“Don’t worry, Auntie Elle, everything is all set up and ready to go,” Jackie said.
“Jackie, this won’t be breaking the Hypocritical code, will it?” Lorena asked delicately.
“You mean the Hippocratic oath? No, not at all. As long as the person doesn’t object, there is no issue,” Jackie replied.
Nadine flipped through the latest issue of Tattle idly. “Hey, are you all going to go to this costume ball being thrown by this Countess Colette? It seems like everyone from everywhere is coming to town for the big event.”
“Who is everyone?” Lorena asked.
“All these socialites from Europe and America, Hollywood celebrities, and the environmentalists. It says here that all the world’s top designers are going insane trying to keep up with all the orders for costumes for the ball. Apparently everyone is going to dress up like Prowst.”
“Hahaha, I highly doubt everyone’s going to dress up like Proust—he was a small, pasty little man. They are dressing up like characters from his books!” Lorena corrected.
“I’ve never read any of his books. Did he write that Da Vinci Code one? I saw the movie and didn’t understand a thing!” Nadine said. “Anyway, there’s a rumor that some British princess will be the surprise guest of honor! I heard that Yolanda Amanjiwo bought five tables—cost her half a mil.”
“That Amanjiwo woman can stand in her shower and tear up hundred-dollar bills all day for all I care, I wouldn’t pay a cent to go to any costume ball!” Daisy huffed.
Nadine gave Daisy a pleading look. “But it’s for the orangutans. Don’t you care about the plight of the cute orangutans?”
“Ey, Nadine, when Ah Meng died, did you cry?” Daisy asked.*2
“Er…no.”
“I didn’t either. So why on earth would I want to pay ten thousand dollars just to sit in a room full of ang mors eating ang mor food to save a bunch of Ah Mengs?” Daisy argued.
“Daisy, you just don’t have the heart for animals like I do. Beyoncé and Rihanna, my two Pomeranians, bring me so much joy you have no idea,” Nadine said.
Just then, a maid showed Rachel into Carol Tai’s bedroom.
“Rachel, you came!” the ladies all said excitedly.
“Of course I came! Nick’s told me so many stories about your Thursday Bible study, I’ve always been curious to attend! Sorry I’m late. I drove myself and got a bit lost trying to find the neighborhood. Google Maps didn’t anticipate all the detours.”
“Alamak, why didn’t you have Ahmad drive you? He’s so free shaking legs all day at Tyersall Park now that the old lady is gone,” Eleanor remarked.
“Oh, I didn’t even think of it!” Rachel said.
“Well, Rachel, come meet my niece Jackie. She’s a doctor that lives in Brisbane,” Eleanor continued.
“Hello. It’s a pleasure!” Rachel said, shaking hands with the pretty thirtysomething woman and sitting down beside her on the chaise lounge. A maid immediately thrust an oversize flute of champagne into her hands. “Ooh, I didn’t know you ladies drank during Bible study!” Rachel said in surprise.
“Of course we do! After all, Jesus turned water into wine,” Eleanor said. “Rachel, this is very expensive champagne from the Dato’s wine cellar. You mustn’t waste a drop—drink it all up!”
“Twist my arm,” Rachel said merrily, as Carol handed her a Bible.
“Sister Daisy is going to lead us in the Scripture reading today,” Carol began, as the ladies quickly flipped their Bibles open to Proverbs.
“Yes, okay, Proverbs 31:10: ‘A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.’ What does this mean to you all?” Daisy asked.
“The only thing that is worth more than rubies are good Bolivian emeralds,” Lorena remarked.
“Well, you haven’t seen my new ruby earrings from Carnet! They are drop-dead, and worth far more than my emeralds,” Nadine interjected.
“Nadine, are you still buying jewelry at your age? Don’t you have enough at this point?” Daisy chastised.
Nadine gave her a sharp look. “Pardon me, what do you mean by ‘enough’?”
Just then, an army of maids entered the room, each carrying a lacquer tray containing a bento box filled with Hainanese chicken rice. “Aiyah, they’re too quick with lunch today. I told my butler we wouldn’t be ready to eat until one thirty at the earliest!” Carol pretended to complain.
“Well, we mustn’t let the food get cold!” Lorena commented.
“Okay!” the ladies said, throwing their Bibles aside and digging in to their individual bento boxes with gusto.
“Wait, that’s it?” Rachel figured that Bible study with these ladies probably wasn’t going to feature any probing theological discussions, but she was surprised it was over this quickly.
“You’re very lucky, Rachel. Auntie Daisy heard you were going to come to Bible study today, so she personally had her cook Swee Kee make her famous Hainanese chicken rice,” Eleanor explained, as she quickly shoveled a tender, juicy piece of sliced chicken into her mouth.
“Oh wow, thank you, Auntie Daisy. I’ve become addicted to chicken rice ever since Nick first introduced me to it! I wish we could find authentic chicken rice in New York,” Rachel remarked.
Right on cue, Nadine’s iPad started buzzing. “Alamak, I totally forgot! It’s time for my daily good-night call with my grandson in London.” She took her iPad out of her large Bottega Veneta Hobo bag and turned on FaceTime. “Joshie, Joshie, is that you?” A moon-faced blond girl appeared on the screen. “Mrs. Shaw, I just got your urgent e-mail. You wanted me to put—”
Nadine quickly interrupted. “Yes, yes, Svetlana, you don’t have to mention anything in the e-mail! Just put Joshua on the screen.”
“But we’re in the middle of his bath now.”
“It doesn’t matter, put him on, lah!” Nadine insisted.
The nanny tilted her phone and a little naked toddler appeared on the screen, sitting in shallow water in the middle of an enormous marble bathtub.
“Alamak, what a cutie he is!” the ladies all gushed in unison.
“There’s my little Joshie!” Nadine cooed.
“He’s not that little. Don’t you think he has an enormous coo-coo for his age? My boys were never that big,” Daisy whispered to Lorena.
“Isn’t the father Arab? Arab men are supposed to be hung like camels,” Lorena whispered back.
“The father’s not Arab. He’s a Syrian Jew. And we shouldn’t be talking about such things at Bible study!” Carol glared at the women distastefully.
“Aiyah, what’s the big deal? The Bible is filled with penises! There are so many scriptures about circumcising your boys and all that nonsense!” Daisy said.