He saw moisture in her eyes and wondered if he would ever stop putting it there. When she stood and came toward him, he held his breath, praying she would touch him. Just before their bodies met, she stopped, taking in the injuries to his face. “This isn’t the first time you’ve done this to yourself, is it?”
She reached up to test his eye, but he leaned into her palm instead. “You told me you never lose a fight, so I wondered why you were always banged up. Tell me why you do this.”
Bowen swallowed heavily, afraid if he moved, her touch would go away. “I don’t know. I do it so I don’t feel numb like the rest of them. I do it to feel. I do it not to feel. Take your pick.”
She couldn’t hide her distress. “There are other ways to feel, Bowen.”
“Yeah?” He knew she hadn’t meant it to sound sexual, but he’d never been able to resist going down that road in his mind with her. Especially when she stood so close, worrying about him.
Touching him. Acting on its own, his hand settled on her hip, massaging circles into the sensitive area with his thumb. “You want to help me feel, Sera?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Sera’s pulse danced, every muscle below her waist pulling taut. Logic shouted in her ear to step back, away from
this
man.
This
damaged
complication of a man whose world she could never live in. Nor could he ever live in hers. She needed to listen this time. Her body had been making too many decisions lately, and while the need to soothe his pain was a living, breathing demand inside her, she couldn’t give in. Oh, but she desperately wanted to. He could be her lifeboat as the storm of emotions raged around her, through her. Grief for her brother on his birthday, anger at her uncle for not believing
in
her,
tempered
with
embarrassment she hated feeling. Fear of what the night would bring. Bowen would demand all her concentration and for a while, it would be perfect.
Amazing. Until it ended and things were twice as knotted as when they began.
With a near-paralyzing case of reluctance, Sera stepped out of his reach, dislodging the hand on her hip.
“You should go wash off that blood.”
“You should come help me.”
His thickened voice was so full of intention it made her stomach flutter.
“No, Bowen.”
She noticed an immediate change in his demeanor. He went from seductive bad boy to self-assured ladies’ man before she could blink. He’d seen the evidence on her face that she still desired him. The confidence that knowledge provided combined with the sting of her rejection was responsible for his attitude change, she knew that for certain. She felt a frisson of alarm, wondering how he would use the attraction. Right now, he just looked downright irritable, but there was also intention in the hard set of his jaw.
“We don’t have to fuck, Sera. But you’re coming to shower with me.”
When she stared at him in openmouthed shock, he gave her a tight smile. “I told you. Nothing rash. Since you haven’t agreed to let me help you, you’re not leaving my sight. I’m not coming out of the bathroom and finding you gone.”
“I’m not showering with you,” she scoffed.
He shrugged. “Then the blood stays.”
Without another word, he walked out of her bedroom. A second later, she heard the unmistakable sound of him lighting a match, the smell of cigarette smoke permeating the air. After the morning she’d had, the blatant challenge he presented proved too much to resist.
Doing her best to look casual, she followed him out into the kitchen and picked up his pack of cigarettes where it sat on the counter. As he watched her suspiciously, she flicked on one of the stove burners and lit the end, lifted the cigarette to her lips, and took a deep pull before it could go out. The smoke felt like fire pouring down her throat, but somehow she managed not to cough.
Instead, she blew a steady exhale of smoke in his direction.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demanded angrily. “Put that out.”
“Why?”
“It’s bad for you.” When she took another puff, he growled. “Knock it off, Sera.”
“No. Every time you smoke a cigarette, I’m going to smoke one, too.”
Sera knew this little act of rebellion was childish, but God, it felt fantastic. She’d been protected her whole life, learning so young that acting out only made things worse for herself. Well, right about now, things were about as worse as they could get, so she might as well go for broke.
Bowen had just gotten finished telling her how good she was. How he wanted to absorb all the bad. This was her way of telling him she didn’t need it.
Before she could take her third drag from the cigarette, Bowen tossed his own into the sink and advanced on her.
The cigarette was plucked from her fingers on the way to her lips and held up between his fingertips. “If that’s the case, I’ll never touch another one in my goddamn life.”
Having his vibrating intensity so close heated her head to toe. She tried to back up but her hips hit the counter. “Right.”