“I don’t think I have any care left in me, Dan.”
“I know you don’t want to.” He brushed his mouth against hers. “But you do. Or you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be afraid. I only know that because I am just as fucking afraid, Mel. I’m just not as strong as you to pretend to be.”
“That isn’t strength.” It was weakness. It was her biggest weakness. Maybe if she hadn’t pretended so hard not to need anyone, Dad would have reengaged, or Caleb would have confided in her, allowed her to help him. Maybe if she didn’t pretend so well, the three of them would be able to ask for help.
“Then stop. Stop pretending,” he said.
“What do you want me to say to that?”
“I don’t want you to— You know what, no. What do I want you to say? That I’m not wrong. That you do care about me, even if I screw it up. You care. That’s what I want to know.”
If she gave him that, it would be used as a weapon against her. If she gave him that, she’d have to admit it to herself. She’d have to give up her pretense. She’d actually have to be strong instead of perfecting the illusion of strength.
“But don’t say it if it’s a lie,” he said.
“It’s not a lie.” She closed her eyes, because she knew she would live to regret this. Regret believing this could be anything when nothing ever stayed. But if caring about him wasn’t a lie, and if he needed the truth, how could she deny him that?
She swallowed all the doubt away, and it wasn’t nearly as hard as it should have been. “I care about you.” The words slipped out, truth stronger than any pretense.
His mouth covered hers and she was done thinking, pretending, trying. She was feeling, giving, and taking. Regardless of the outcome.
*
That overwhelming, chest-filling thing was back, to the point of pain. Dan didn’t care. He didn’t care because Mel was kissing him and…and she cared about him. She did. He was going to do everything, everything in his power not to screw that up.
Thunder rumbled in the distance, but he didn’t stop kissing her until the random drops of rain became steadier, lightning flashing repeatedly after each low boom. Reluctantly, he pulled away.
“I guess I should make sure Mystery’s locked up,” he said. A fat drop of rain fell on Mel’s nose, traveled the slope down, punctuated by another flash in the sky. “Get inside. It’ll only take a minute.”
She paused, her gaze never leaving his face. He could only barely make her out in the weak light from the stables.
“I’ll come with,” she said, her voice rough.
It was such a small thing, a nothing offer, but the way she said it, the way she slipped her hand into his when he offered it, felt a whole hell of a lot bigger than nothing. She wasn’t keeping herself locked away where he couldn’t reach. She was opening herself up.
They walked to the stables hand in hand, and despite the rain’s force increasing, neither of them moved to rush, to hurry. Walking hand in hand in the middle of a storm, he wasn’t sure he’d ever been happier.
Well, that probably wasn’t true. There was getting drafted, and signing a monster contract, and a million other successes that had to matter more than walking hand in hand with someone. It had just been long enough he’d forgotten.
Or something.
“She must have already gone inside.”
“Smart girl, my llama.”
Mel’s laugh was…he had no words for what that sound did to his chest, to this evening. When he’d walked out with the charming fuck you on his lips, he was sure he’d blown it all, but he hadn’t been able to suck back in that anger.
It had worked out. For once in his life, expressing the conflict inside of him had turned out okay. Better than. She said she cared, she was holding his hand, and…
“I don’t see her.” Mel’s brows drew together as she looked in each pen. “Maybe I missed her outside in the dark.”
“I’ll go check.” A thorough check of the outside pen had a knot forming in his gut. Nothing. With the dark and the rain, surely they were just…missing a large, furry creature. “She’s not out here.”
Mel stood in the opening between pasture and stables, holding a flashlight. “She’s not here either. Should we switch and look one more time?”
He looked out into the dark storm. They could keep looking here, but how had they both missed her twice? That couldn’t be possible. “I guess if she mysteriously got in, she could have mysteriously gotten out.”
“You want to do a quick look around the fence line?”
“You go inside. I’ll look.”