“What are we doing?” she asks, and I could almost smile.
Instead, I bring my head down closer. “We’re learning, mi cielo, learning…” The old nickname slips out and I regret it instantly, but I can’t call it back. She gasps against my lips and her nails bite into my hands.
I know she’s made note of it. It makes me feel weak, but I can’t stop.
I take her mouth with mine. My tongue slips through her lips and finds… home. Her taste, the feel of her… It’s like a spark to the ashes that have been lying dormant, just waiting. I curve my tongue around hers, demanding she join me for this ride. She hums, and it’s all I can do to hold back. I want this kiss to be different. Slow and gentle. Reconnecting… remembering… reclaiming something I lost. I ignore the voice in my head calling me a stupid fool and instead I lose myself in the taste of the woman who nearly destroyed me years ago.
When we break apart, I keep my eyes closed and hold my forehead against hers, trying to regroup.
“What are we learning?” she asks, her voice thick and soft. How do I tell her I was trying to see if she could pull me from the darkness again?
I can’t.
I pull away and clear my throat, retreating to the door. I’m confused as hell… and horny. I want to push Beth onto the bed and fuck her until the voices in my head are gone, until the anger and the darkness are obliterated. I can do neither.
Distance… I need distance.
“Where are you going?” she asks, sounding confused. She should be. I’m confused as hell, too.
“It’s late. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I tell her without looking back. I can’t look back. I can’t go back. I can’t. I can’t survive Beth a second time.
Distance. I need distance, I repeat over and over in my head. But, with her taste on my tongue, I wonder if that’s even possible now.
“You okay Beth?” Katie asks for like the tenth time today.
She’s really starting to irritate me, and I shouldn’t be that way. Because of her, we have more time than ever before the club discovers we’re gone. She convinced Torch that we all needed a day to ourselves to relax before starting in on all of the wedding chores. As a result, he had three prospects follow him to the day spa in town. He left them to monitor the place and kissed Katie, telling her he’d see her this evening. I know she’s feeling guilty about lying to him, but then again, she wants to be responsible for Matthew’s death as much as I do. The only difference is she doesn’t have anything to prove.
Torch looks at her and sees this strong woman who could take on the world. No one sees that in me. I don’t even see it in myself, but that’s changing. Yesterday changes nothing. If anything, it proves to me that what Skull and I had is gone. The kiss was good, so much of it that I remember, but it didn’t have the emotion that was between us before. It was almost as if he was proving to himself that he doesn’t want me anymore.
Learning… he said we were learning. For a brief moment, especially after he called me “my sky”, I thought maybe… but I was wrong. So wrong. Having him walk away from me proved that more than anything else could have.
So I have one path before me. I’m going to end Matthew and Colin. I will make things safe for me and my sister, but most importantly, my daughter. Then I will get the fuck away from Skull and try to live again and hopefully gain some respect along the way, not only from the men in Skull’s crew, but from myself. Matthew and Colin took so much from me, I need to claim this back. It doesn’t matter if I’ll never see Skull’s men again. Knowing they don’t see me as the weak woman that I was will mean something to me.
“I told you I’m fine,” I insist with a sigh, looking out the window of the truck as we drive down an old backroad.
Sacks is in the front driving with Louise and Candy, leaving me and Katie in the back. Alone. Katie wants to talk, and I want to do anything but.
“You don’t act fine, Bethie. Talk to me. We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready to face them.”
“I’m not worried about facing them. This needs to be done and you more than anyone knows why it should be us that do it,” I whisper.
“Then what’s going on? And don’t you dare tell me you’re fine again.”
“Aren’t you worried about lying to Torch?” I ask, trying to divert her attention.
“Don’t change the subject. Spill it, Bethie.”
“Skull kissed me last night,” I mutter, knowing I’m not going to get her to drop it.
“He kissed you?!” That screech ensures that everyone in the truck and probably anyone standing within a three mile radius knows now.
“Katie, it’s no big deal…”
“Girl, don’t even!” Sacks interjects from the front, slapping her hands on the steering wheel. “He kissed you! As mad as he’s been, that’s freaking monumental!”