As if summoned from the depths of my mind, I hear, “King is here.” His preferred name these days drifts across the large table, bringing me back to the present. I look up at Shelly when I hear his name. She signals to the side before returning her eyes to the book in front of her. When I see him, I smile. It’s an automatic response to the man I’ve loved for the last three years, maybe my whole life. I excuse myself from the table. The weight of my project partners’ stares traverse along with me as I head to meet him.
It’s not unusual to see other college girls wanting him. Propositioning him. Even when I doubt why he wants me, he greets me with a grin that can get me to do anything. “Hey, Firefly.” His deep voice hums with sexual implications for later.
A profound satisfaction is awakened, filling my veins. Our attraction to each other never falters. “Hi—”
My greeting is inhaled by a kiss. With his arms still around my waist, holding me tight, he leans back and asks, “Still mad?” Yes. No.
Two answers. Each with a different outcome.
If I say yes, we’ll drag this morning’s incident into a bigger deal than it is. If I say no, he wins. Although it’s not about winning or losing, but understanding what I’m feeling, I don’t like to fight with him, so I stay neutral. “Sort of.”
He always did like a challenge. “Come with me.” Taking my hand, he leads me to the human anatomy aisle and down to where it dead-ends. The aisle is empty, and I’m starting to get the feeling that I hope it remains that way. My back is pressed against the wall and he leans in, his hand above my head. Looking down on me, the creases around his eyes soften. A hand goes to my cheek, his palm warm. “Do you trust me?”
“You know I do.”
“I want to hear you say it, Sara Jane.”
The lightness of his mood moments earlier is gone. Time spent with his father tends to do that to him. I tend to do that to him, a deep-seated fear of losing me makes him edgy. It does the same to me, but I’m better at hiding it. “What’s wrong?”
His body is tense, his answer defensive, “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Then why are you asking me if I trust you?”
“I just want to hear you say it. Indulge me.”
I give him what he wants like I always do. “I trust you, Alexander.”
His smile reappears and he kisses me in reward. “I trust you, too.”
“I hope so,” I tease.
He doesn’t laugh. “I trust you with my life.”
I shift under the weight of his gaze. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I just want you to know that I’ve shared more of me with you than anyone else.”
This time, I reach up, and touch his cheek. “I know, and that means a lot to me.”
A whisper works its way through the books. “Sara Jane, the group is getting antsy waiting on you.” Shelly.
“I’ll be right there.” My eyes never leave Alexander’s—partly due to how mesmerizing his always are. His need for me right now is the other reason. He’s right. I know him better than myself these days. “What happened today?”
“Nothing. They’re waiting on you.”
“Since when did you care if we keep anyone waiting?”
“I don’t, but I know you do. Go. We’ll talk later.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.” The charming smile that wins everyone over comes out to play. “You’ll always be my girl.”
Lifting up on my toes, I kiss him, but before I drop back down, I say, “I’ll always be your girl.” I slip out from under his arm and head backward, down the aisle. When he turns to watch me, I raise an eyebrow, and point at him. “And you’ll always be my guy.” I blow him a kiss, turn, and hurry around the bookcases back to the group.
When I sit down, I apologize and we start discussing our assignment. Every few moments, I glance toward where I left Alexander, waiting for him to walk by. I miss the possible wave or smile, though. It’s unsettling how easily he disappears, at times.
Maya leans over, and whispers, “That guy is really cute.”
My eyes meet Shelly’s, but she looks down quickly. I smile, but my shoulders move back defensively. I know how girls work. “Yeah, he is.”
My clipped tone doesn’t deter her, and since our other project partners—Cal and Ryan—aren’t paying attention, she continues. “How long have you been dating?”
While looking back at me, Shelly rests her chin on her palm, leans forward on her elbow, and cuts in, “King was her first boyfriend. Her first kiss. Her first everything.” Her tone is dreamy, wistful. She’s always been supportive of my relationship with Alexander, even when she probably shouldn’t have been . . .
“Hole. E. Crap. Who. Is. That?” Shelly surprises me when she sounds out the words so dramatically.
“What?”
“That.”
Looking across the school parking lot, Alexander leans against his bike. Waiting. I dreamed about him last night, and every night since I met him last week. “I know him,” I reply, and I have questions. I start in his direction, but my best friend Shelly tugs me back by the shirtsleeve. “What do you mean, you know him?” Her wide eyes dart between Alexander and me. “How do you know him?”
“If you promise not to say anything, I’ll tell you later.”
“I need to know now, SJ.”
“Later. Okay?”
“Fine.” She zips her lips and tosses the imaginary key over her shoulder. Alexander’s friend is with him again, looking as annoyed as ever. Maybe Shelly will interest him long enough to give Alexander and me enough time to talk. I stop, keeping some distance between us. Our eyes steady on each other. My heartbeats sound in my ears as I center my thoughts on being strong in front of him, even if it’s just a front.
“Hi, again.” His gaze slides over to Shelly. “Who’s this, Sara Jane?”
“This is my friend Shelly.” The girl is so boy crazy she’s almost drooling. Me, on the other hand, I gather enough bravery to keep my voice steady. His being is bigger than the whole of us. Turning to Shelly, I say, “And this is Alexander.”
“Hi.” She giggles while speaking.
Alexander’s eyes are locked on mine, never deviating. “Can I speak to you in private?”
My breath wobbles like my knees when I’m around him. With Shelly here, I try my best to play it cool. “Sure.” I walk toward the bushes that line the parking lot, putting space between our curious friends and us. Alexander follows behind. When I turn back, he’s close. Lifting up just a bit on my tiptoes to get a good look at his face at this proximity, I let my eyes travel his expression and linger on his features. His skin is smooth, clean-shaven, and tempting me to touch him. His eyes are clearer than the other day. Taking him in this close, his shoulders are broader than I realized, his biceps straining the leather to fit. He licks his lips, pulling my attention to his mouth, and he asks, “What are you doing, Sara Jane?”
“Looking at you. I want something to remember you by.”
A crooked smile lifts higher on one side, but is quickly joined by the other. “It’s only been four days. Am I a thing of the past? You’ve already moved on?”
My heart may be thundering in my chest, but I find comfort just being here with him. “I don’t know when I’ll see you next and the memories from the other day are starting to fade.”
His grin falls as he looks me over. One step closer and I can smell the cinnamon gum he’s chewing. “I’ve been thinking about you.”