The damning curiosity that cost me, keeps me mute.
“I was just as forthcoming with my own story. It was our first bonding point and common ground. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other physically, but because we were so raw—so straightforward—with each other, we came together as the most honest versions of ourselves. Truth is, neither of us gave a damn if we turned the other off with the bluntest version of our personalities. But that thing we had when we met was so hard to ignore, though it was heavily lust-induced and comforting. Until it wasn’t, and when the dynamic changed, it terrified us both—more so him. I don’t think he expected to love me. I don’t know if I even wanted to love him. We both held out as long as we could. I knew your father was getting nervous that he was starting to fall, and he’d been burned just as badly as I had.” She shakes her head as memories surface clearly in her eyes, a soft smile lifting her lips. “Eventually, I acknowledged that I was crazy in love with him, but the truth is, he fell for me first. And when we gave in and clicked together, hearts and bodies, the same way we met, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.” She swallows, and I can feel the anger vibrating from her frame. “I walked down that aisle toward your father without any hesitation in my step. With a mature heart still capable of being set on fire, and I’ve never once resented Stella or her place in his.” She turns to me then, eyes brimming. “At least, not until last night.”
“Mom, I wanted to tell you—”
“No, you didn’t,” she snaps crossly. “It took me a hot second to figure out why you were asking me so many questions about how your father and I got together, about the timeline…until it clicked.” I see the utter devastation in her expression as her voice begins to shake. “It clicked that my own daughter questioned the authenticity of my twenty-three-year marriage and believed it to be such a farce that she sought answers from someone other than me.”
“M-mom, I’m so sorry. I know Daddy loves you. I was just—”
“You had your chance,” she interrupts as she aggressively wipes her face with her T-shirt sleeve. “I had to know,” she continues. “So I went to your desk, and I found the file and the emails between them,” she bites her lip as tears roll freely down her cheeks and she draws her brows. “I can only imagine how inspired you were by them and how boring we must have seemed to you over the years. I felt everything between them, right along with you.” Her lower lip trembles. “I felt how much he wanted her, loved her. I felt his pain, too,” she shakes her head as tears collect and pool at her chin. “It did something to me I can’t really explain…but I guess that’s why you couldn’t either. Why you wouldn’t come to me.” She turns and faces me fully, the desolation in her expression ripping me apart.
“So now, sweetheart, I guess the question you couldn’t bring yourself to ask me is, if I ever feel like your father settled for me? Never. But if the one person who has lain witness to our marriage day-to-day isn’t convinced, why should I be?”
“Addie, Jesus Christ, no,” my father rasps out as we both turn to see him standing at the door of the barn. The thud of the brush on the stable floor clatters as my mother’s face collapses in an expression of grief, and she buries her head in her hands. Dad reaches her in a few strides, pulling her into his arms. My mother cries briefly into his chest, and he strokes her hair while whispering into her ear. “No, baby, no. Fuck no. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She rips herself from his arms abruptly. “Just…give me a goddamned minute, Nate.” Mom’s cry echoes into the barn, and she steps out of it.
“Fuck!” Dad shouts, making me jump before raking his hands through his hair. He stares after her for several heart-shattering seconds, looking utterly lost as I clutch my chest.
This isn’t happening. This can’t be fucking happening.
“I’m…D—”
“Go,” he says in a lifeless tone, watching the direction my mother disappeared in. “Go home, Natalie.”
Meet Me Half Way
Kenny Loggins
Easton
Just past the front door, I follow Dad through the living room and down the hall toward the master bedroom. Dad walks in first and motions for me to follow, opening the door. I trail him inside the large room as he pads over to the oversized chair tucked next to a bay window. Mom lays on her side, her head resting against the edge as she blinks vacantly into a view of the thick trees edging our backyard.
Dad kneels in front of her, brushing his lips on the top of her head. “Hey, baby,” he murmurs, pulling back. She continues to look through him in the absence of a reply. “He’s home,” Dad says, my mother’s cloudy eyes finally floating in my direction. Dad sighs and stands, walking over to Mom’s vanity and pulling a pill bottle from it. He taps one into his hand, but she shakes her head in refusal. “Baby, please. For me,” he implores. My gut churns, and his anger toward me becomes incredibly justified—it’s like a punch in the gut.
“I don’t need it,” she says, lifting to sit. “I’m okay.”
Dad sighs again, looking down at her helplessly, overflowing me with guilt. He stalks over to me, where I’m standing next to the chair, stopping when we’re shoulder to shoulder.
“You come fucking get me as soon as you’re done talking. You hear me, son?”
“Dad—”
He jerks his chin. “Do you fucking hear me?”
I nod, feeling every ounce of his resentment. The hurt turned to anger before the wheels touched down in Seattle. The worst part? He was done arguing with me at the hotel. No matter how hard I tried to engage him, he successfully ignored me. For the first time in my life, my father doesn’t have my back. I feel that implication everywhere.
Dad pulls the door closed as I look over to my mother, whose eyes are scanning me from head to foot as if I’m not the son she raised, but some mystery to her.
“Mom,” I greet softly, walking over and mimicking Dad, kneeling at her chair. “How are you feeling?”
She stares at me, probing. “You really married her?” She asks, barely above a whisper. “You married Nate’s daughter?”
I nod.
“Easton,” she croaks. “You married her.”
“I love her.”
“Why? Why did you marry her?”
“It’s the way it happened and has nothing to do with you, Nate, or anyone else.”
She moves to stand, a completely different woman than the one I saw mere weeks ago on tour, and begins to pace.
“Please don’t get worked up, Mom. Do you need anything?”
“Do I need anything?” She parrots incredulously, a little life coming back into her eyes as a storm begins to brew inside them. “I need to wake up from this fucking nightmare.” The look in her eyes cuts me to the bone. “How?”
“I don’t want to upset you anymore. It’s dangerous. Can we table this until you’re okay?”
“Absolutely fucking not,” she delivers with a targeted bite before reclaiming her seat in the chair. “Start from the beginning.”
Three hours later, exhausted and distraught, I walk out of the bedroom in search of my dad. I find him in his studio watching a tape from one of his early concerts. The second I step in, he stands and brushes past me.
“Dad—”
“No.”
“She’s okay, she’s not happy, but she’s talking.”
He stops a few feet from the door and launches a livid expression at me.
“I practically begged you to come clean with me when I knew you were lying. You could have handled this situation a dozen different ways—better ways—but you didn’t fucking respect me, your mother, or our marriage enough to take any one of them, if only to keep her fucking safe. I trusted you to help me with that.”
“Dad, I’m sorry—”
His reply is the slam of his door at his back, which says it all.
Ever the Same
Rob Thomas
Natalie