I paced her room, staring at the ventilator from the corner of my eye wishing like hell she’d wake up and that fucking noise would stop. It’s a noise that will haunt me for the rest of my life—that along with every fucking minute of the last few days.
I rubbed at the scruff that lined my jaw, knowing it was more like a premature beard than a five-o’clock shadow at this point.
“C’mon, Lauren,” I hissed. “Where’s the girl with the bat? Open those eyes of yours baby, come out swinging for me,” I pleaded.
Nothing.
Just that fucking machine.
I took my place beside her bed, dropping my head onto the mattress as I wrapped my hand around hers, trying to think of something else to say that would get her to come back to me. I’ve told her about the baby, I’ve told her how much I love her and I gave her a hundred different dreams we were going to fill when she woke up, and still I didn’t get to stare into those blue eyes that owned me.
Then it came to me.
I lifted my head, reaching into my pocket for my phone and quickly thumbed through my camera roll to the videos. After Pea was fully taken off the ventilator and only had the feeding tube, I started videoing little things here and there so Lauren wouldn’t miss these moments. Like when he opened his eyes or when I caught him yawning and my absolute favorite was his cry. It was the most adorable sound my ears had ever heard. I brought my phone close to her ear, raising the volume before I pressed play.
Pea’s little cry filled the room and hopefully Lauren’s ears.
“Lauren, do you hear that? That’s your son, Kitten, your little boy,” I said, replaying the video again.
“He needs his mom,” I added.
“So do I…please, wake up, Lauren,” I begged. “Listen to him, listen to me, we need you, Kitten,” I rasped, watching intently as her eyelids twitched in response. “Lauren?”
My eyes traveled the length of her looking for another sign of movement. I took her hand in mine before diverting my eyes back to her face.
“Come on, Lauren! Damnit, please wake up,” I cried.
She squeezed my hand. Startled at the movement, I glanced down at our joined hands and saw her squeeze me again. My eyes widened as I lifted them to her face just in time to watch her eyes slowly flutter open.
I blinked, unsure if my eyes were playing tricks on me but when my eyes re-opened they found Lauren’s.
I dropped my phone onto the side of her bed and lifted my free hand to the side of her cheek as I hovered over her, staring into her wide eyes.
“There’s my girl,” I whispered hoarsely, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, trying to smile at her. I wanted to look into her eyes, touch her all over, just so I knew she was real and not a figment of my imagination.
I can admit it now, looking into her eyes, but I was beginning to doubt I’d ever look into the eyes of the girl I fell in love with. I was nervous she wouldn’t ever know how I felt about her or how grateful I was for all she’s brought to my life. And most of all I was heartbroken she wouldn’t get to see the boy she brought into this world.
But there she was, looking back at me with uncertainty in her eyes, my ferocious kitten. She came back to me.
To us.
She reminded me that she wasn’t a quitter, sure, she gave up on the whole nursing school gig but that’s because she was meant to be something more than being another face in the ER, she was meant to be my one and only. In a world full of faces, hers would always stand alone in a crowd; those eyes would always find mine and remind me of a dream that came true, one I never even knew I wished for.
“You’re really awake,” I stated, attempting to hang onto this moment for as long as I could before I had to share her with everyone else. I bent down, pressing my lips to her forehead, careful of the tubes and wires, pulling back to look at her some more. “I knew you’d come back to us,” I rasped.
“She’s awake? Why didn’t you call us?” Maria questioned from the door. “Nurse! Get the doctor. My daughter is awake,” she shouted over her shoulder before she charged into the room, toward the other side of Lauren’s bed.
“She just woke up,” I explained.
“Oh, thank you, Saint Anthony,” she exasperated, making the sign of the cross ten times before she leaned over Lauren and kissed her. “We were so worried about you.”
Lauren’s eyes shot back to mine, still wide but not with confusion as she slowly lifted our joined hands, bringing them close to her stomach. The machine beside me started beeping, causing me to glance over and see her heart beat spiked.
I turned back to her, squeezed her hand as I leaned close to her ear, nuzzling her slightly.
“It’s a boy, Kitten, we have a son,” I whispered, giving her the answer to the unasked question shining in her scared eyes. I pulled back, staring at her as tears escaped the corner of her eyes.