Not even her.
Dan kissed the back of her neck. Sweet. Comforting. She wished she didn’t lack the ability to be comforted.
“I hate that you wake up upset every morning,” he said in a sleep-heavy voice.
The downright concern in that statement had her bristling. “I’m not—” His arms tightened enough that she couldn’t finish her sentence.
“If you tell me you’re not upset, I’m going to toss you out of this bed, Shaw.” The sleep was gone from his voice, but even though it was sharp, that underlying sweet, worrying care was there, and she wanted to escape.
His grip didn’t loosen, but she managed a breath and tried to change the subject. “Oh, now you’re last-naming me?”
“I’m taking all sorts of lessons from you, honey.” His arms gentled and he kissed the back of her neck again and, oh, screw him.
“Maybe it’s time you talked to them.”
“About what?” She pushed Dan’s arms off of her because that was some kind of spell. Feeling cared for and comforted and like there were answers. If she hadn’t found answers in the five years since Dad’s accident, why would Dan’s arms around her make her think she could now?
“Talk to them about what happened.”
She got into a sitting position, ready to bolt off the bed, but Dan’s hand curled around her wrist. She refused to look at the point of contact, even if she felt it everywhere. Even if it mattered despite her not wanting it to. She gritted her teeth. “If I knew how to make it right, I would have done that already.”
“I didn’t say make it right. I said talk. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m no expert on this. I haven’t really talked about anything…since my parents made me go to counseling, but—”
She whirled to face him. “Why did your parents make you go to counseling?” She could not even imagine.
“Oh, you know, divorce stuff. I was kind of a mess of a kid, didn’t take it well. But the point is I started running away instead of…well, the other night. We yelled at each other, but real stuff came out. Maybe that’s what you need to do with them too.”
She blinked at him, trying to wrap her mind around what that said about him. A mess as a kid. His thing about screwing everything up. It didn’t gel with everything she knew about him in the now. Sure, he’d messed up a few hockey games, but even a person who’d started with zero faith in him had to look around and see how much he had accomplished. She might have helped, but the llama ranch—that was all Dan’s hard work.
Okay, the money he had helped, but that wasn’t the heart of this place. It was the lucky break that got him here—everything else was Dan’s sweat and care.
The usual discomfort with that had her pulling her arm out of his grasp. “Look, that’s not bad advice, but I’ve done it. I tell them and they don’t care.”
“Do you think that’s what it is?” He folded his arms behind his head, all shirtless, conversational ease. “Because there are a lot of ways you act like you don’t care, and I think you do. But you protect yourself. Same way I run away. To protect myself from the choke. Or the aftermath of the choke.”
“I can’t believe you’re…”
“Making so much sense? I know. I’m surprised myself. Apparently Dan Sharpe is a pretty astute guy.”
“You’re something that starts with a-s.”
“Admit it, you love me.” He cleared his throat, the ease disappearing as he sat up and scratched a hand through his hair. “Uh, not quite what I meant.”
“We should probably…” She gestured toward the door, because this was too weird to deal with. All of it. The neck kissing and the insightful words and the…that.
“Get up. Get going. Yeah.” He got off the bed and headed for the bathroom. Their normal routine was that he showered while she made breakfast and coffee, then she got ready while he fed and watered Mystery.
It was a nice routine. She liked it. A lot. It was so much more…companionable than the way she’d been existing the past few years. Sure, she worked side by side with Caleb, but it had never felt like working together. Caleb kept so much from her, and she kept so much from him.
Working together felt good. Like before Dad’s accident, when she’d been an integral part of Shaw, but so had Dad. Teamwork. A common goal. Respect and…
Crap, there was that L word again. Well, that was so not going to be considered, because it was out of the question. Whether it was real or not, she didn’t want it, because love did not last. It screwed everything up.