Our bed. Or, at least, it will be.
I climb in and slide behind her, pulling her against me and wrapping her in my arms. She whimpers and pushes back against me, closing her hands over mine across her chest.
She can’t get close enough to me, and I completely understand the feeling. If I could find a way to stay like this forever, and never let her go, I would do it without a second thought.
The emotional and physical exhaustion of the day overwhelms me and I start to drift off. I snap my eyes open, not wanting to sleep if she needs or wants to talk, but I feel the steady rise and fall of her chest and know she’s sleeping. I let myself go, both relieved and thankful to finally have her here in my arms and terrified of what tomorrow will bring for us.
Paul’s brown eyes bore into mine, accusations in his stare…I got him into this. He’s right. I never should have pressed him. I did this. I brought this monster down on us.
The click of the trigger reverberates in my head and then side of Paul’s head explodes, blood splatters my face, and I scream…
“Shit, Danika! Wake up!”
Strong arms wrap around me, shaking me gently and my own scream echoes in the room. Hot tears pour down my cheeks. My chest is so tight, I can’t seem to get oxygen into my lungs.
“Baby, you’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re safe.”
Savage.
He pulls on my shoulder, forcing me onto my back as he hovers over me.
Even in the dim moonlight, I can see the fear and concern in his eyes. He searches my face, brushing the tears from my cheeks and kissing my forehead. “You’re okay, Danika.”
I shake my head, digging my fingers into his ribcage in frustration. “No, I’m not okay. He killed him, Savage. He killed him, because of me. He blew his goddamn head off.” A noise I don’t even recognize rips from my chest. Savage pulls me into his body, pressing his face into my neck.
His warm breath fans over my ear as he holds me through my meltdown. “No, Danika, it wasn’t your fault. Paul made his own choices. He knew what he was getting into when he agreed to help you.”
None of this would have happened if I hadn’t insisted he keep trying. He was ready to walk away. If I hadn’t been so damn determined to break this story and advance my career, he would still be alive.
Why the hell did I go meet him alone? Why didn’t I insist on him coming to me, somewhere safe?
I close my eyes, but all I see is the side of his head exploding, blood, and the shock and fear in his eyes before he collapsed onto me. Unnatural sounds continue to emanate from somewhere deep inside of me, and Savage continues to murmur reassurances I know aren’t true.
“Everything is not okay!” I scream, pushing at his heavy body.
He doesn’t understand!
“You have no idea what it’s like to look in someone’s eyes as they die…. You can’t possibly understand…. Things will never be okay…”
He lets me push him away, rolling onto his back while maintaining his hand on my hip. I feel the tension in his body, and I realize I’m being a total bitch when all he is doing is trying to help, but if he tells me things will be okay one more time, I might punch him in the nuts.
I stare at the ceiling, watching the shadows cast by the moonlight. I can’t look at him, not now.
Savage jerks up, flicking on the lamp on his nightstand, momentarily blinding me. “What the hell?” I cover my eyes and roll onto my side, turning my back to him and the offending light.
“You’re wrong…” he says, his usually strong, sure voice breaking and quivering slightly, enough that I roll back to face him. I see him waging an internal struggle and my stomach knots, my fears over the last six weeks about the future of my relationship mingling with the intense emotions leftover from the night’s events.
“Wrong about what?”
He runs his hands back through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck and staring at the ceiling. The tension in his body sets my heart pounding and brings bile up my throat.
“I do know, what it’s like to watch someone die.”
My heart stutters in my chest and my mind races trying to process what he said. “What…what do you mean?”
Sighing, he drops down onto his back and turns his head to face me. “I was going to tell you tonight…. It was one of the things I needed to explain to you.”
Sliding closer to him, I press my hand on his chest and his heart races under my palm. “Savage, what are you trying to tell me?”
He closes his eyes briefly and when he reopens them, they shimmer with unshed tears. “I know I told you I would never lie to you, that I was an open book, but, I did…I lied to you, I lied to everyone, about the accident.”
The accident?
We haven’t discussed the accident since the first night he told me the story. It isn’t exactly something I would bring up, and he doesn’t like talking about it, for obvious reasons. But, I remember every single detail he told me that night.