Words failed me.
None could ever justify the feeling of him in my arms.
My palm covered nearly most of his body as I splayed it over the blanket covering his back and felt the rise and fall of his chest.
He took one breath at a time without the help of the machine.
That’s my boy.
I closed my eyes and held him close.
Dreams.
Maybe they did come true.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I glanced at the side-view mirror, watching as Riggs hung his helmet on one of the handlebars of his bike then turned his eyes in my direction, giving me a glimpse of that face I missed waking up to.
Most girls in my situation would hope their baby didn’t look anything like the father, but I was the opposite. I wanted Pea to look like Riggs. I wanted the reminder of the happiest few months of my life. I know my baby will fill the void of Riggs, and once I lay eyes on him or her, this pang in my chest will melt. I’ll be so overwhelmed with love for Pea, I’ll forget about the love I lost.
I’ll forget all about Kitten and Tiger.
I opened the car door, preparing myself for the awkward discussion we were about to have as I stepped out of the car. I walked around to the back of the car and leaned against the trunk as I waited for him.
He laughed along with his brothers, breaking my heart with every chuckle.
His laugh.
His smile.
They were the things that tugged at my heart strings, the things that first hooked me to the hooligan that came looking for me one crazy night in a bar. The same hooligan that told me to take a detour, to trust him because I’d end up exactly where I was supposed to be.
Here I am.
And he’s walking toward me.
Exactly where I’m supposed to be.
With him.
I pushed off the car, my feet making the choice, siding with my heart and not my head as I started for him.
A truck pulled into the lot, distracting me momentarily and I froze in my tracks, watching as Pipe started shouting at the driver.
“Park the truck over here,” Pipe hollered to the driver. “Over here!” He demanded. “What the fuck, are you assholes deaf? Park the fucking truck over here,” he shouted.
“Shit! Get down.”
I felt my heart lurch into my throat and my eyes widened as Pipe tried to warn us of the danger before the back of the truck opened and men started firing machine guns.
“Lauren, get down!” Riggs, hollered.
“Riggs!” I cried, knowing he probably couldn’t hear me over the gunfire.
No. This can’t be happening.
My eyes darted around the property fearful of what was happening.
There was nowhere to turn, nowhere to hide and it was pretty damn impossible to stop, drop and roll with this belly.
“Get down,” Riggs shouted.
I crouched down as low as I could get and tried to run toward the clubhouse. I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at Riggs.
“NO! NO! NO!” Riggs screamed. “Lauren!”
I never thought I’d die young, but we already know all the plans I’ve made for myself have been a joke. Maybe that was why they all went astray, not because God was a prankster and I was his victim, but because he knew I was going to join him and never be able to fulfill any of my plans.
He had a greater plan.
One that didn’t include Kitten and Tiger.
One that didn’t include Pea.
Or maybe that was his plan, maybe I was the detour, the unexpected turn in Riggs’ life. I was just a means to a cause. I was here to unite Riggs with Pea and that’s it.
God’s plan for me was to give them to one another.
As I pulled my hand away from my chest and looked at the blood coating my fingertips I was certain of it.
I felt the burning sensation in my chest; my heart physically felt as if it was being torn apart by the bullet and knew this was my ending and their beginning.
I love you Riggs.
Mommy loves you, Pea.
My eyes locked with Riggs’ before Bones came into my view charging at me and throwing me to the ground.
Heaven.
It’s not some grand garden, or a blissful oasis of clouds and I must’ve missed the pearly gates because it’s pretty dark where I am. I feel like I’m under water as I strain my ears to listen to the muffled sound of a baby crying.
Pea.
The cries are louder and this time I hear someone else’s husky voice cry my name.
Riggs.
They need me.
Me.
We passed the forty-eight hour mark hours ago and Kitten still hadn’t opened her eyes. I’ve been going back and forth between the NICU and ICU, and I’m starting to lose it. Every time I look at our son, or hold him in my arms, I’m crushed because these are moments Lauren’s missing, moments that were robbed from her by a fucking bullet.
It wasn’t fair.
It was fucked up, so fucked up.