“No.” She walked me inside, and asked an amused, “How much do you love me?”
“A lot,” I told her, and the sound of her soft chuckle made me want to give her everything she ever desired in life.
And I would.
I’d do that for her.
Do anything for her.
My baby.
“Where’s the party?” I said a little too loudly when we got inside, and she put a finger to my lips, hushing me. I lowered my tone. “Everyone’s gone?”
“Manda and Vander are staying with Julius and Ana. They just left. But—” She side-eyed me cautiously. “—Zep and Papa Tony were going to check into a hotel, and...” she hesitated before going on, “I thought that was silly, seeing that you have a place across the street that’s going unused, so I told them they could stay there.” Her eyes searched my face carefully. “The refused repeatedly, but I insisted, and eventually they gave in.”
My stomach lurched, but I stood tall before leaning in and putting my face close to hers. “You are a good woman.”
She smiled then, and I knew I’d take on the entire fuckin’ world to keep my queen content.
Stumbling, I moved down the hall toward A.J.’s room, and Lexi followed closely behind as I walked in as quietly as I could, kneeling by his bed and putting a gentle hand to his head. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I watched his chest move up and down as he breathed easily in his sleep.
I stood, walking by my beautiful, blue-eyed angel. She said, “C’mon. Let’s go to bed.”
But my fuckin’ feet weren’t working well. On top of that, my head was spinning. I made it as far as the sofa before I lowered myself, putting my hands to the floor then sitting back against the couch. And Lexi watched me a moment before coming to sit behind me, her legs at either side of my head. I rubbed my stubbly cheek against her knee and watched in captivation as goose bumps lined her skin.
“I’m tryin’ to be a good dad,” I told the darkened room.
“I know you are,” she replied softly, running a soft hand through my hair.
“I love him so much it scares me.”
She let out a light laugh. “I know the feeling.”
As she ran a hand down my cheek, I muttered, “I just want him to look at me and not see the piece of shit I am.” Tilting my head back to look at her, I asked quietly, “How do I do that?”
Lexi was my world, but that little boy, my boy... he was my entire universe. The thought of someone trying to keep me from him was unconscionable. I would do anything to be near him. Nobody could keep me away.
I’d fuckin’ like to see somebody try.
The small hand at my cheek stilled, and when it came under my chin, holding me in place, her face bent over mine, and she stated firmly, “You are not a piece of shit.” When I only blinked at her, she leaned in, putting her nose to mine. “Do you understand me?”
I was though. Lex just couldn’t see it. She only ever saw what she wanted to see of me, and that made me a lucky bastard because she only ever tried to see the best in me.
Instead of speaking, I lifted my face, and when our lips touched, I kissed her backward and she breathed life back into my cold, unfeeling body.
She was my bible. The pages. The ink. The prayers. And I would revere her till the day I died, took my place, and waited for her on the other side. I wasn’t a holy man, but I believed that shit in my fuckin’ soul.
Nothing could part us. Not even death. Death could try, but I’d beaten it before and I’d do it again if need be.
Anything to stay with my woman.
But something was bothering me, and when I moved to stand, my woman helped me without judgment. And when I was on my feet again, I shuffled toward the front door. Immediately, Lexi put her hand to it, stopping me from exiting. “Where do you think you’re going?” She added sternly, “We’re going to bed.”
“Look,” I told her, blinking slowly, “I gotta have a word with the sperm donor.”
“Not tonight you’re not.” Her brows furrowed and her lips parted before she put a hand to her hip, looking bossy, and domineering, and sexy as hell. “You’re drunk.”
I needed her to understand. “I need to say what I have to say now because tomorrow...” I felt stupid saying what I said. “I’m not gonna have the guts to say what I need to say, baby.”
My sheer honesty struck a chord. Even in my fucked up state, I could see that.
She watched me carefully a long time before sighing. “You’re not going to start another fight, are you?”
“I don’t plan to,” I uttered honestly, but I didn’t know what would happen when I got there.
Her eyes closed and she took her hand off the door, and I loved her for knowing I needed to do this. I turned the knob and headed out on rocky legs. When I made it to my house, I knocked on the door, and when it opened, Zep stood there. The asshole didn’t open up for me, so I pushed my way in.
This is my fuckin’ house, bitch.
“Where’s the old man?” I asked, looking around my space.
“He’s in bed,” Zep uttered tightly. “He’s not well.”
“I need to talk to him.”
Just as Zep shook his head, my bedroom door opened and out stepped my father in his pajamas.
He looked old then. Really old.
Fragile, frail, completely breakable. And right then, I wanted to break him.
The second I saw my sire, I forgot my promise to Lexi and started my unexpected rant. “What kind of man holds his child—” I held up my hands. “—in his fuckin’ arms—” I dropped them by my sides. “—and never sees him again?” I looked him in the eye, not at all hiding my anger. “Who does that?”
Neither man responded, but my father appeared distraught.
A long moment passed before the man who sired me said, “You think it was easy?”
I didn’t give a fuck.
“Yeah, I think it was easy.” I swept an arm out to Zep. “You had a son. You didn’t need another. Was that it?” The way he looked at me was doing something funky to my insides. My breathing got heavy. “What was wrong with me, huh?”
The thought of somebody trying to keep me from my son made my physically ill. Made me want to hurt somebody. Made me want to knock heads.
How could this fucker do what he did without looking back?
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand it.
I was a father.
I was drunk.
And, fuck me, I was emotional.
My throat tight, my voice cracked as I fought the words out. “Why didn’t you want me, man?”
The sperm donor walked farther into the room. “Giving you up was the hardest thing I have ever done.” His brows creased. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Letting you grow up in a world of zero expectations, especially those that came with our name. I wanted better for you.” He shrugged weakly. “So I let you go.”
I blinked rapidly then swiped harshly at the wetness leaking onto my cheek. “Yeah. Fat load of good it did me.”
The old man’s expression turned grave. “I can see that. And I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I let out a sharp laugh before looking to my brother, pointing at the old man. “He’s sorry. That’s nice.” I nodded slowly, facing my father. “I don’t know what you thought would happen when you got here. Maybe you thought I’d be over the moon to see you, that I still needed a father. I don’t know. But let me tell you something, old man. You did one good thing.” I paused a second. “You taught me exactly what it is I don’t wanna be as a father. So...” I took a step backward. “Thanks.”
I walked out the door to find Lexi standing on the street corner shivering but waiting. And my heart grew a size.
No. I didn’t deserve her, but that didn’t mean I was ever going to give her up.
When I made it across, I wrapped a heavy arm around her and rubbed her frigid skin, frowning. “You’re freezing.”
Her teeth chattered when she gazed up at me, her eyes full of concern, and she asked, “Are you okay?”
No. “Yeah.”
I wasn’t.
But I would be.
***
Lexi