“No. I’m fine. You need to get back to your life.”
“I feel bad leaving you like this.”
“I’ll be heading home in a couple of days anyway. The sooner I get back to Providence and prepare for this new reality, the better I will be.”
“Patch…”
“Don’t call me that name anymore.” Tears sprung to my eyes. “Not because I’m mad at you…it just makes me sad.” My lips trembled.
“Okay,” he said softly.
“What were you going to say?”
“If you need anything…anything at all…please call me. Promise me you’ll keep me updated on what’s happening.”
“I will.”
“Let me know when I’m allowed to tell Jade.”
“Okay. It’s not like I can hide it much longer.”
His eyes wandered to the bed. Earlier, I’d been looking at the snapshots from the ultrasound and had left them lying out in the open. He walked over and picked them up. He stared at the images and looked mesmerized. “That thing is inside of you? You’re hardly showing.”
“I know.”
He shook his head while examining the photos. “God, this is so strange. I think I’m still in shock.”
“You wouldn’t be the only one.”
He placed the pictures back on the bed and was staring into space, deep in thought. He reached his hand into his pocket and took out the red pocketknife. “I want you to keep it. You need it more than I do. Keep it by your bed at night. It’ll make me feel better because I feel fucking helpless right now.”
I wasn’t going to argue with him. “Okay.”
His gaze moved to the window. We could both see that Jade was pulling in.
I wiped my eyes. “You’d better go.”
He didn’t move.
We stared long and hard into each other’s eyes until we heard Jade entering the house.
Then, he slipped away.
PART TWO
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
CHAPTER 10
I felt like I was breaking into someone’s property, even though it was half my own.
Everything looked the same as we’d left it. The beach house was freezing. The heat needed to be turned on. It was the middle of May and still fairly cool on the island. I wasn’t supposed to return until the end of June, but the house where I rented an apartment got sold, forcing me to leave. That gave me no choice but to head to Newport early, otherwise we would have been homeless. I was already on maternity leave through the end of the school year, so it made sense.
We’d been unable to find temporary tenants in the off season here, so the beach house stayed empty. An unexpected feeling of longing overwhelmed me. This place used to remind me of Nana; now it reminded me of Justin. I could practically smell his cologne in the kitchen. It was my imagination, but it felt real. I also imagined him standing near the coffeepot, smirking while stirring his coffee fusion…his bare muscled back as he looked out the window toward the ocean…the lick, slam, suck as he drank tequila. Gazing toward the living room, I remembered our awkward final night before Jade returned.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I imagined it was last summer when life was so simple. Then, the little cry coming from the baby carrier strapped to my chest snapped me back to reality.
Bea’s head wiggled back and forth in search of my breast. “Wait…wait. I have to take you out of this thing first.” Removing her from the Baby Bjorn, I babbled, “You were so good during the ride. You must be starving, huh?”
Shit. Most of my stuff was still in the car. I carried my two-month-old daughter outside to retrieve the breastfeeding pillow from my backseat. Tracy had bought it for me, insisting it was the one item I’d need the most, and she was right. It was bright pink with white daisies and an absolute necessity in order to feed this constantly hungry baby without breaking my back. I stopped for a moment to admire the ocean before returning inside.
Bea was short for Beatrice. She was named after my grandmother. My baby girl was born in mid-March, one week before her due date. Adam chose not to be there. He said he wanted proof that the baby was his, and until then, he wasn’t going to acknowledge her as his daughter. Because we’d used condoms, he assumed that it was unlikely that he could be the father. He was the only person I’d slept with before getting pregnant, but there was simply no way to prove that to him if he didn’t take my word for it. I didn’t want the stress of having to get Bea’s blood drawn right now, and he was in no hurry to be there for us, so I chose to put off dealing with him. His bitch, Ashlyn, was surely working this situation behind the scenes, and I was sure she was telling him that I was a liar. With much bigger fish to fry, I didn’t need that shit right now. Life was too stressful as it was.