He wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t thought of before, or even anything I hadn’t said to my father, trying to persuade him to change his ways.
Tebald continued, “But here Lagonia stands. We’re surviving in these walls. My legacy will continue. If only one royal house is still standing when the eclipse lifts, it will be mine. Be assured of that.” He nodded resolutely, a fanatical light gleaming in his eyes. I supposed there had to be a bit of the fanatical in anyone determined to survive the eclipse. “The question, Fowler, is whether you will be part of this house . . . if your legacy will live on.”
The threat was subtle. Join him or perish. And there was only one way to join him that he would accept. We stared at each other for a long while.
“You don’t want me to marry your daughter,” I said quietly, thinking not only of me in that moment but of her, too. I could never love her, and she would know that soon.
Even though I had been half out of my mind with fever when she visited me, I knew enough of the princess already. Maris was a coddled girl, childlike and with no awareness, no fear or respect for the reality of this world. I couldn’t be with someone like that. She would sense that I wasn’t truly with her even when we were together. There would always be someone else there, a ghost hovering between us. A girl with stars in her eyes, full of dreams that didn’t belong in this world. Maris would come to hate me for that.
“You’re right. I do not. But a ruler must do things they don’t always like. Choices have to be made.”
“If you care about your daughter, don’t force this marriage between us.”
He shrugged and waved a hand with a scoff. “Don’t be sentimental. Maris is an instrument, a weapon to be used and waged. Just as you are. You both have your duties.”
He cared little for his own daughter. I couldn’t appeal to his love for her. He wasn’t that different from my father. That should have made him easy to understand. I should have been able to predict his next move if I simply thought of him in those terms. Gazing at him, I could almost confuse his cold eyes for my father’s.
“What say you, Fowler? Do you know your place in the order of things?” He lifted his laced fingers one at a time, bringing them down slowly like dominoes falling. “Do I need to make myself any more clear?” He arched an eyebrow.
Studying him, I angled my head to the side as a calmness settled over me. He meant he expected my fealty—to Lagonia, to him. I don’t think there was a distinction. A bad taste coated my mouth. “Yes, I know my place, Your Majesty.”
He smiled that oily smile again. “Smart boy. I’ll leave you now.” Smart indeed. I knew to say what he wanted to hear. “I imagine Maris is skulking around the corner, waiting for me to leave so that she can descend on you again.” He patted my knee through the bedcovers. “Get well and we’ll start planning these weddings. Maris is eager. She’s only been waiting her entire life for this.” He waved a hand. “She has a bounty of ideas. Not all realistic, mind you. Her proposed menu alone is going to require adjusting.”
She had been waiting her entire life to marry me. While I was on the Outside fighting, trying not to die, watching others die horribly, she was daydreaming about a boy she didn’t know and a lavish wedding. It was all the evidence I needed that I couldn’t spend my life with her. I couldn’t spend my life here, under Tebald’s thumb. I’d made that decision years ago without even meeting her.
I needed to escape here the same way I had escaped Relhok. Only this place was going to be harder to leave. After my father killed Bethan he thought me broken. No one had thought to watch me. No one thought that one day I might simply walk out of the gates at midlight and never return. Here they would watch my every move.
I had the same choking sensation I felt when I was in Relhok. As though a great weight was bearing down on my chest, pushing and shoving all the air out.
I would find my breath again. I’d say whatever lies I had to say. I’d fake whatever I needed to, but I would leave.
And when I did, I was taking Luna with me. The thought of Luna made something the king said penetrate. “Your Majesty, pardon me. Did you say . . . weddings?” As in more than one? Grimacing, I forced myself back up on the bed.
Halfway to the door, he stopped and turned. “Ah, yes. Luna shall marry into our house as well.” He smiled slowly, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. “Come, Fowler, did you think to hide who she really was from me? Ah, from your expression I suppose you did. I knew her mother, wasted many a season paying court to her. With one look, I knew who she was.” Tsking his tongue, he shook his head. “You won’t insult me by denying it, will you?”
He knew. I shook my head numbly. As soon as I was on my feet, we’d put this place far behind us. “If you know who she is, why bother with me?”
“I’ve learned the wisdom of having a secondary strategy in place. You’re a nice spare to have around.”