Rocked Up

I’m a greedy little girl like that.

I sigh into my pillow and wish that my brazenness would carry me down the hallway and to his room. But I could tell from the way that Arnie was looking at us, that the time isn’t right. In fact, I’m sure the fact that Brad kissed me was a big mistake. I know he’s not supposed to lay a hand on me, I’ve heard the threats from my father.

And I know there’s a lot at stake when it comes to Brad and his relationship with him.

It’s just that I’m not afraid. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and the fact is, I like Brad. A lot. I mean, that’s a given, it’s always been a given. But this isn’t a young teenager pining after a rock star. This is me, a young woman, getting to know this rock star on a very personal level. I’m falling for the real Brad Snyder, the man behind the mask, the man of few words and a damaged past. I’m getting to know him and the more I get to know him and all his faults and flaws, along with everything that makes him magical, the more that I like him.

And the braver I’m getting, for better or for worse.

Fuck. That kiss. I can still feel it on my lips. The way he tasted, smelled, the feel of his hands in my hair, the way he bit my lower lip, tugging just so. I was so close to dragging him to my room.

I turn over and stare up at the ceiling, blowing a strand of hair off my face. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping for some time and I feel like if I don’t start talking to someone about all of this, I’ll burst.

I bring out my phone from my bag and look at the time. It’s almost midnight but Christy always burns the midnight oil when she’s working. I’ve only texted her here and there, mainly checking on how Baby Groot is doing, but I could do with some female bonding. Though I’ve always been independent and never had many close female friends growing up, always preferring the company of boys except for my friend Shelby, who moved to London after high school, being on the road can be lonely.

I decide to Facetime her.

She answers on the third ring and I hold the phone high above me, my head back on the pillow, smiling at the sight of her face.

“Hey, am I bothering you?” I ask her, checking the small picture of me on the screen. I look all sorts of nuts with my hair spilling out around me, a crazed look in my eyes.

“Not at all,” she says, bright-eyed, considering how late it is, “I was actually debating taking a break. I swear I’m going cross-eyed.”

“What are you working on now?”

“Oh nothing. Nothing interesting compared to what you’re doing. How is it? I caught your show in Phoenix! You did amazing!”

“It was on TV?”

“Well I saw it on Youtube.”

I’m touched that she looked it up.

“But,” she says, “it was pretty amazing and really well shot. You were badass and the camera loved you. It kept focusing on either you or Brad. You are both fucking babes.”

I swear I feel myself blushing.

“Well, thank you.”

“So tell me everything. I mean everything, the real things, not just the easy stuff that you can text.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you from work.”

“Oh come on, you know it’s fine. I’ve been working pretty much ever since you left, I’m in dire need of something exciting. Let me live vicariously through you. And please, please tell me you’ve gotten some action at some point.”

I burst out laughing. “Did you think I was that hard up?”

She sticks her tongue out at me. “No. I didn’t but for the time we’ve been living together, I’ve never seen you go out on a single date.”

“I work a lot.”

“So. Work hard, play hard. And you’re working now but don’t you dare use that as an excuse.”

“Okay, let me see Baby Groot first.”

“He’s right here,” she says and puts the phone down for a moment so I see a shot of the ceiling in her office. Then after some shuffling she aims the phone’s camera back at her and Groot’s little Chihuahua face is looking at me.

I swear I almost burst into tears. It’s funny how attached you get to something even after a short time. It’s not that I’m homesick, not at all, but seeing my little dog’s face makes me realize how unstable everything really is for me right now.

And I can’t blame that on anything more than my feelings for Brad.

What I feel for Brad knocks me off balance.

Of course Baby Groot doesn’t know what’s going on. He tries sniffing the screen and then licking Christy’s face as she holds him close to her.

“Say something, talk to him,” she says, laughing.

“Hey Baby, Baby,” I coo to the screen and he automatically starts looking around trying to figure out where my voice is coming from. Suddenly it seems kind of cruel to have such a disembodied sign of his owner around but at least his tail is wagging. “I miss you so much.”

“Well he misses you too,” she says. “I’ve been letting him snuggle at the foot of the bed every night and every morning I wake up with his butt practically in my face.”

“Yeah that sounds about right.”

“So, don’t change the subject. Who are you waking up with every morning?”

“Actually, no one.”

“Not Brad?”

My heart can’t help but skip a beat. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I saw that show. And I saw the way he kept looking at you while you were performing. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone else in his band, his eyes were all for you.”

I swallow hard. “Oh. Well.”

“Come on, I know you’re calling me because you have something juicy to say.”

I sigh. “Okay. Well. Nothing has really happened between us yet…we just kissed.”

She closes her eyes and squeals, dancing in her seat which makes Baby Groot jump off of her. “I knew it!”

“It just happened.”

“What, tonight?”

“Like ten minutes ago. Just outside his door.”

“So what the hell are you doing here?”

“I don’t know. Arnie, the manager, he interrupted us. I didn’t want to push it. I didn’t want to get Brad into any more trouble.”

“Why would he get in trouble? He’s a grown man, ain’t he?”

“He is but…my father.”

Christy exhales, rolling her eyes. “What now?”

“Well you know how it was pretty much all him that got me this gig…”

“No, Lael. You got yourself this gig because you’re one talented mofo. Fuck your father. Sorry but…”

“No, don’t apologize. Most people would say that. But Brad can’t. He owes everything he has to my father. When he was fourteen he had nothing, was just bounced from foster home to foster home. Music was his only stability. And then Ronald Ramsey stepped in and gave him the world. Brad wouldn’t dare mess that up.”

“Yeah but why would your father know? And why would he care?”

“Because he does. There’s a reason why he tried to get me to travel behind in that other damn bus.”

“And he knows you’re not the type to travel in your own bus.”

“I don’t think my father knows me at all, honestly. But he definitely doesn’t want Brad touching me, that much is for certain.”