“Pearls before swine,” Luke whispered to Max, who nodded his head.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I said, why does Aunt Tasha laugh like that?” Luke asked. Luke had become a gifted liar.
“Because her mother was a hyena,” Max said. “It’s inherited.”
Luke and Max went on to imitate Tasha’s unfortunate shrill and gulping laugh, which sounded like some godforsaken animal screeching from deep in the bush of the Serengeti.
Both boys doubled over with laughter. Adam and I looked at each other and grinned. What could we say? It was true. My brother was married to a hyena.
The months and years continued to fly. By the time 2007 rolled around, the boys were teenage jocks with driver’s licenses and testosterone oozing from every pore of their perfectly toned bodies. They were going to college in the fall, thinking about girls and probably about getting laid.
That last prospect was pretty slim for the moment, as our whole tribe was on its way to Wild Dunes once again.
Of course, on the day we arrived, the heat was treacherous. We unloaded our cars and carried endless bags and so forth inside. The difference was that this year the boys had their own cars—Max a VW Jetta and Luke a Ford Eddie Bauer Explorer. They were used cars because Adam had wisely decided that new cars were an unnecessary luxury. He helped the boys buy them by splitting the cost and the insurance, which meant the boys had to work. And over their summers they had worked alongside Adam’s construction crews. Luke had taken a shine to the family business, but Max, no doubt as a result of Carl’s influence, was interested in medical school.
“If you graduate from college with honors, I’ll buy you both any car you want, within reason,” Adam said.
“Lamborghini!” Luke said.
“Maserati!” Max said.
“When pigs fly,” Adam said and slapped them on the shoulder. “Keep dreaming!”
Eve wandered in around five and invited us all over for dinner.
“It’s just so good to see y’all again! I missed all of you!” Eve said. “Come eat with us.”
“Oh, sweetie!” I said after giving her a big hug. “Me too! I’ve already got lasagna in the oven!” I had another casserole in the freezer but I could throw that in the oven as well.
“Then I’ll bring my hot dogs and chili over here?”
“Of course!” I hoped the hot dogs had no nitrates in them and wondered if that kind of dinner pleased Carl and her mother.
“By the way, Daphne brought a friend with her.” Eve rolled her eyes. “It was the only way I could get her to come.”
“Teenagers,” I said.
“We’re going swimming, Mom,” Max said, passing through the kitchen with Luke. “Hey, Miss Eve. Daphne here?”
“Don’t go in the ocean!” I said. “They had a shark attack last week. Some poor man nearly lost his leg.”
“Really? Yikes,” Eve said. “Yeah. She’s next door with her new best friend, Kelly. Kelly Engelbert. Kelly Engelbert who is reputed to have a tattoo of her astrological sign on her backside.”
Luke and Max looked at each other and grinned.
“Boys, stop it!” I said. “I can read your minds!”
“And it’s not Virgo,” Eve said.
“Sweet,” Max said and looked to Luke, who was struggling not to laugh.
“Yep, shark attack,” I said, trying to change the subject. “There was a big article in the Post and Courier.”
“How terrible!” Eve said.
“Don’t worry, Mom. We ain’t afraid of no shark,” Max said, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. He tossed a second one to Luke.
“Don’t say ‘ain’t,’” I said.
The door slammed and the boys were gone.
“You know, my boys aren’t going to be happy until they know Kelly’s sign.”
“Honey? I predict she ain’t gonna be happy until she shows it to them.”
The evening was spent getting caught up with one another. Daphne and Kelly (both of whom seemed as innocent as the driven snow) and the boys had eaten quickly, washed all the dishes, and gone for a walk on the beach. Two casserole dishes of lasagna and four loaves of garlic bread had been summarily consumed. The hot dogs and chili brought less enthusiasm from the crowd and, for the most part, languished in an aluminum container on the back of the stove.
“Did you count the beers?” Eve asked Carl.
“Kelly doesn’t seem like the tattoo type,” I said.
“I know,” Eve said. “They’re both Lilly Pulitzer and pearls on the outside. Teenage girls are very deceiving.”
“No, I didn’t count the beers, but I know I bought a case of Amstel Light and a case of Beck’s,” Carl said, looking across the table to Adam and me. “It’s a whole new world this year. Let me tell you, a whole new world.”
“What do you mean?” Adam asked.
“I mean raising a teenage girl is like having a terrorist in your house,” Carl said. “I used to keep all kinds of medicine at home and now I have to lock it up in a vault.”
“Why? Is Daphne fooling around with prescription medications?” I said. “That sweet child? I wouldn’t believe it for a minute!”
“You don’t know girls,” Carl said.
Eve said, “We had a whole bottle of Vicodin go missing last month. She claimed to know nothing about it. I said, ‘Oh, so it was here yesterday and today it just grew legs and walked?’”
“It’s got some serious street value,” Carl said. “When I realized it was gone I told her that if she got busted for selling drugs I’d take away her car.”
“And send her to a Christian military school in Georgia where she would have to dig up onions and recite Bible verses before she would get to eat,” Eve said.
“Good grief! Does such a place even exist?” Clarabeth said. “That sounds like the Spanish Inquisition, like child cruelty! I mean it’s too much, it’s medieval, it’s inhumane, it’s—”
Cookie interrupted Clarabeth. “A good idea. It sure scared the bejesus out of her.”
“Heaven help us,” I muttered to no one in particular.
“Unfortunately, this school only goes to twelfth grade,” Eve said. “She’s going to Elon this fall.”
“She’ll be having more fun than our boys,” Adam said. “Luke’s going to Georgia Tech for civil engineering and Max is premed at Duke.”
Adam and I were very proud of our sons’ academic achievements.
“I was so glad he got in,” Carl said. “You know we’ll keep an eye on him.”
Carl had generously written a strong letter of support for Max’s application and he had the head of admissions, an old friend, shepherd his application through the process.
“And I hope you know how much we appreciate that,” I said. “Who even keeps Vicodin in their house?”
We never had anything stronger than Tylenol in our medicine cabinet.
“I get muscle spasms in my back,” Eve said. “You must be so proud of Luke and Max.”
“I am thrilled for them, but it’s going to be pretty lonely for me!” I said.
“I’ll bet so,” Eve said. “Well, I’ll come visit!”