"Brad doesn't know what I'm capable of."
"No one truly knows another person, but why do they need to? Why can't he want the Saskia you are right now rather than dealing with all the baggage from before?"
When I give her a grumpy frown, Minka orders me another shot. "Do you think I'll tell my perfect future man all of my dirty secrets? Fuck no. I don't need to know all his bullshit either. The only shit I care about is what kind of man is he when we meet. Or what kind of man he'll be in the future. I don't care about the past. We all fucked up in the past, so no reason to think too hard about it."
"Can life really be as simple as deciding to make it simple?"
"Sure, why the fuck not?"
Smiling easier now, I take one of the fries. "Were you sad when Troy chose Darla?"
"No. He's my friend, and I want him to be happy. More importantly, I like her, and I want her to be happy. It worked out for everyone."
"Do you think it's easier for women to forgive evil from their men than the other way around?"
Minka sighs. "Most definitely. Women are ruled by their vaginas, and vaginas have no morals."
"Men are ruled by their dicks, and dicks have no morals either."
"Yeah, men will fuck anyone, but love is different. Dicks don't come with all the feelings and hormonal shit our vaginas do. Human dating rituals are very complicated, and I skipped a lot of those classes in high school. I just know men get freaked out by scary women like women don't get freaked by scary men."
"I suspect our figurative balls are bigger than theirs, and they find that intimidating."
"Probably. My figurative balls can't fit into most rooms."
The whiskey hits me, and I laugh loudly at her comment. Minka orders a round of nachos and moves us to a booth.
"I worry my figurative balls will scare off Brad," I say once we're sitting away from the kitchen and dance floor.
"And you're thinking about keeping him?"
"I shouldn't think that, but he's under my skin," I mumble, scratching at my arm as if to dig out Brad. "I thought a night of hot fucking would help get me past this feeling. I was wrong."
"Blame your vagina. They're horrible decision makers."
My mind swims from the liquor, and her vagina talk makes me laugh too much. By the time the nachos arrive, I'm starving.
"Brad's mother hates me," I tell Minka, who's studying the menu. "She wishes he liked you."
"Can you blame her? I'm very likable."
"I wish I could be more likable."
Minka frowns at me. "Do you really, or are you just saying that because you're drunk?"
"I don't know."
"Do you really want to change? I thought you were pretty solid with being cold and scary."
"I am, but I don't think Brad is. I know his mom isn't. Nell barely acknowledges me."
"Nell is shy. She thinks people are judging her, so she hides in plain sight."
Patting her hand, I smile drunkenly. "You're good at reading people."
"Yes, I am. You are too. You're nicer than you let on too. Like when you lied to Darla that day at the aquarium about your lost love. Why do that, if you're not secretly a sweetie pie?"
Recalling that single act of kindness, I explain, "Darla knew what she wanted, but Troy scared her. I simply scared her back in his direction." I pause while studying my chip. "I guess I am a sweetie pie."
Minka watches me for a long time while I lean back and rest my head on the back of the booth. My gaze focuses on the crowd of happy people. Forever watching, rather than participating, I'm always the outsider.
"If I was you," Minka says finally, "I'd play this thing out with Brad. Don't think about his mom or if he can handle the real you. No, instead you ought to enjoy every damn minute because you've faced death a bunch of times, and this could be your only reward. If I met a guy that I wanted the way you want Brad, I'd hold onto him. I deserve good shit in life, and so does Little Maven. Leave your sins in the past where they belong."
Watching her through my alcohol haze, I smile. "Having a girlfriend is fun."
"Yeah, but I'm planning on having only a select few. Too many vaginas would likely make me go homicidal."
"You, me, Harlow, and Darla."
Minka thinks about Rafael's wife and Troy's woman. She nods at the idea of them making the grade. I keep smiling because I'm too drunk to control my mouth. If Brad were here right now, I'd likely tell him how beautiful he is and how much I like him. After saying all sorts of stupid stuff, I'd suck on his lips until we were naked. Even enticed by the naked part, I plan to keep my distance until the trip is complete and he's safely back in Houston.
17
Brad
Fiercely Mine