mam said the minute I walked into the sitting room, as she turned down the volume on the tv control, and gave me her full attention. “What happened, Aoife, love? Did your mattress finally spit you out?”
“Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes. “Very funny, but no, nothing so dramatic. I was studying.”
“With books?” Kev tossed out from his perch on the couch.
“Yes, Kev, with actual books,” I shot back, flopping down on the couch next to him. “Don’t act so surprised. I can open a book, you know.”
“Ah, but can you read the inscription inside?”
“Don’t ye be teasing my little pet,” Dad interjected, from the other side of the room, where he sat with Mam in their matching armchairs. “How are you, Aoife, love?”
“Daddy’s girl,” Kev fake coughed.
“I’m grand, dad,” I shot back with a smug grin. “How was work?”
“Ah, grand, love,” he replied, resting his slipper-clad feet on the coffee table. “Young Joey was in flying form this evening.”
I bet he was.
I grinned. “That’s nice.”
“Did you hear about our Aoife and Paul breaking up?” Kev interjected then, digging me in the thigh with his foot.
“What did I tell you about touching me with those hooves?” I snapped, batting his foot away with a cushion.
“I heard something about that alright,” Mam replied, no doubt having heard it from Katie’s mother next door. “A few weeks ago now, isn’t that right, Aoife?”
“Yep.”
“Really?” Dad’s eyes widened. “You never said anything, Aoife, love.”
“Oh, um, yeah,” I replied, huffing out a breath. “Well, there’s not much to say. It’s dead in the water.”
“For now,” Kev snickered.
“Forever,” I corrected, smacking him over the head with the cushion. “Asshole.”
“Ah, don’t you worry, pet,” Mam coaxed, setting down her knitting. “I’m sure he’s already planning on how to win you back as it stands.”
“He’d be flogging a dead horse,” I replied, narrowly avoiding a cushion to the head from my brother. “We’re done, Mam.”
“Sure they’ll be back together again in no time,” Dad said, turning to look at my mother for help. “They’re on and off like the weather, those two.”
“Not this time, I reckon,” Kev taunted. “I don’t think your darling Aoife is too upset about the breakup, either?” He winked knowingly as he climbed to his feet and wandered out of the room. “Isn’t that right, Aoife?”
“That’s right, Kevin,” I replied, glaring at his retreating back. “I couldn’t give a flying fu— “
“Fig,” Mam quickly interjected. “Couldn’t give a flying fig, Aoife.”
“One of those, too,” I shot back with a smirk. “He can go to hell.”
“Well good,” Dad said with a supportive nod. “He was a right little bollox, Trish, wasn’t he?”
Mam laughed. “He was a bit of one, alright, Tony.”
“A right uppity little fucker.”
“Sure what would you expect from a Garda superintendent’s son?”
“That’s true, love. To be honest, it used to stand the hair on the back of my neck when you’d bring him over to the house,” Dad admitted with a rueful expression. “I was afraid of my life that you would take him into the shed and expose me.”
“Ah, here now, Tony,” Mam chuckled. “I doubt the Gards would come knocking on the door over a few bottles of home-brewed Poitín.”
“You’d never know, love,” Dad mumbled. “You’d never know.”
“So, any new love interests, sister dearest?” Kev asked when he returned a moment later with a bowl of cereal. “Any short-tempered, would-be mechanics in your sights?”
“What’s that now?” Mam’s ears pricked up. “You’ve got a new boyfriend already?”
“Yes,” Kev mused. “She sure does, Mam.”
“No, I don’t,” I bit out, resisting the homicidal urge I had to throttle my brother. “Kev’s just being a little shit stirrer.”
“Oh, come on,” he laughed. “It’s so obvious.”
“What is?”
“Nothing,” I strangled out.
“Aoife and Joey.”
“Kevin!” I hissed, red-faced. Joey and I were trying to be discreet, and up until now, I thought we had been doing a great job. Apparently, nothing got past my brother, though.
Nosey fucker.
“Joey?” Dad’s eyes widened. “My Joey?”
“I think that you’ll find he’s more Aoife’s Joey than yours, Dad,” my brother sneered. “At least, that’s what I’ve heard at school.”
Oh, you are a dead man.
“Those rumors are a bunch of crap,” I choked out, lying through my teeth. “And you being my brother should know better than to believe them.”
“What rumors?” Both Mam and Dad asked in unison.
“There was a fight,” I blurted out of nowhere.
“A fight?” Dad’s frown matched my brother’s. “What fight?”
I looked to Kev to help me, but he came up with an empty shrug.
So much for twins being able to read each other’s mind.
My one was a dud.
Thinking on the spot, I quickly reeled off what I hoped was a generic, watered-down version of the truth. “It happened a while back. Remember that black eye I got after Christmas? Well, it didn’t happen from falling off Casey’s rollerblades like I told you guys.”
Mam rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”
“What happened to you?” Dad was quick to demand. “Did someone hit you?” His eyes narrowed. “Did Joey—“
“No, no, Jesus, no, Dad,” I quickly appeased. “Joey never laid a finger on me.” Well, none I didn’t beg him to. “Basically, Paul was saying a few shady things about me around the place.” Like slut. And whore. And cock tease. “And when Joey heard about it, he pulled him up on it.” Shrugging, I added, “For your benefit, apparently. You know, since I’m your daughter, and he has a lot of time for you ever since you took him on at the garage. That’s why Joey got arrested for fighting early in the new year. Remember?”
Dad nodded. “I do.”
“Yeah.” I blew out a shaky breath. “Well, anyway, I got the black eye from Paul when I tried to break up their fight. In his defense, it was an accident,” I begrudgingly admitted. “But once the rumor mill got wind of Joey sticking up for me, people started gossiping about us, putting two and two together and coming up with five.” I let out a breath. “Yep, that pretty much sums it all up.”
Kev snorted and then quickly buried the sound with a cough when I gave him a look that threatened violence. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
Dad stared at me for a long moment before exhaling heavily. “Well, I hope Joey gave that bollox a good stuffing.”
“What was he saying about you, love?” Mam asked, concern etched on her face. “Would you like me to phone his mother, because I will. I’ll give her a good piece of my mind—“
“No, Mam, it’s grand,” I hurried to say. “Paul was just salty because I wouldn’t, well…” I shrugged, “Because I wouldn’t…”
“Have sex with him,” Kev offered dryly. “He was pissed because Aoife wouldn’t have sex with him after four years of stringing him along and treating him like an afterthought.”
“I didn’t string him along,” I snapped. “And it was three and a half years, not four.”
Kev cocked a brow. “Sure you didn’t.”
“Fine,” I reluctantly conceded. “Maybe there is a teeny tiny bit of truth to that statement, but that doesn’t mean that I have to—“