I was still in shock. It seemed like I was in the middle of a horrible dream. This pregnancy felt impossible to believe.
How was I possibly going to raise a child? I could barely take care of myself. My salary wasn’t enough to cover the cost of daycare. There were so many things that were up in the air. The sound of the front door slamming interrupted my frantic thought process. Before I could wonder if they’d left, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and approaching my room.
There was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me.” The unexpected sound of his low voice made me shiver.
“What do you need?”
“Can I come in?”
I got up and answered the door. “What?”
He looked tired, like he’d been run ragged.
“You look exhausted. Too much sex?” I scoffed.
Ignoring the question, he said, “Jade is making guacamole. We’re out of limes, so she ran back to the store. It’s the first opportunity I’ve had to talk to you alone. We don’t have much time.”
“What do you need to say?”
“Why haven’t you come out of your room?”
“Isn’t that what you wanted…for me to disappear?”
Looking filled with regret, Justin shook his head slowly and whispered, “No.”
“No?”
“No. The schedule idea was asinine. I’m sorry I ever suggested it.”
“Well, guess what?”
“What?”
“It’s no longer going to be hard for you to resist me. There won’t be a dilemma. Because when I tell you what I found out today, you’ll never have a single inappropriate thought about me again. You won’t want anything to do with me. Your biggest nightmare…just became my reality, Justin.”
His eyelids were fluttering in an attempt to decipher my words. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Bursting into tears, I sat back down on my bed and buried my face in my hands. I was suddenly all too aware of my pregnancy hormones. Justin, who had never seen me cry to this extent, sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms. That only prompted me to sob harder.
“Amelia…talk to me. Please.”
“I went to see a doctor. It was just supposed to be a routine check-up. I’d been sick…just like you were…”
“Did someone hurt you over there?”
Wiping my nose with my sleeve, I cried, “No. It’s nothing like that.”
“What then?”
“The doctor ran some tests. One of them was a pregnancy test.” So ashamed, I pulled back to look at his face.
“You’re…pregnant?”
My voice was practically inaudible. “Yes.”
“How can that be?”
“I’m three months along. It’s Adam’s.”
“That asshole didn’t use a condom with you?”
“That’s the thing. We did use one. I don’t know how this happened. Clearly, they’re not foolproof.”
“Is it too late to terminate it?”
“Did you not hear me say I was three months along? Yes, it’s too late! Even so, I could never go through with an abortion.”
Justin got up from the bed and started to pace. “Alright…alright, I’m sorry. I was just thinking out loud, making sure you know what your options are.”
“I’m so scared.”
Jade’s voice called from downstairs, “Justin? I’m back!”
He stopped pacing. “Shit.”
“Please don’t tell Jade,” I begged. “I don’t want anyone to know yet.”
“Okay. Of course.”
“You’d better go.”
He wouldn’t move from his spot. “Amelia…”
“Go! Just go. I don’t want her to see me crying.”
Still looking shocked and confused, Justin quietly slipped out of the room.
I spent the rest of that night surfing the Internet for information on what to expect in the next six months. I had to figure out how I was going to tell Adam. He might not want anything to do with it, but he still needed to know.
***
Justin and Jade were packing up the car. I’d already said my goodbyes to Jade over an early breakfast but hadn’t had a chance to speak to Justin. They would be taking off back to the city any minute. I couldn’t believe this day was finally here. It was both dreaded and a relief all at once. Seeing him every day would have been even harder, knowing that without a shadow of a doubt, there was no longer the chance of a future for us. Justin didn’t want kids of his own, let alone to raise someone else’s. This pregnancy was the final nail in the coffin. Maybe I would take him up on that schedule for next summer. Better yet, maybe I would need to sell him my half of the house. As much as that thought was heartbreaking, I didn’t know what kind of financial situation I would be in after the baby came.
Standing at my bedroom window, I looked down as they placed suitcases and boxes into the back of the Range Rover. At one point, Justin happened to look up at me. He held up his index finger as if to tell me to wait for something. Soon after, I noticed that he whispered in Jade’s ear. A few seconds later, she took off in the car.
The sound of his footsteps soon followed. Then, he appeared at my door.
Looking morose, he said, “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How are you holding up?”
“Not too good.”
“I asked Jade to go get gas so that I could say goodbye, find out if there is anything you need before we leave.”