“No. Everything is not okay. It’s not at all okay,” Mandy said when they were outside.
“Rocco?”
She nodded. “He’s drifting farther and farther away every day. I’m afraid of where he’s headed.”
“Angel said he’s been hanging out in your old barn.”
She flashed a look at Kit. “It isn’t just that’s he’s isolating himself from us. And it isn’t that his selection of a hangout spot is a dangerous one. It’s the fact that the darkness is taking more and more of him.”
Kit nodded and looked forward. “I ordered him back to a shrink.”
“That will help—and absolutely needs to be part of his healing plan.” She looked at her brother. “But there’s something else I want to do.”
Kit lifted a brow.
“I want to put in a memorial garden in my front yard. To Kadisha.”
“Oh. Shit.”
“It’s important, Kit. We need to quit pretending she isn’t part of our lives. She’s Zavi’s mother, for crying out loud.”
Kit dipped his head and rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Rocco wants to forget her. Forget what happened. Laying it all out in broad daylight, for him and everyone to see, isn’t going to be a good thing.”
“I think it’ll be cathartic. Zavi will have a place to tell his mom when something important happens in his life. It’ll give Rocco a way of telling Kadisha what was really in his heart when they were together. It’ll honor her.”
“Right, and that’s fucked up. She blew herself up, Em. Decimated her village. You don’t honor that.”
Mandy sighed. “What happened was part of the war, Kit. It was the result of hatred, and anger, and fear. And a broken heart. I’m not saying she was a hero, but things don’t happen in a vacuum. Rocco had a hand in that. He needs to forgive himself. He needs to let it go. Because if he doesn’t, he’ll never move forward and build a life full of joy. He’ll always be stuck in that black place, and it will eat more and more of him.” Mandy put her hand against her belly. “I want my baby to know his dad, not the shell of the man his madness leaves behind.”
Kit set his hands on his hips. They’d stopped walking. He bent his head.
Mandy’s heart beat hard. She clarified her position before he could shoot her idea down: “I’m not asking permission to put a garden at my place. I’m giving you fair warning that I will be working with some special contractors. I know I can’t do that without Max and Greer clearing them. That’s why I’ve brought this up.”
“Can it wait, Em? Let the shrink work with him first?”
“No. Winter will be here before you know it. When the ground freezes, we won’t be able to plant the trees.”
“What are you going to tell Rocco?”
“That I’m putting in a little garden.”
Kit frowned. “All right. Give the guys the info they need to clear the company. And give me some heads-up when the work’s going to start.”
Mandy nodded. “Thank you.”
“And take Selena with you if you have to go around to landscapers.”
“I will.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing, sis.”
“I hope so, too.”
Chapter Three
Dr. Kimble’s suite was not extravagant, Rocco discovered at 0900 Monday morning. Besides the small waiting area and front desk, there was a records room, a conference room, and two counseling offices, one of which doubled as his office. That was where Rocco sat, awaiting the doctor. The whole suite was badly in need of a facelift, though he supposed the Scandinavian teak furniture and shag carpets had been out of fashion long enough to be in again.
A barrel-chested man wearing tan khakis, a white turtleneck, and a brown cardigan came in. His thick white hair stood out at odd angles all over his head.
“Good morning,” he greeted Rocco.
Rocco nodded, but didn’t stand and didn’t offer to shake his hand. He didn’t trust counselors; he didn’t like getting his head shrunk, but then he didn’t particularly like it exploding either, which was why he was there.
Dr. Kimble removed his cardigan and draped it over the chair at his desk. He picked up a clipboard with some papers in it, and a notepad and pen, then came over to sit on the chair facing the sofa where Rocco sat.
“I hope you were offered coffee or tea or water,” Dr. Kimble said.
“I was.”
“So, Rocco, what can I do for you?”
Rocco kept all the warmth from his face as he said, “Not much, I imagine.”
“Why are you here?”
“I was told to come.”
Dr. Kimble nodded. “Your boss, Kit Bolanger, phoned me last week, filled me in on some of your background.”
Good. Hopefully that obviated the need for Rocco to start yakking.
“How long have you been back from Afghanistan?”