“Things are going really good, Dad.”
“You’re spending a lot of time with him.”
He was right. I was hardly ever home anymore, between Vaughn’s and the cabin. I’d been leaving him all alone.
I took a deep breath and found some spine. I’d never lied to him, and not saying anything was the same as being dishonest.
“I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s new and fun. I’ve never felt like this.”
“I know, kid.”
“I hope I don’t screw it up.”
“It’s not the same without you around as much…”
I interrupted, “Dad, I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t let me finish.” Then like he was about to say something else, he got up and kissed me on the forehead. “I just miss you is all.”
Then he walked out the door.
I knew I’d see him at work in an hour and he wouldn’t bring it back up. That’s just the way he was.
While I was getting ready for work I got a text from Vaughn.
Vaughn: I’m glad you’re going with me Saturday.
Me: I can’t wait to see you try to dance with a boner. My dress is gonna kick your suit’s ass.
Vaughn: I can do a good many things with this boner. I have yet to hear of any shortcomings from you.
I laughed. He was right. I couldn’t give his penis all of the credit though. Vaughn, as a whole, was one completely skilled package. Always knowing what I wanted and how I wanted it, and then he’d deliver. Every time.
Me: You got me there.
Vaughn: Come over at noon and I’ll make you lunch.
Me: Okay.
I loved that things like that were becoming our normal. We had lunch at his house every now and again, or sometimes we’d meet somewhere. But knowing if I wanted company at lunch, and it was there for the taking, was special. It was something I’d only done with him.
I didn’t want anything to change. I liked us just the way we were.
No pressure.
No expectations.
It was perfect and I wanted to bottle it up and keep it going that way forever.
The days moved fast and by Saturday afternoon, I was actually really excited to go home and get all dolled up for him.
Sunny dropped by, offering to help curl my hair, and I agreed that would be best.
He was going to love the dress. It landed loosely above my knees, and held me tight through the middle, crisscrossed over my shoulders and down my back, where it was mostly open.
My hair was just exactly how I’d wanted it with big, fat, smooth waves, almost like something out of 40s or 50s Hollywood. She’d helped me with my makeup, too, and I looked like a movie star, to be honest. My body filled out the dress just the way I wanted, and my skin looked even tanner in contrast with the creamy peach color.
“Well, I’m going to get out of here, but you look like a million bucks. I’m serious. I’ve never seen you this happy and it shows.”
That was a compliment I was proud to take, because that was exactly how I felt.
Happy.
“Thank you, and thanks for helping me,” I added as she packed up her things.
“I didn’t do much; you didn’t need much. You look perfect. Call me and tell me how it goes. Have fun.”
She gave me an air kiss, I guess so she didn’t mess my face up.
I wasn’t about to fake kiss with Vaughn later. Ladylike or not, makeup be damned.
As time grew closer to my big, fancy date, I sat down in the living room, where my dad was, and put on my shoes.
If I had any worries about the night, the only one I could think of was the damn heels I’d bought to go with the dress.
I could count on my toes how many times in my life I’d ever worn shoes like that. It was less than a shoe’s worth.
I’d just be careful. Besides, he said we could always leave. If shoes ended up hurting my feet, we could go back to his place where I’d take them off. Take all of it off.
When I had strapped up, I looked at my dad who I could feel was staring at me.
“You look like your mom,” he said.
I was used to hearing digs on my mom, but it wasn’t very often I’d heard anything positive about her. She’d really been an asshole to do what she’d done to my dad. To both of us.
“I do?” I asked as I smoothed a hand over my hair. I’d never seen any pictures of her wearing it like that.
“Not the hair, your face. You look like you’re in love.” He’d definitely never said anything like that.
“In love?”
He gave me a weak smile and answered. “It wasn’t all bad with us, kid. There was a time she loved me and she looked just like you do right now. Excited and scared.” He ran a weathered hand over his mouth. “You look more excited, though. Either way, that’s how I remember her the most. The way she looked when she loved me. When she wanted us.”
Then he made a face like he was shaking off the memory.
How she could ever leave a man, who loved her as much as he did, was beyond me.
“Dad,” I said, not knowing what else to say.