“You know we want you home too. More than anything,” your mom says.
This makes you want to cry, but you hold it in. Your mom hands you the duffel bag she brought with clean clothes, your pillow, and the toiletries you are allowed to have. You cannot wait to take a shower and shampoo your hair.
As visiting hour ends, your parents tell you they won’t be by tomorrow night since they’ll be here Friday for your assessment meeting. They hug you hard, tell you they love you, then they leave.
50
After your parents leave, you get in line for the phones but it seems as if everyone wants to make a call tonight. You wait and you wait, and there are still six kids in line at eight o’clock when phone time is over. You’ve missed your chance to call Ben.
“For those of you who didn’t get to make a call tonight, you’ll definitely get to call tomorrow night,” the night nurse says. You’re really bummed and feel like crying. You need to talk to Ben.
Savara and you settle in to watch Full House. It seems to be the thing to do, as several other kids have come to the lounge to watch TV too. At the first commercial you tell Savara you’re going to the kitchen to get some water and you ask if she wants anything to drink.
“Nah, I’m good,” she says.
“I’ll be right back,” you tell her.
The lights are on in the kitchen and Damian is at the sink washing his hands.
“Hey,” you say. “Can I get a cup for water?”
“Sure. Styrofoam cups in that cabinet,” he says, nodding to his left.
You pull out a cup and go to the machine for ice and water. “Nice shirt, by the way.”
Damian looks down as if he doesn’t remember what T-shirt he has on. It’s one that says, I’m with Handsome with an arrow pointing up to his face.
“Oh yeah, well, it’s true.” He laughs. “Oh, I have something for you…” He wipes his hands on his jeans, reaches into his back pocket, and pulls out a folded envelope.
“Here you go. Almost forgot to give this to you.”
He hands you the envelope.
“What is it?”
“Your boyfriend was here today.”
“Ben?”
“If that’s his name? I was taking the garbage out and this guy stopped me and showed me a picture of you on his phone—you two hiking? By the way, I so didn’t peg you as the hiking type. Anyway, he asked if I knew you and if I would give you this letter. Offered me ten bucks.”
You furrow your brow, imagining the scenario, Ben being here earlier in the day, maybe right after school, trying to find a way to get a letter to you.
“You know,” Damian says, “he really shouldn’t have been hanging around here. If Winthrop saw him, she’d probably find a reason to have him committed.”
You laugh and take a sip of your water. “You’re not kidding.”
You slip the envelope into your pocket.
“For the record, I didn’t take his money,” Damian says.
“I knew you wouldn’t. Thanks for getting it to me.”
You head back to the lounge, the words from Ben tucked in your pocket.
You look for Savara to tell her about your letter but she’s gone. The TV is still on, volume on High, but no one is watching anymore. Kids have moved to the table and they’re coloring and playing checkers. You sit down on a chair, put your water on the table next to you, and pull the envelope out of your pocket to read Ben’s letter.
Just as you start to open it, Ken, the nerdy fat kid who was Malik’s roommate, comes up behind you and snatches the envelope out of your hand. He walks around and sits super-close to you on one of the chairs. He’s creepy and his teeth are crooked and really yellow. And he’s holding the only connection you have to Ben in his meaty hands.
“What’s this?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Give that back,” you snarl at him. He’s bad news. He upset everyone at lunch this afternoon and now he’s bullying you. “I need that back. Please.” You try to look at him nicely even though you want to kill him.
Ken responds, “How bad do you want it?”
You can’t believe he’s bribing you. You stare at Ken, trying to figure out what to do while the laugh track of Full House plays.
He toys with the envelope. “What’s this all about?”
He turns the envelope over in his hands, lifts it up to the light as if he’s trying to read through it. “So what’s it gonna be?” he asks. “Am I going to have to read it here, or do you want to make some sort of deal? I know where we can go do some negotiating.”
You want to vomit. But before you can think of anything to say, Chad bolts out of his room and pulls the envelope from Ken’s hands. You didn’t realize that he was there, on his bed in the dark, watching this whole encounter unfold.
“Don’t be a dick, Ken. You’re such an asshole.” Chad hands you the now-crumpled envelope. “Get out of here and find someone else to bully.” Chad glares at Ken.
“I was just having some fun, I wasn’t going to read it,” Ken whines, then gets up from the Lego chair and skulks over to the benches where the younger kids are coloring.
“Oh my God, Chad, thank you so much,” you say.
“No problem. That guy is such a douche.”
“The worst.”
“Yeah,” Chad says. “Well, I’ll let you get to your letter.”
You stand up and before you leave, you give Chad a hug. “Thanks,” you say. “That was awesome of you.”
You go to your room, open the envelope, and take out the piece of paper. Your heart starts racing when you see Ben’s words.
Babe,
(You love when he calls you babe.)
I miss you. I can’t stand being away from you.
(Your stomach flutters like it did the first time you met him and he held your hand and you felt it all the way down to your toes.) I need to hold you again. I need you in my arms.
(You too wish so badly that you could be with him, that you could hold each other.) You’ll be out of there soon. I promise. Then I can hold you and kiss you and love you.
Because I do. I love you. And I want you to know that. I wanted to tell you at the lake on Sunday and I should have. I love you.
Think of me when you go to sleep and when you wake up because I’ll be thinking of you then.
I’ll be waiting for you when you come home. I love you.
Ben
51
After breakfast on Thursday you thank Chad again for getting your letter back from Ken.
“No problem,” Chad says. “I should have warned you about Ken sooner. Just stay as far away from him as you can.”
“I’m hoping I won’t have to deal with him much longer. I hope I get to go home tomorrow after my assessment meeting.”
“It’s tomorrow already?” he asks.
“Yep.”
“Well, steer clear of him from now on. He’s got his sights set on you for some reason.”
“Thanks,” you say.
*