How did he do this to her? How did he become so important so quickly? Maybe she should take a step back. Maybe this was moving too fast. But it felt right.
So fucking right.
“I never thought I could ever feel like this again. Happy.” His voice was so stricken that her eyes welled up with tears.
“Me either. But please stop looking like I’m about to bust a move out of here.”
He scoffed. “You’re not?”
“No!” she screeched, her lips curving. “You’re an alcoholic—you admit that and you didn’t hide it. You were honest and I appreciate that. I’m so proud of you. Why would I run?” Looking away, he slowly shook his head and her heart sank. “What is it, Benji?”
“Maybe it’s too early to go so deep?” he asked as he glanced up at her.
She sucked in a breath. “I mean, we haven’t gone on our first official date, but we’ve bumped uglies a few times and—”
“Bumped uglies?”
She made a face, unsure why she phrased it like that. Damn those younger brothers of hers and their crass language. “I’m freaking out here. But I will listen if you want to talk. If you don’t, then I’ll try to let it go. I’m not guaranteeing I can since I’m a nosy thing, but I’ll try.”
His lips curved as he took her by the back of her head, bringing her face to his, kissing her forehead. “You’re so adorable, you know?”
“I think my brothers say I’m insane.”
“That too,” he agreed, kissing her once more, taking her hand in his as she smiled. “I want to tell you, I do. But maybe right now isn’t the time.”
“Tell me what?”
“Why I cleaned up,” he said simply as she pulled back, meeting his eyes.
Holding his gaze, she nodded. “Does it have to do with this?”
She pointed to his chest and he looked down, nodding slowly. “Yeah.”
Chewing on her lip, she wanted to know. God, she wanted to know, but…
“Why wouldn’t now be the right time?”
He shook his head. “’Cause we’ve only been talking a week, and I don’t want to ruin our good time. The good thing that is coming from this.”
She understood what he was saying, and he was right. They were having a great night, lots of sharing and fun, but she needed to know.
Looking up, she met his remorseful gaze, and despite the heavy feeling in her gut, she whispered, “Tell me.”
She just hoped her gut wasn’t right—that this wouldn’t end them.
Benji wasn’t sure how this was going to go.
She was breathing deeply, apprehension radiating from her, and she almost looked like she was seeing him in a different light already. Which was not what he wanted, but maybe that’s how it was going to be. Either way, he had to be honest.
“Benji?” she asked, probably because he was trying to choose his words and was just sitting there, the only sounds their breaths and the jets of the tub. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet. They were supposed to have fun, tub sex, cuddle, and be together, but of course, he had to be truthful. He couldn’t hide what he did; she meant more to him than for her to find out some shitty way later.
When she took his hand, she squeezed it. “Don’t mistake my freaking out as anything more than that. I’m freaking out because I’m worried about you. I’m worried that you’re scared this could end what we have.”
“You’re right,” he admitted, looking up at her. “I tell people and they run the other way.”
Her eyes widened but she didn’t let his hand go. “Jesus, what the hell happened?”
Taking in a long breath, he looked at their hands as one and prayed to the God he loved and believed in that she wouldn’t run. She couldn’t. He couldn’t handle it. She meant way too much to him, and it would be almost cruel to take her away now. But then, maybe that was his punishment—wave the woman, the life he wanted in front of his face, and then snatch it out of his grip.
God, he was so fucking scared.
“When I was a kid, I met Ava Donaldson,” he said, his lips turning up at her name. “She was this gorgeous blonde who stole my breath and made me feel things I had never felt before. We got pregnant as teenagers, and I married her two days after we graduated high school. We were both newly eighteen, with a baby, but I loved her more than anything in this world. And I loved our baby, Leary,” he said softly, and Lucy’s eyes widened as she watched him.
“Wait, you’re married?”
He shook his head. “No, not anymore.”
Her face was full of misunderstanding as she held his gaze. “You’ve never spoken of them.”
“Yeah, because I’m ashamed.”
Her brows rose. “Oh.”
“Yeah, so…” he said, clearing the emotion from his throat. “I got drafted quick, promised her I would give her the life she wanted, and I did, moneywise, but I wasn’t there for her. I was running with my boys, drinking, having fun. I never cheated on her—that’s one thing I can be proud of, I never ever broke her heart that way—but I did break her heart with the drinking.”